today in Music in Ministry, we took a look at the "not so bright" future of Christianity in America. It took all that I had not to stand up and shout, "When are we going to stop limiting God?" Sometimes I feel like we use Europe as an "excuse" like, "we're going to end up like them anyway," and its frightening to me to think that some people don't even realize that we are going to end up that way if we don't GET OUT OF THE WAY and let God move. Last time I checked, God doesn't use unwilling vessels. He doesn't use and work through people who are absorbed in their problems and not their savior. The statistics about "Christians" who didn't have Christ as the center of their faith made me angry. I wasn't angry at our class, I was angry at the apathy, at the blatant disregard for sound doctrine and the foundation of our faith, the very thing that makes us CHRISTIAN!
okay, trying to calm down a little bit...tonight I had the blessing of running into Jonny Carroll at the library with Marc Anderson. Marc had some other stuff to do, but Jonny was like, "Hey, I'm going to take a worship break and you guys are welcome to join me," I was like, "Sa WEET!" and so that's what we did, grabbed a warmer jacket from Ormston and then headed to my house. poor kid, had to walk back to campus afterwards. I didn't realize he left his stuff in the library :( sad day! I actually might walk there myself in a few minutes to print some stuff for class tomorrow...but anyway, we talked about seminary. I have been contemplating seminary. He said something I just completely agree with. He says he feels like leaders shouldn't be preaching if they don't know the original greek and hebrew. I completely agree. I also think that as a worship leader this is vital to being an effective minister! So, maybe GRTS is in my future? don't know as of yet. Lots of renewed prayer, and just talking more with Jonny and the like will be a good step in the right direction...
anyway. im super tired and would love to finish this rant later. here's a song that I think is appropriate for this little temper tantrum:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5SUXakzLN8U
Monday, November 30, 2009
The Adventure Called Life Day 064
PAY DAY :)
this is the day when I go grocery shopping, and attempt to plan a menu that never comes to fruition because I am always busy busy busy, go go go!!
well now shopping is done and I can get down to business. I have to write my rehearsal strategy for conducting tonight, and I'm helping Melanie with a video. That should be fun...well class is coming up and I have tons to do and prepare for. hopefully I can start my "Psalm a Day" project soon. I will start tonight If I get the chance :)
cm
this is the day when I go grocery shopping, and attempt to plan a menu that never comes to fruition because I am always busy busy busy, go go go!!
well now shopping is done and I can get down to business. I have to write my rehearsal strategy for conducting tonight, and I'm helping Melanie with a video. That should be fun...well class is coming up and I have tons to do and prepare for. hopefully I can start my "Psalm a Day" project soon. I will start tonight If I get the chance :)
cm
Sunday, November 29, 2009
your love has torn me apart...
here are some lyrics that have been bouncing around in my head...
your love has torn me apart
ripped away guilt
snatched my faith in myself
shattered my dreams
stolen my pride
cut away my calloused heart
your love has torn me apart
your love's renewed me O Lord
dreams are made new
heart is made whole
selfless faith remains
joy has overcome
I sing forever how
your love never fails
just a little ditty i've been throwing around...tell me what you think :)
cm
your love has torn me apart
ripped away guilt
snatched my faith in myself
shattered my dreams
stolen my pride
cut away my calloused heart
your love has torn me apart
your love's renewed me O Lord
dreams are made new
heart is made whole
selfless faith remains
joy has overcome
I sing forever how
your love never fails
just a little ditty i've been throwing around...tell me what you think :)
cm
The Adventure Called Life Day 063
happy happy sunday! love these mornings, getting up early feeling like a total bear, and getting a ride with Mitchell to church. We both share a "love" for mornings...LOL :)
well it seems that i do have a little courage. i waited until we were back in spring arbor to tell him the "word" i had received. I shed a few tears because I was so upset and trying not to screw it up with the way I was telling him. I told him "There is something better" and I have no idea what it means for him. I hope he figures it out and it doesn't confuse him more than he might already be about me. well I do feel at peace finally about this word, I'll never forget it, but I can let it sink into my subconscious mind and allow myself some peace over it. Since I have, after all, figured out why I was given it for myself. I do wonder what it means for Mitchell, but I know that is not my business, its just between him and God.
today we sang "how he loves" by Jesus Culture and I attempted to play keys. We had lots of sound troubles today for some reason. Rather than being frustrated with the sound guy, I genuinely felt bad for him. I am too, after all, an amateur at this as well. How can I expect perfection from someone who is learning and experiencing just like I am? Exactly. so I just pray that we get things working right as we have learned something from having troubles. that is the way life works, you fail, learn from the mistakes and try again :) its beautiful...I had a conversation with Genelle about David Crowder Band and that they cover How He Loves, and that they have an awesome song (see previous post) that is my theme song right now off their new record, "Church Music."
well I am just an idiot. I don't try to fight with Mitchell, but I do. Its mostly because I say something, he doesn't hear me and I don't want to repeat it because I'm afraid of blurting out "I like you." Its really an interesting paradox. Andy says waiting is best, and I completely agree. It will happen if its supposed to happen, enough said.
Heather is really struggling right now. and I am beginning to think I am a guy. its awful. When presented with a problem, men attempt to fix it. Apparently I do the same thing. FAIL. I just pray that she remains open and dependent upon God. Like I have been saying lately, true beauty and peace is found in weakness, not strength. So God is going to move and be glorified in this time of struggle and trial. that is my prayer.
cm
well it seems that i do have a little courage. i waited until we were back in spring arbor to tell him the "word" i had received. I shed a few tears because I was so upset and trying not to screw it up with the way I was telling him. I told him "There is something better" and I have no idea what it means for him. I hope he figures it out and it doesn't confuse him more than he might already be about me. well I do feel at peace finally about this word, I'll never forget it, but I can let it sink into my subconscious mind and allow myself some peace over it. Since I have, after all, figured out why I was given it for myself. I do wonder what it means for Mitchell, but I know that is not my business, its just between him and God.
today we sang "how he loves" by Jesus Culture and I attempted to play keys. We had lots of sound troubles today for some reason. Rather than being frustrated with the sound guy, I genuinely felt bad for him. I am too, after all, an amateur at this as well. How can I expect perfection from someone who is learning and experiencing just like I am? Exactly. so I just pray that we get things working right as we have learned something from having troubles. that is the way life works, you fail, learn from the mistakes and try again :) its beautiful...I had a conversation with Genelle about David Crowder Band and that they cover How He Loves, and that they have an awesome song (see previous post) that is my theme song right now off their new record, "Church Music."
well I am just an idiot. I don't try to fight with Mitchell, but I do. Its mostly because I say something, he doesn't hear me and I don't want to repeat it because I'm afraid of blurting out "I like you." Its really an interesting paradox. Andy says waiting is best, and I completely agree. It will happen if its supposed to happen, enough said.
Heather is really struggling right now. and I am beginning to think I am a guy. its awful. When presented with a problem, men attempt to fix it. Apparently I do the same thing. FAIL. I just pray that she remains open and dependent upon God. Like I have been saying lately, true beauty and peace is found in weakness, not strength. So God is going to move and be glorified in this time of struggle and trial. that is my prayer.
cm
something better...
so it happened again. a word, a "phrase" from God popped into my heart.
"there's something better,"
driving tonight to return our pop can collection and purchase some pretty twinkling christmas lights, my thoughts drifted to last sunday. MItchell was singing the song, "I'll Pour My Love On You." and the band remained in their seats. I found myself listening, just soaking in the words that Mitchell was singing. then the phrase, "There's something better," popped into my heart. This has happened before. I have received words from God to give to other people, the most recent has been two words to Britta. I'm not even sure if she knew that they were words that I had received.
so tonight I came to the realization that GOD is the "something better" than what I've been doing with my time, energy and my heart. I've been pushing myself in all sorts of directions, letting myself get torn here and there, not allowing God to be my rock. So the "something better" just happens to be putting my energy and love into God himself. how beautiful and refreshing is that. Its incredibly hard to love something so big, and yet its the most beautiful, awful, joyful, peaceful feeling in my entire existence. No one ever told me that love felt easy. Sometimes it rips you apart, and sometimes it puts you back together. This time its putting me back together while stripping away the unneeded stress and energy in my life.
anyway. So the word isn't just for me. Its for someone else as well. I've prayed about it, and meditated on it, waiting for the peace to come about this other person, and NOTHING. so tomorrow I'm going to tell him. That's it, that's what I have to do. I don't know why or how, but "There is something better" for them as well.
well its 1 am, and I have to be up at 7:30 for church. YAY :) i love going to River Tree. so cool. such a blessing! see you on the flipside
cm
ps...this is my theme song for the week, enjoy :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bMQov8EIdt4
"there's something better,"
driving tonight to return our pop can collection and purchase some pretty twinkling christmas lights, my thoughts drifted to last sunday. MItchell was singing the song, "I'll Pour My Love On You." and the band remained in their seats. I found myself listening, just soaking in the words that Mitchell was singing. then the phrase, "There's something better," popped into my heart. This has happened before. I have received words from God to give to other people, the most recent has been two words to Britta. I'm not even sure if she knew that they were words that I had received.
so tonight I came to the realization that GOD is the "something better" than what I've been doing with my time, energy and my heart. I've been pushing myself in all sorts of directions, letting myself get torn here and there, not allowing God to be my rock. So the "something better" just happens to be putting my energy and love into God himself. how beautiful and refreshing is that. Its incredibly hard to love something so big, and yet its the most beautiful, awful, joyful, peaceful feeling in my entire existence. No one ever told me that love felt easy. Sometimes it rips you apart, and sometimes it puts you back together. This time its putting me back together while stripping away the unneeded stress and energy in my life.
anyway. So the word isn't just for me. Its for someone else as well. I've prayed about it, and meditated on it, waiting for the peace to come about this other person, and NOTHING. so tomorrow I'm going to tell him. That's it, that's what I have to do. I don't know why or how, but "There is something better" for them as well.
well its 1 am, and I have to be up at 7:30 for church. YAY :) i love going to River Tree. so cool. such a blessing! see you on the flipside
cm
ps...this is my theme song for the week, enjoy :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bMQov8EIdt4
Saturday, November 28, 2009
The Adventure Called Life Day 062
so i am back at the arbor! YAY!
I tripped on our pop can collection on my way back into the house and I got this grand idea....
pop cans = CHRISTMAS LIGHTS!
super cool.
so its a date...me, pop cans, Wal*Mart, and some Christmas Lights! super super excited! let's go!!
cm
I tripped on our pop can collection on my way back into the house and I got this grand idea....
pop cans = CHRISTMAS LIGHTS!
super cool.
so its a date...me, pop cans, Wal*Mart, and some Christmas Lights! super super excited! let's go!!
cm
Friday, November 27, 2009
The Adventure Called Life Day 061
did anyone brave the crazy shoppers? I didn't :) I stayed home. ALL DAY. and it was glorious.
I think I know why some of my guy friends are a little aprehensive around me. I have been told that its weird that i like men. I like sports, I tolerate beer and belching, I would rather watch a game a football than a chick flick, and I love the racetrack. And I like the creatures that go with this atmosphere. I like men. Is that weird? Usually women dislike things about men, they dislike their sweaty, gritty habits and pastimes. I usually don't mind them. Women seem to "tolerate" the men in their lives. I would rather hang out with them, then a bunch of women anyday. sometimes I wonder about myself. I know others do to :) I admire their strength, their ability to lead, and their ablility to have fun. Women are catty, and have fun by doing make up and taking pictures. While I enjoy make up and taking pictures, I also enjoy hanging with the guys. Maybe that's why they don't see me as a dateable, I am one of them...
cm
I think I know why some of my guy friends are a little aprehensive around me. I have been told that its weird that i like men. I like sports, I tolerate beer and belching, I would rather watch a game a football than a chick flick, and I love the racetrack. And I like the creatures that go with this atmosphere. I like men. Is that weird? Usually women dislike things about men, they dislike their sweaty, gritty habits and pastimes. I usually don't mind them. Women seem to "tolerate" the men in their lives. I would rather hang out with them, then a bunch of women anyday. sometimes I wonder about myself. I know others do to :) I admire their strength, their ability to lead, and their ablility to have fun. Women are catty, and have fun by doing make up and taking pictures. While I enjoy make up and taking pictures, I also enjoy hanging with the guys. Maybe that's why they don't see me as a dateable, I am one of them...
cm
Thursday, November 26, 2009
The Adventure Called Life Day 060
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
I love this holiday, and its not just because I love pumpkin pie :) I love spending the day with my family, the football game is on, but some how we manage 8 hours together in one room without anything else be each other and the "game" on the tube and manage not to yell at each other or get upset and just enjoy each other's company. I am truly blessed. I know that it helps we are a small family, there are only 8 total. My grandparents, my aunt and uncle, my parents and my brother and me. That's it. I love it. Being together is probably the best thing, and that is why I love the holiday season so much. We like to get together outside of the holiday season, but it brings the focus more on family during this time and I have a very blessed, happy and humorous bunch of relatives. They are beautiful.
I think I managed not to over eat this year, which in itself is a blessing, and I think I might have even managed to encourage my relatives with the stories about how River Tree is reaching outside of ourselves to the community of Jackson. I also think that I just have the best family ever. I love you guys!
cm
I love this holiday, and its not just because I love pumpkin pie :) I love spending the day with my family, the football game is on, but some how we manage 8 hours together in one room without anything else be each other and the "game" on the tube and manage not to yell at each other or get upset and just enjoy each other's company. I am truly blessed. I know that it helps we are a small family, there are only 8 total. My grandparents, my aunt and uncle, my parents and my brother and me. That's it. I love it. Being together is probably the best thing, and that is why I love the holiday season so much. We like to get together outside of the holiday season, but it brings the focus more on family during this time and I have a very blessed, happy and humorous bunch of relatives. They are beautiful.
I think I managed not to over eat this year, which in itself is a blessing, and I think I might have even managed to encourage my relatives with the stories about how River Tree is reaching outside of ourselves to the community of Jackson. I also think that I just have the best family ever. I love you guys!
cm
The Adventure Called Life Day 059
Wednesday, November 25
today i planned on writing my paper for Walrath's class. yeah right. didn't happen. I didn't get up until like 10 anyway. Then I dilly dallied around the house until lunch time. Then Kevin and I went to the store to pick up the ingredients for green bean casserole. after we got home, mom took him to his doctor's appointment and my uncle Bryan called.
he had his knee replaced last week on wednesday. He needed to get out of the house and get some things done. So it was around 2 o'clock and I hadn't gotten started on my paper, so I dropped that and cruised out to Brighton. He filled my gas tank, such a blessing, and then even got me a peppermint mocha at a local coffee shop in Brighton. I'm super spoiled. I helped him get around, we went to pick up some meds at Vitamin World and then to his office to get the mail and grab a few documents. Then it was on to the transmission shop to pay for the work done on his Jeep. He is on pain meds and can't drive, so I had to drive him around. I was glad to do it, it was a lot of fun. Then Aunt Jan arrived home so we could go up to the shop in one vehicle and drop one of us off to drive his Jeep back to the house. It worked out very nicely.
then I drove home, had dinner with the family and then headed back to their house. I miss them so much, and I thought spending the night would be a great way to spend some more time with them. I love them. and I want them to know how thankful I am for them. so that is also the reason why my blog is being posted today instead of yesterday :)
cm
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
The Adventure Called Life Day 058
so i am at home. YAY :) super super thankful to be at home. I miss the arbor, already, but i'm still thanful to sleep in my own bed, in my own room, and spend time with my parents and my younger brother.
it was annual pie night at Brighton Assembly of God tonight. i love this night, the entire church comes together after the service with all their kids and relatives and we eat pie together with the staff. I love seeing our church come together like this, and celebrate, and be thankful. I met a girl named Sarah tonight. She is in college, i believe she is going to Schoolcraft in Livonia. She's twenty, but barely looks sixteen! She claimes people do that to her all the time, and that she'll probably be thankful for it when she's fourty :) anyway, Mom filled me in on the latest "news" of the familes of our church and i had a wonderful piece of pecan pie. so much to be thankful for. We are extremely blessed.
looking around at the people of my home congregation, I couldn't help but see people at River Tree Community. That place has truly stolen my heart. The people are so hungry, so happy to be there learning about God and each other. Its truly a beautiful thing and such an immense blessing in my life. Our band is quite good, and they have a desire to do well that as a worship arts major I couldn't ask for a better attitude. Its one thing to work with musicians who are talented and unmotivated, but its so much better to work with musicians who are growing and that want to work and desire to be the best that they can be. I believe that is all that God asks of us.
so here I am, at home *sigh* such a wonderful feeling. Thank you Lord. I am so blessed. tonight my brother let my cat inside around 10 o'clock, my Dad and I were finishing up NCIS: Los Angeles. I waited until the show was over to feed her, and of course she meowed for that entire ten minutes. I said aloud, "How many days have you been alive cat?" and my dad answered
"too many,"
and I laughed until I cried. if you know anything about my father's "relationship" with my cat, its not good at all. she is rather dumb and is an animal, and my Dad really has no patience for that. its really funny. you probably had to be there, but at least when i read this it will make me smile :)
well, i have a paper to write for music in ministry tomorrow. its all about Martin Luther. Should just be a dandy time. time for some sleep.
cm
it was annual pie night at Brighton Assembly of God tonight. i love this night, the entire church comes together after the service with all their kids and relatives and we eat pie together with the staff. I love seeing our church come together like this, and celebrate, and be thankful. I met a girl named Sarah tonight. She is in college, i believe she is going to Schoolcraft in Livonia. She's twenty, but barely looks sixteen! She claimes people do that to her all the time, and that she'll probably be thankful for it when she's fourty :) anyway, Mom filled me in on the latest "news" of the familes of our church and i had a wonderful piece of pecan pie. so much to be thankful for. We are extremely blessed.
looking around at the people of my home congregation, I couldn't help but see people at River Tree Community. That place has truly stolen my heart. The people are so hungry, so happy to be there learning about God and each other. Its truly a beautiful thing and such an immense blessing in my life. Our band is quite good, and they have a desire to do well that as a worship arts major I couldn't ask for a better attitude. Its one thing to work with musicians who are talented and unmotivated, but its so much better to work with musicians who are growing and that want to work and desire to be the best that they can be. I believe that is all that God asks of us.
so here I am, at home *sigh* such a wonderful feeling. Thank you Lord. I am so blessed. tonight my brother let my cat inside around 10 o'clock, my Dad and I were finishing up NCIS: Los Angeles. I waited until the show was over to feed her, and of course she meowed for that entire ten minutes. I said aloud, "How many days have you been alive cat?" and my dad answered
"too many,"
and I laughed until I cried. if you know anything about my father's "relationship" with my cat, its not good at all. she is rather dumb and is an animal, and my Dad really has no patience for that. its really funny. you probably had to be there, but at least when i read this it will make me smile :)
well, i have a paper to write for music in ministry tomorrow. its all about Martin Luther. Should just be a dandy time. time for some sleep.
cm
Monday, November 23, 2009
a turning point...
so i think its time i pay attention to the body God has given me. of course I try to eat right, exercise when i remember, and i dance and worship sign, so I'm aware of my body, I just don't think i'm very intentional about it.
this has been something that has been brewing in the back of my mind. this might sound lame, or stupid, but i think i don't work out because im afraid to be found attractive. as much as i desire that, it scares me. i desperately don't want to make anyone stumble that i've gone to the extreme and im afraid to be attractive. my mother will tell you i'm already attractive, but i don't think so.
anyway, i have begun to workout. everyday i'll spend a half hour on the cross trainer machine working my way up until i can spend an hour on it. My goal is to be able to run through and around campus without feeling like im going to die. I would like to also start lifting weights. I'm not quite sure how to do that. I've been told free weights are better than the machines. but im afraid of dropping them on my toes :) so im working on finding someone that will lift weights with me. I want to get in a good routine about taking care of myself. my father has always stressed how important this is, so I guess i'm taking control of it and finally doing it.
so if you read my blog, and i haven't mentioned working out in awhile, ask me! thanks :)
cm
this has been something that has been brewing in the back of my mind. this might sound lame, or stupid, but i think i don't work out because im afraid to be found attractive. as much as i desire that, it scares me. i desperately don't want to make anyone stumble that i've gone to the extreme and im afraid to be attractive. my mother will tell you i'm already attractive, but i don't think so.
anyway, i have begun to workout. everyday i'll spend a half hour on the cross trainer machine working my way up until i can spend an hour on it. My goal is to be able to run through and around campus without feeling like im going to die. I would like to also start lifting weights. I'm not quite sure how to do that. I've been told free weights are better than the machines. but im afraid of dropping them on my toes :) so im working on finding someone that will lift weights with me. I want to get in a good routine about taking care of myself. my father has always stressed how important this is, so I guess i'm taking control of it and finally doing it.
so if you read my blog, and i haven't mentioned working out in awhile, ask me! thanks :)
cm
disappointment...
what is your biggest disappointment?
that was the question asked by music evangelist Ken Medema in Chapel today.
What is your biggest disappointment?
and cue the water works.
yep. I cried. at first I didn't know why, and then all I could think of was MOM. that's it. she's never personally disappointed me. I feel like God has let her down. She is on dialysis, and it will be six years this Christmas.
SIX YEARS
now I could have come up with a different story, of how most of the friendships I have are shallow and disappointing. How my best friend is in Texas. Or that I've never been on a date or been kissed. Those are big disappointments in a girls life. Relationships sometimes are more important than oxygen. I could also say that Wellspring was a big disappointment, which on one hand it was, but on the other, it was the best thing I have done with my summer EVER.
but all I could think about what how I disappointed my family has been because of my Mom's kidney failure. My Mom was taken off the transplant list in the State of Michigan two years ago. They claimed that she is too old, and too high a risk. She has had her hip replaced, quadruple bypass and they denied her. She is only 47. I just cannot fathom that. How can you tell, a mother of two children, "ooops, sorry you're too old and too much of a risk for us to take. have a nice life."
WHAT?
it was devastating. LIterally now we wait until some infection comes along that is too strong and takes her life. How can a person live when they have no hope of healing???
well, my Mom understands and believes that this is not her home. Earth is only a stop, she says a lot. Heaven is her home, and where she's headed. She may get there sooner than some, or maybe God will be gracious and gift her with some more years...I usually can't contain my sorrow and my pain and my guilt for being healthy at that point. I'm done for. the water works are on and they won't stop for a while. I just want to do something. I want to share my gift of health and life with her as she did when she gave birth to me.
I want to give my mom a kidney.
I have been considering this for a couple of years. I am scared out of my mind at the proposition. First, I don't want to be rejected by the doctors. I don't want them to tell me I'm not good enough, that the match isn't right. I've been told that all my life by everyone in my life. I don't need it here too. so if you're reading this, could you please pray. pray that I have the courage to go through with this, and tell my mom, and then to go to the doctors and actually do this. I'm scared. so scared. Lord give me the courage to do this. I know you will see me through. I love you. amen
cm
that was the question asked by music evangelist Ken Medema in Chapel today.
What is your biggest disappointment?
and cue the water works.
yep. I cried. at first I didn't know why, and then all I could think of was MOM. that's it. she's never personally disappointed me. I feel like God has let her down. She is on dialysis, and it will be six years this Christmas.
SIX YEARS
now I could have come up with a different story, of how most of the friendships I have are shallow and disappointing. How my best friend is in Texas. Or that I've never been on a date or been kissed. Those are big disappointments in a girls life. Relationships sometimes are more important than oxygen. I could also say that Wellspring was a big disappointment, which on one hand it was, but on the other, it was the best thing I have done with my summer EVER.
but all I could think about what how I disappointed my family has been because of my Mom's kidney failure. My Mom was taken off the transplant list in the State of Michigan two years ago. They claimed that she is too old, and too high a risk. She has had her hip replaced, quadruple bypass and they denied her. She is only 47. I just cannot fathom that. How can you tell, a mother of two children, "ooops, sorry you're too old and too much of a risk for us to take. have a nice life."
WHAT?
it was devastating. LIterally now we wait until some infection comes along that is too strong and takes her life. How can a person live when they have no hope of healing???
well, my Mom understands and believes that this is not her home. Earth is only a stop, she says a lot. Heaven is her home, and where she's headed. She may get there sooner than some, or maybe God will be gracious and gift her with some more years...I usually can't contain my sorrow and my pain and my guilt for being healthy at that point. I'm done for. the water works are on and they won't stop for a while. I just want to do something. I want to share my gift of health and life with her as she did when she gave birth to me.
I want to give my mom a kidney.
I have been considering this for a couple of years. I am scared out of my mind at the proposition. First, I don't want to be rejected by the doctors. I don't want them to tell me I'm not good enough, that the match isn't right. I've been told that all my life by everyone in my life. I don't need it here too. so if you're reading this, could you please pray. pray that I have the courage to go through with this, and tell my mom, and then to go to the doctors and actually do this. I'm scared. so scared. Lord give me the courage to do this. I know you will see me through. I love you. amen
cm
The Adventure Called Life Day 057
just another manic monday.
or so I thought. that was before I went to Chapel. Spanish was fine, I managed to pay attention and keep engaged. Plus I got a 95 on my last test! Yipee!! and to think i hardly studied...hehe...
anyway, I want to make this into another post, but I wanted to mention part of it here. Ken Medema, an amazing pianist and composer/singer was our Chapel speaker and music today. I loved it. Well, I loved the first five minutes and the last ten.
Ken asked us to share a story of disappointment. and right on cue the water works started. I literally cried the entire service. all I could think of was MOM. now my mother has never disappointed me. She is my hero, my mentor and my best friend. she is also on dialysis. six years now. The biggest disappointment of my life.
I guess I should be happy to say that's it, that is the biggest disappointment, that my mom has not received a kidney transplant. but sitting there, listening to peoples stories, made me just cry. I could hear God saying, "Carolyn, I love you. Don't cry. I know what I am doing. I AM GOD." It was a comfort, and I needed a chance to "let it go," I've been talking obsessively about the song "coming alive" by Phil Wickham lately, but its sooooo true in my life right now. I am, I am coming alive taking what is in my heart and letting it go.
cm
or so I thought. that was before I went to Chapel. Spanish was fine, I managed to pay attention and keep engaged. Plus I got a 95 on my last test! Yipee!! and to think i hardly studied...hehe...
anyway, I want to make this into another post, but I wanted to mention part of it here. Ken Medema, an amazing pianist and composer/singer was our Chapel speaker and music today. I loved it. Well, I loved the first five minutes and the last ten.
Ken asked us to share a story of disappointment. and right on cue the water works started. I literally cried the entire service. all I could think of was MOM. now my mother has never disappointed me. She is my hero, my mentor and my best friend. she is also on dialysis. six years now. The biggest disappointment of my life.
I guess I should be happy to say that's it, that is the biggest disappointment, that my mom has not received a kidney transplant. but sitting there, listening to peoples stories, made me just cry. I could hear God saying, "Carolyn, I love you. Don't cry. I know what I am doing. I AM GOD." It was a comfort, and I needed a chance to "let it go," I've been talking obsessively about the song "coming alive" by Phil Wickham lately, but its sooooo true in my life right now. I am, I am coming alive taking what is in my heart and letting it go.
cm
Sunday, November 22, 2009
open your heart...
take whats inside
and
LET IT GO
i think i listened to this song at least five times in a row this afternoon and it finally hit me.
I have been holding on to "liking" a certain someone, and not taking what is in my heart and letting it go.
so here goes.
Lord,
take them. take these feelings, these desires. they are yours, not mine anymore. I want you to do away with them, help me to find only fulfillment in you and your perfect, all consuming love. Lord you are so worthy. How can you love me? I am weird, quirky, dirty, unworthy, and yet you LOVE me. you don't just love you me, you love me unconditionally, forever. How can I ever begin to express how much that means to my soul, my very being. Satisfy me as only you can satisfy me. fill me with your Holy Spirit, may it be Christ how lives and no longer I that dwells with in me. Let your desires be my own, help me to do your will in everything i do. I love you, you alone are worthy of all the praise, honor and glory forever and forever.
in Jesus' name,
Amen.
*sigh* so that's it. I'm going to rest in his promise to never leave or fail me. I'm resting in his love. waiting for his direction, whatever that might be.
we sang a beautiful song today at River Tree. here's the youtube link, and the lyrics:
i don't know how
to say exactly how i feel
and i can't begin to tell you
what your love has meant
i'm lost for words
is there a way
to show the passion in my heart
can i express how truly great
i think you are
my dearest friend
Lord this is my desire
to pour my love on you
like oil upon your feet
like wine for you to drink
like water from my heart
i'll pour my love on you
if praise is like perfume
i'll lavish mine on you
till every drop is gone
i'll pour my love on you
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=opMkgyfps4c&feature=related
I just thought this song was so beautiful. I'm glad mitchell picked it to sing today. i personally needed it, but i hope that those in the congregation were able to worship too. we did a little improv as a band, and I stood in the back so the guitarists could share one copy of sheet music :) it was fantastic! God moved, and I pray people were changed and they were able to pour their love on God.
for so long i've been waiting, searching, putting my heart on the line when all I had to do was love God. allow myself to pour my love on him, all of it, the entire thing, every single drop...God! I love you! I just know that you've given me this deep capacity to love, that sometimes I hurt myself. so take my heart, heal it and help me to not give it away so quickly...Lord no words can describe the peace that comes when I surrender. remind me that I am yours and you are mine. that this is true fulfillment. that no man can do this for me. that you can only do this. let me never forget that you are God and I am not. thank you. I love you. amen.
cm
and
LET IT GO
i think i listened to this song at least five times in a row this afternoon and it finally hit me.
I have been holding on to "liking" a certain someone, and not taking what is in my heart and letting it go.
so here goes.
Lord,
take them. take these feelings, these desires. they are yours, not mine anymore. I want you to do away with them, help me to find only fulfillment in you and your perfect, all consuming love. Lord you are so worthy. How can you love me? I am weird, quirky, dirty, unworthy, and yet you LOVE me. you don't just love you me, you love me unconditionally, forever. How can I ever begin to express how much that means to my soul, my very being. Satisfy me as only you can satisfy me. fill me with your Holy Spirit, may it be Christ how lives and no longer I that dwells with in me. Let your desires be my own, help me to do your will in everything i do. I love you, you alone are worthy of all the praise, honor and glory forever and forever.
in Jesus' name,
Amen.
*sigh* so that's it. I'm going to rest in his promise to never leave or fail me. I'm resting in his love. waiting for his direction, whatever that might be.
we sang a beautiful song today at River Tree. here's the youtube link, and the lyrics:
i don't know how
to say exactly how i feel
and i can't begin to tell you
what your love has meant
i'm lost for words
is there a way
to show the passion in my heart
can i express how truly great
i think you are
my dearest friend
Lord this is my desire
to pour my love on you
like oil upon your feet
like wine for you to drink
like water from my heart
i'll pour my love on you
if praise is like perfume
i'll lavish mine on you
till every drop is gone
i'll pour my love on you
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=opMkgyfps4c&feature=related
I just thought this song was so beautiful. I'm glad mitchell picked it to sing today. i personally needed it, but i hope that those in the congregation were able to worship too. we did a little improv as a band, and I stood in the back so the guitarists could share one copy of sheet music :) it was fantastic! God moved, and I pray people were changed and they were able to pour their love on God.
for so long i've been waiting, searching, putting my heart on the line when all I had to do was love God. allow myself to pour my love on him, all of it, the entire thing, every single drop...God! I love you! I just know that you've given me this deep capacity to love, that sometimes I hurt myself. so take my heart, heal it and help me to not give it away so quickly...Lord no words can describe the peace that comes when I surrender. remind me that I am yours and you are mine. that this is true fulfillment. that no man can do this for me. that you can only do this. let me never forget that you are God and I am not. thank you. I love you. amen.
cm
The Adventure Called Life Day 056
so i am not courageous. I'm a chicken, through and through. I think maybe I should talk to the Pastor about this. I feel that the Pastor knows him at more a professional and mature level than I do. I think the Pastor could help me maybe sort out what I'm feeling. Maybe I can just "get over it" and move on. That would be wonderful.
I'm sure that even the Pastor must know. I should email him. Maybe attach the letter I "wrote" to him. I just can't do this anymore. I'm convinced he thinks I'm crazy, batty and completely stupid. I'm sure he thinks I'm too weird to date or even really be friends with. I'm not some "sweet" or "cool" person. He is just that. He actually fits in. I never have.
well we have Thanks and Praise tonight. I hope that everything goes well. We need it to. pray for us. thanks!
cm
I'm sure that even the Pastor must know. I should email him. Maybe attach the letter I "wrote" to him. I just can't do this anymore. I'm convinced he thinks I'm crazy, batty and completely stupid. I'm sure he thinks I'm too weird to date or even really be friends with. I'm not some "sweet" or "cool" person. He is just that. He actually fits in. I never have.
well we have Thanks and Praise tonight. I hope that everything goes well. We need it to. pray for us. thanks!
cm
finding the words...
how do you tell someone you like them? theoretically its quite simple, you just say, "I like you," but practically that is another story.
im not sure if this is the right time either. i am so afraid of being rejected, i have literally torn myself in two. my heart says, "Go for it!" but my head screams, "no! its going to hurt!"
well love hurts. and love stinks. or so the song says.
so do i take the chance? do i tell him how i feel? do i put our friendship at risk? we work together. we're in the same major, we have classes together...what do i do?
O Lord, give me the words. help me to know what to say and when to say it. help me to speak truthfully. help me to be gracious and compassionate. Lord, do I tell me? help me to know what to do. i need your guidance. you alone are God, I am not. I cannot do this on my own. you are my strength and my rock. if i am rejected I will not fall, because my strength and my assurance comes from you.
in Jesus' name,
Amen.
so if you can offer your advice, please do. I just don't know what to do. we have break coming up and I would love to tell him before that so if he does reject me i can have a few days to get over it :)
thanks.
cm
im not sure if this is the right time either. i am so afraid of being rejected, i have literally torn myself in two. my heart says, "Go for it!" but my head screams, "no! its going to hurt!"
well love hurts. and love stinks. or so the song says.
so do i take the chance? do i tell him how i feel? do i put our friendship at risk? we work together. we're in the same major, we have classes together...what do i do?
O Lord, give me the words. help me to know what to say and when to say it. help me to speak truthfully. help me to be gracious and compassionate. Lord, do I tell me? help me to know what to do. i need your guidance. you alone are God, I am not. I cannot do this on my own. you are my strength and my rock. if i am rejected I will not fall, because my strength and my assurance comes from you.
in Jesus' name,
Amen.
so if you can offer your advice, please do. I just don't know what to do. we have break coming up and I would love to tell him before that so if he does reject me i can have a few days to get over it :)
thanks.
cm
Saturday, November 21, 2009
The Adventure Called Life Day 055
lots and lots of stuff to get done today! and so little time to do it all...well it looks like I'll be missing the Michigan/Ohio State game for Drumline. LAME. I wanted to see if anyone on campus was watching it, I'm sure there are plenty of people watching it. We have lots of people from Ohio here at SAU, and of course there are plenty of Wolverines on campus :)
let's see...I have COM 102 to finish. Then I have a MUS 306 assignment to start. Oh, and I have conducting to prepare for, piano and guitar to practice as well. I think its a very good thing we are not going on a church visit today :) That means I have lots more time to get things done...Praise the Lord! too bad I won't get to hang out with Mitchell and Heath though. They're great! well, assignments are important. so here's to my education...
cm
let's see...I have COM 102 to finish. Then I have a MUS 306 assignment to start. Oh, and I have conducting to prepare for, piano and guitar to practice as well. I think its a very good thing we are not going on a church visit today :) That means I have lots more time to get things done...Praise the Lord! too bad I won't get to hang out with Mitchell and Heath though. They're great! well, assignments are important. so here's to my education...
cm
Friday, November 20, 2009
The Adventure Called Life Day 054
Lord,
I need help. I need your guidance. I feel like I'm drowning in all the assignments that I'm miss what you have for me. I feel as if I don't know how to get it all done, and enjoy you and your creation at the same time. Help me to focus, but also take a step back and enjoy the world around me.
Well slow down I did...zero homework done today, but I did get my hair cut, dance for Jazz bash, and see New Moon with Heather! at least I was productive in some way! LOL..
well it still physically hurts. not being given the chance. I just want the chance to love someone. is that too much to ask for? must be. plus he knows, and if he doesn't he's denying it. its way to obvious. alright. I need sleep. goodnight all.
cm
I need help. I need your guidance. I feel like I'm drowning in all the assignments that I'm miss what you have for me. I feel as if I don't know how to get it all done, and enjoy you and your creation at the same time. Help me to focus, but also take a step back and enjoy the world around me.
Well slow down I did...zero homework done today, but I did get my hair cut, dance for Jazz bash, and see New Moon with Heather! at least I was productive in some way! LOL..
well it still physically hurts. not being given the chance. I just want the chance to love someone. is that too much to ask for? must be. plus he knows, and if he doesn't he's denying it. its way to obvious. alright. I need sleep. goodnight all.
cm
Thursday, November 19, 2009
The Adventure Called Life Day 053...coming alive...
i see a banner of love
lifted over our heads
its waving in the sky
and its stained in red
from the far away hills
comes a voice in the night
its ringing in our hearts
like a battle cry
now we're coming alive
we're coming alive
open your heart
take whats inside
and let it go
we're speaking out for a change
but words are never enough
we could be the hands and feet of love
now we're coming alive
yeah we're coming alive
open your heart
takes what's inside
and let it go
wake up from your sleeping
there's something to believe in
the only way to love is to give yourself
give yourself
now we're coming alive
we're coming alive
open your heart
take what's inside
and let it go
COMING ALIVE - Phil Wickham - Heaven and Earth
this is a new song from my favorite worship leader, Phil Wickham. I classify him as a worship leader because his concerts are not a show. they are an opportunity to draw closer to God and experience God on a deeper level. He presents the Truth unashamedly. I am thankful for his talent, and that he has chosen to give it back to God to be used to bring Him glory. Its beautiful. Its something I strive for daily. I want everything that I am to be surrendered and given back to God to be used by Him. I long to be completely surrendered, that I no longer worry about my own comfort, my own selfish desired. I am a servant to the King, and I will serve him with everything that I am.
Jake spoke last night about Unity. He also talked about how God loves us JUST AS WE ARE. and that we are exactly who we are supposed to be. There are days where I hate everything about myself. and still God loves me. He claims to be quite fond of us. Even in our faults. Think about it, if we didn't have faults, would we need God? How would he shine through us? If we were perfect, how would God's desire to be in relationship with us be satisfied? Think about it, your relationships with people are not perfect. Often times that is what makes them the most beautiful. I know in my life that my closest relationships are often the messiest and difficult. We know everything about each other, strengths, weaknesses, imperfections, the whole deal. In that, we are able to lift the other up in areas where we are not the strongest, making us stronger together than we are apart. Its a thing of beauty.
Lord,
so we're coming alive, opening our hearts, taking what's inside and letting it go, because Lord, what you have for us is so much more, so much sweeter, so much bigger than we can ever imagine. Thank you.
in Jesus' name,
Amen
cm
we get smaller YOU get bigger...
that was my prayer tonight. That we would become smaller, as God became bigger.
and the moments. oh how I loved the glimpses of glory. of surrender, of grace. Tonight amidst the congregation, I saw God. I saw him manifested in the smiles, in the tears, in the laughter and the cries for help. I saw him in the hands raised in the heads bowed. I saw him moving among the people and it took my breath away.
tonight I found my voice. I found myself confident. Not in my ability, but God ability to be strong in my weakness. That is probably what I need to do in piano. I need to allow God to be strong in my weakness. anyway, I really felt tonight that THIS IS IT. This is what I am BORN to do! I may need more practice, I may need a bit more training, but THIS IS IT. Planning the service, making sure it goes as planned, and leading the team...THIS IS IT. I sort of felt that this summer, but it was more pronounced, more clear tonight.
I praise God for tonight, and that things went relatively smoothly...I'm sort of dreading seeing myself on video we'll just conquer that when it comes...I just hope that tonight made an impact on people and they were able to connect with God and give him praise.
cm
and the moments. oh how I loved the glimpses of glory. of surrender, of grace. Tonight amidst the congregation, I saw God. I saw him manifested in the smiles, in the tears, in the laughter and the cries for help. I saw him in the hands raised in the heads bowed. I saw him moving among the people and it took my breath away.
tonight I found my voice. I found myself confident. Not in my ability, but God ability to be strong in my weakness. That is probably what I need to do in piano. I need to allow God to be strong in my weakness. anyway, I really felt tonight that THIS IS IT. This is what I am BORN to do! I may need more practice, I may need a bit more training, but THIS IS IT. Planning the service, making sure it goes as planned, and leading the team...THIS IS IT. I sort of felt that this summer, but it was more pronounced, more clear tonight.
I praise God for tonight, and that things went relatively smoothly...I'm sort of dreading seeing myself on video we'll just conquer that when it comes...I just hope that tonight made an impact on people and they were able to connect with God and give him praise.
cm
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
The Adventure Called Life Day 052
good morning SAU!
I woke up this morning, not really thankful to be breathing. fortunately morning meditation with God helped immensely. I make it a point to not speak, and not even think about what is coming up that day for the first half hour of my day. I work on LISTENING. this is something I struggle with during normal conversation, much less my conversations with God. So far its been awful. I have to constantly stop myself from jumping ahead to what needs to be done that day. This morning all I could think about is, I have to meet with Jake after Chapel, then there is a Choir rehearsal at 6:30 and Prop Shop worship at 8pm.
anyway. I'm praying for peace this morning. I have lots to do, and of course not a whole lot of time because of classes and preparation for tonight.
well I better pay attention in class, I'm sitting in Spanish. Since I've been sick, I'm quite far behind...wish me luck....
cm
I woke up this morning, not really thankful to be breathing. fortunately morning meditation with God helped immensely. I make it a point to not speak, and not even think about what is coming up that day for the first half hour of my day. I work on LISTENING. this is something I struggle with during normal conversation, much less my conversations with God. So far its been awful. I have to constantly stop myself from jumping ahead to what needs to be done that day. This morning all I could think about is, I have to meet with Jake after Chapel, then there is a Choir rehearsal at 6:30 and Prop Shop worship at 8pm.
anyway. I'm praying for peace this morning. I have lots to do, and of course not a whole lot of time because of classes and preparation for tonight.
well I better pay attention in class, I'm sitting in Spanish. Since I've been sick, I'm quite far behind...wish me luck....
cm
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
operation immersion: in effect
so i've been working on being more social. I feel like I need a twelve step program...
im currently sitting in village E in Heath and Corey's room. Its way fun! We're watching Big Bang Theory, drinking tea and play War Craft, well they're playing War Craft and I'm enjoying reminiscing about how awesome this is! LOL...
some girls may find this "hanging out" to be completely boring, but this is just the ticket. No talk about feelings, no crying over break-ups or worries over boys. If they talk about girls, I just tune it out...and wait, they don't really talk about them. huh. that's interesting.
anyway, they drink tea so its cool :)
cm
im currently sitting in village E in Heath and Corey's room. Its way fun! We're watching Big Bang Theory, drinking tea and play War Craft, well they're playing War Craft and I'm enjoying reminiscing about how awesome this is! LOL...
some girls may find this "hanging out" to be completely boring, but this is just the ticket. No talk about feelings, no crying over break-ups or worries over boys. If they talk about girls, I just tune it out...and wait, they don't really talk about them. huh. that's interesting.
anyway, they drink tea so its cool :)
cm
The Adventure Called Life Day 051
HELP! I'm drowning! I'm drowning in homework!! AH!
I'll bet that every student on campus is feeling this exact sentiment. We're drowning in a sea of homework and assignments with a serious case of procrastination. Look, I'm procrastinating now. I'm blogging instead of researching for my COM 102 posts...oh joy. Its an online class that is going to literally be the death of me.
tomorrow is the combined rehearsal with the SAFMC sanctuary choir and the SAU concert choir. Its at 6:30 then we have prop shop set up and run through at 8pm. PSW starts at 9:30. pray that everything goes well. also pray that people are able to connect with God and he is able to connect with them. I am so thankful for this time of worship and praise. We get to come together as a community of believers and celebrate Jesus' sacrifice and his love for us. Its really a beautiful thing.
alright, i would write more, but I need to start working on my assignments for tomorrow...
cm
I'll bet that every student on campus is feeling this exact sentiment. We're drowning in a sea of homework and assignments with a serious case of procrastination. Look, I'm procrastinating now. I'm blogging instead of researching for my COM 102 posts...oh joy. Its an online class that is going to literally be the death of me.
tomorrow is the combined rehearsal with the SAFMC sanctuary choir and the SAU concert choir. Its at 6:30 then we have prop shop set up and run through at 8pm. PSW starts at 9:30. pray that everything goes well. also pray that people are able to connect with God and he is able to connect with them. I am so thankful for this time of worship and praise. We get to come together as a community of believers and celebrate Jesus' sacrifice and his love for us. Its really a beautiful thing.
alright, i would write more, but I need to start working on my assignments for tomorrow...
cm
Monday, November 16, 2009
The Adventure Called Life Day 050
happy big 5-0! its day 50 of my little challenge to myself...only 315 days left :)
today Chapel provided an opportunity, an opportunity for me to start over, begin again and be restored. Bridgett Duffey's pastor, Rick spoke today. He brought us the prophecy that is found in Joel 2 and is fulfilled in Acts 2.
He stressed that he wasn't looking for an "experience" he was looking for people to go with God, and come expecting the unexpected. He called for a generation that no longer puts God into our little denominational boxes, and our little experience boxes. He called for people to come and leave expectations behind.
finally.
Something has been stirring inside of me regarding this for quite some time. I am simply puzzled by denominational wars and arguments. I was one of those Pentecostals who thought that Pentecostal was the only way to go and that we some how had it all figured out. boy was I wrong. No one has it all figured out. Jesus doesn't even know the hour that HE will return to heaven, how are we supposed to know?
I have always been puzzled at the thought we can somehow determine what God will do, or how he will manifest himself. HE IS GOD. doesn't that blow down all walls we could ever construct, cross cultural, social and economic boundaries. Do we truly believe that He is God? How can we limit the One who has always been. The One who is creator of all things, who loves us so deeply we can't contain it (this is my theory of what joy is) and who made each of us unique with little quirks and differences, coloring the entire world a brilliant shade of multi-dimensional rainbow.
tonight is the final rehearsal for Prop Shop Worship. I am honestly a little disappointed with the effort put forth and the creativity that has been expressed. I have decided to worship sign "Many Gifts One Spirit" because people haven't stepped up with the scripture. well I have lots to do and accomplish before class...
cm
today Chapel provided an opportunity, an opportunity for me to start over, begin again and be restored. Bridgett Duffey's pastor, Rick spoke today. He brought us the prophecy that is found in Joel 2 and is fulfilled in Acts 2.
He stressed that he wasn't looking for an "experience" he was looking for people to go with God, and come expecting the unexpected. He called for a generation that no longer puts God into our little denominational boxes, and our little experience boxes. He called for people to come and leave expectations behind.
finally.
Something has been stirring inside of me regarding this for quite some time. I am simply puzzled by denominational wars and arguments. I was one of those Pentecostals who thought that Pentecostal was the only way to go and that we some how had it all figured out. boy was I wrong. No one has it all figured out. Jesus doesn't even know the hour that HE will return to heaven, how are we supposed to know?
I have always been puzzled at the thought we can somehow determine what God will do, or how he will manifest himself. HE IS GOD. doesn't that blow down all walls we could ever construct, cross cultural, social and economic boundaries. Do we truly believe that He is God? How can we limit the One who has always been. The One who is creator of all things, who loves us so deeply we can't contain it (this is my theory of what joy is) and who made each of us unique with little quirks and differences, coloring the entire world a brilliant shade of multi-dimensional rainbow.
tonight is the final rehearsal for Prop Shop Worship. I am honestly a little disappointed with the effort put forth and the creativity that has been expressed. I have decided to worship sign "Many Gifts One Spirit" because people haven't stepped up with the scripture. well I have lots to do and accomplish before class...
cm
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Heaven and Earth
Phil Wickham's brand new album comes out on Tuesday. I am waiting until Christmas to own it, since my mother claims that I have no need to buy it. That usually means she's already ordered it. thanks mom!
Anyway, I went to the Phil Wickham concert at The District in Lake Orion on friday night. Probably one of the best concerts I've been to. The venue rocked, Mitch and Heath both sat behind the sound board for AUD 174, and just because sound boards rock too :) I sound system is state of the art, Mitch tells me it runs at an easy 110 Decibels without distortion. that's pretty hip.
If it was possible for my admiration to grow of Phil Wickham it has. He is an amazing song writer, vocalist and also has killer stage presence. There are some people that you can't take seriously *cough* the singer before Phil *cough* but Phil is the real deal. He is a very gifted worship leader, he wasn't giving a concert, he was leading worship. That's uber cool in my book. I would rather artists do that than "give concerts".
one song in particular blew me away, its called I'll Always Love You, and its off the new record.
here's the link http://www.youtube.com/user/joeelliottroxmysox#p/a/f/0/KLozv-DUGcE
cm
Anyway, I went to the Phil Wickham concert at The District in Lake Orion on friday night. Probably one of the best concerts I've been to. The venue rocked, Mitch and Heath both sat behind the sound board for AUD 174, and just because sound boards rock too :) I sound system is state of the art, Mitch tells me it runs at an easy 110 Decibels without distortion. that's pretty hip.
If it was possible for my admiration to grow of Phil Wickham it has. He is an amazing song writer, vocalist and also has killer stage presence. There are some people that you can't take seriously *cough* the singer before Phil *cough* but Phil is the real deal. He is a very gifted worship leader, he wasn't giving a concert, he was leading worship. That's uber cool in my book. I would rather artists do that than "give concerts".
one song in particular blew me away, its called I'll Always Love You, and its off the new record.
here's the link http://www.youtube.com/user/joeelliottroxmysox#p/a/f/0/KLozv-DUGcE
cm
The Adventure Called Life Day 049
its laundry day! and yes, I enjoy doing it, so sue me :) there are just somethings about being a "woman" that I'm completely okay with, for example...cooking (when I have the time to do it right) cleaning (again time is also a factor) and even laundry. You would think I have men lining up at my door...and yet the "take a number" tickets remain untouched. My mother reassures me with the idea that some day the men in my life will want a mature, stable woman. That they will reach the point of "settling" down. Well, what if I don't want to quote on quote "settle down"? Is that all I'm made for? I sure hope not. I don't want a man that I can cook, clean and do laundry for. His mother does that. I desire a relationship where we "do life" together. Together is definitely the key word, of course we may differ on things such as music, or sports programs. But most of the time we are compatible and work well with each other. Sometimes I wish I could just say, "Hey, I think we'd be really great together," but I must be patient. Plus the person I have in mind is very mysterious and clammed up. I try to talk about things of the heart but all I get is silence. I would like to think he at least cares for me, wants to see no harm come to me...okay i'm sounding really lame.
but really, I just want to enjoy being a woman, a single one at that for the for seeable future. There is something about enjoying a good bubble bath, or really wonderful movie that touches the heart and stirs the soul. I love words, the way they can shape and sharpen an idea. or make things appear broader or bring them into focus...music is another passion of mine, I know that Coldplay maybe some what monotonous (okay so they only understand the words mellow, four-four and ooohhhs) but it fits my mood sometimes. background noise can bring what I'm doing into focus. Plus i like the ooohhs...I'm a vocalist. we thrive on vocal lines and melodic passages! I enjoy wearing dresses, wearing mascara, lip stick, and doing my hair. I also enjoy dancing, it makes me feel very feminine. I'm not talking about club dancing, I'm talking about lyrical and certain latin ballroom styles. in addition to exercise, I feel like it takes care of my body, making me more aware of all my muscles and joints. I discovered my hips in lyrical class, not in the mirror. There is a certain "woman sway" that one attains when their hips flare out, also I discovered what it meant to be okay in my body by dance. It made my curves make sense and it made my ridiculously long legs something to be envied :) also my hair is really great for lyrical. true story.
alright, enough blabbing...its time to put the laundry in and get down to business. I would like to take a nap though. and watch a movie later. I was thinking maybe a Bourne Movie would be just the ticket...
cm
but really, I just want to enjoy being a woman, a single one at that for the for seeable future. There is something about enjoying a good bubble bath, or really wonderful movie that touches the heart and stirs the soul. I love words, the way they can shape and sharpen an idea. or make things appear broader or bring them into focus...music is another passion of mine, I know that Coldplay maybe some what monotonous (okay so they only understand the words mellow, four-four and ooohhhs) but it fits my mood sometimes. background noise can bring what I'm doing into focus. Plus i like the ooohhs...I'm a vocalist. we thrive on vocal lines and melodic passages! I enjoy wearing dresses, wearing mascara, lip stick, and doing my hair. I also enjoy dancing, it makes me feel very feminine. I'm not talking about club dancing, I'm talking about lyrical and certain latin ballroom styles. in addition to exercise, I feel like it takes care of my body, making me more aware of all my muscles and joints. I discovered my hips in lyrical class, not in the mirror. There is a certain "woman sway" that one attains when their hips flare out, also I discovered what it meant to be okay in my body by dance. It made my curves make sense and it made my ridiculously long legs something to be envied :) also my hair is really great for lyrical. true story.
alright, enough blabbing...its time to put the laundry in and get down to business. I would like to take a nap though. and watch a movie later. I was thinking maybe a Bourne Movie would be just the ticket...
cm
Saturday, November 14, 2009
The Adventure Called LIfe Day 048
so I pretty much detest myself right now. first off, I'm a complete idiot. I have a crush, okay so its more than a crush on HE WHO MUST NOT BE NAMED (okay, if you must know, here's a hint: he plays guitar) and it just is bugging me, I know he knows. He must. Its all I can do not to tell him, its mortifying though. I'm not really making sense...
anyway, tonight my housemates had a dinner. I know they must think I already ate, because no one is inviting me to join. They all went out to take pictures, then returned home to a dinner prepared by Melanie's Mom, call me crazy, but I thought maybe, just maybe, someone would make sure I ate something, or ask them to join them.
WHY DOES NO ONE CARE ABOUT ME THE WAY I WANT THEM TOO? Is it wrong to want someone to care about me like a best friend, a sister of sorts? I don't know what to do anymore. I must just care too deeply, love too deeply, without warrant. Its frustrating. I just want someone to care, to want to get to know everything about me. I want to share my heart with someone tangible.
God isn't tangible. I'm struggling right now in my prayer life. BIG TIME. and its showing. I long for a relationship where someone knows me inside and out. God does. I know he does, and yet he wants to hear it from me. Well, okay. I guess I can do that. Maybe I'll start a journal, maybe of letters to God. Yes, that is what I'll do. then I'll find a book of the bible, that tells me about God, not about what he has done, but at WHO HE IS. how I long to know who he is. I have always wondered, does God like vanilla or chocolate? How about stuffed crust or not? Oh, and what season is his favorite? Does he even have a favorite season? What does he especially love about all of them? He must have a special thing about everything that he likes the best. I know he loves us each the same, but is there something in each of us that he is particularly attracted to and proud of? I would like to think so...
well, I think I'll go find a really good salad, finish my DB postings, take the COM 102 quiz, and watch the Truman Show because I have to for class and enjoy being ALONE in a house full of six other women.
cm
anyway, tonight my housemates had a dinner. I know they must think I already ate, because no one is inviting me to join. They all went out to take pictures, then returned home to a dinner prepared by Melanie's Mom, call me crazy, but I thought maybe, just maybe, someone would make sure I ate something, or ask them to join them.
WHY DOES NO ONE CARE ABOUT ME THE WAY I WANT THEM TOO? Is it wrong to want someone to care about me like a best friend, a sister of sorts? I don't know what to do anymore. I must just care too deeply, love too deeply, without warrant. Its frustrating. I just want someone to care, to want to get to know everything about me. I want to share my heart with someone tangible.
God isn't tangible. I'm struggling right now in my prayer life. BIG TIME. and its showing. I long for a relationship where someone knows me inside and out. God does. I know he does, and yet he wants to hear it from me. Well, okay. I guess I can do that. Maybe I'll start a journal, maybe of letters to God. Yes, that is what I'll do. then I'll find a book of the bible, that tells me about God, not about what he has done, but at WHO HE IS. how I long to know who he is. I have always wondered, does God like vanilla or chocolate? How about stuffed crust or not? Oh, and what season is his favorite? Does he even have a favorite season? What does he especially love about all of them? He must have a special thing about everything that he likes the best. I know he loves us each the same, but is there something in each of us that he is particularly attracted to and proud of? I would like to think so...
well, I think I'll go find a really good salad, finish my DB postings, take the COM 102 quiz, and watch the Truman Show because I have to for class and enjoy being ALONE in a house full of six other women.
cm
Friday, November 13, 2009
The Adventure Called Life Day 047
so i might be going on an adventure :) going to a concert venue two hours away, WITH NO TICKETS on a friday night, just because I can.
now I have super silly smile on my face,
Mitch and I might be going to a Phil Wickham concert tonight! Its at the District in Lake Orion, which is like two hours away from campus. and its sort of ironic, because he just walked by...and it seems it might be almost- well put it this way, I hope we're going, if not, I'll be very very very, did I say very disappointed.
we're moving along nicely with prop shop at this point. We only have three songs left, We Shine, Kindness, and We Give You Glory. We do need another slow song for communion...I'm thinking of maybe trying to find a Hillsong song, or maybe an oldie but goodie. wish me luck!
cm
now I have super silly smile on my face,
Mitch and I might be going to a Phil Wickham concert tonight! Its at the District in Lake Orion, which is like two hours away from campus. and its sort of ironic, because he just walked by...and it seems it might be almost- well put it this way, I hope we're going, if not, I'll be very very very, did I say very disappointed.
we're moving along nicely with prop shop at this point. We only have three songs left, We Shine, Kindness, and We Give You Glory. We do need another slow song for communion...I'm thinking of maybe trying to find a Hillsong song, or maybe an oldie but goodie. wish me luck!
cm
Thursday, November 12, 2009
complex and awkward...that's me :)
Two things come to mind when I think back on our reunion...
awkward.
and
nothings changed
I thought maybe, just maybe that the people I spent the summer with were different outside of wellspring, that somehow, being on the team made them react differently...I was wrong. I also thought that maybe after they had time to reflect, they would have changed, or at least had a different outlook on life...wrong again.
I guess I was the only one who remained changed. I left Wellspring joyous and high on life. I haven't stopped feeling that way. I pray that others on the team were changed by what transpired this summer. I have always been joyful, but this summer really did me in. I was told by heather that people think I'm fake. that I'm too nice, and too happy. People cannot discern if I'm authentic or not. This really hurt. What's the title of this blog again? oh yeah, AUTHENTICITY. nice, real nice. now I'll just go over in the corner and cry, because I wear my heart on my sleeve and everyone secretly thinks I'm fake...
I also found out that I'm pretty complex. Alright, I'm just plain complex. I do things just because I like it. I usually can't tell you why, I just like it. Okay, well the truth is, I didn't want to tell Mitch why I liked driving the "inconvenient" way back to SAU from Wal*Mart. Actually its quite lame. I was proud that I learned a new way, that I remembered that robinson connects to both Spring Arbor Rd and Michigan Avenue, which connects to McCain, which connects to Reynolds rd that again connects to M-60 and SA campus...and its different than the other ways that EVERYONE ELSE takes to and from campus. I usually love convenience, since it is a time saver at its best quality. Taking robinson rd to McCain then to Reynolds Rd to Spring Arbor is INCONVENIENT. and I like it that way. because I discovered it works, and I like taking the back way. I don't like expressways, and it seems lame to take it in this instance...okay this is getting to be really dumb. I'm sorry I mentioned it in the post. I guess the deeper issue is that I discovered it, and I like to take it. It reminds me of home, and reminds me of my family, which in turn makes me feel connected to my parents, whom I love and miss terribly. I'm sure everyone at school is really sick of hearing it. I know Mitch is, all he hears from me is, my family this, and oh yeah, my family that....
I often wonder how others see me, mostly just out of curiosity. I know that their opinion doesn't matter, that God's is the only one that truly matters. I just wonder if they see past my awkwardness, do they see the complex, dreaming, driven, willing to love deeper than anyone in history, person inside? I have also been told that I love too deeply. How can you love too deeply? Its literally killing me, that Heather brought this up. I feel like I should talk to her again. I know she was trying to help, that she is coming from a place that I've never been.
I have often wondered why that is, what about me causes men to literally run the other way? What's so wrong with me that no one has taken an interest in me? I have never been told by a guy that they "like" me, or that they are interested in getting to know me better, or anything like that. I feel so naive, and completely at a loss for even attempting to consider how that would feel. I know that God is supposed to be enough...but what about this desire within me that was so desperately to love someone so deeply, so unconditionally, so boldly, that they never doubt how I feel about them, and that they know that they're okay, and a success, no matter how they fail in life. That I LOVE THEM. I want to be that for someone. I don't even want that for myself, I just want the chance to LOVE SOMEONE.
and this is the part where God goes, "Okay, then LOVE ME."
....
oh.
So this is me taking that step.
Lord, I LOVE YOU. with everything that I am, I LOVE YOU. no matter what I think you should do, or what you do, I LOVE YOU because you are GOD. there is no one like you. You are Lord and I surrender to your will, and your power. To you be all the Glory Honor and Praise, Almighty God. I LOVE YOU. thank you.
In Jesus' name,
amen
So Its been about a year since I said that prayer. I'm still working on being completely in love with God. Its a daily battle. I still have this burning desire to love a man. It sits there in the back of my heart, and just burns. I've asked God to take it away, I've asked God to put it out, I've surrendered it, thrown it away. And yet it still burns. I pray everyday that God does with that desire what HE wants and I don't do with it what I want. That what he wants will become what I want.
So if anyone has any advice on these issues, since I have no experience in these kinds of matters, that would be most welcome and most helpful. Thank you.
cm
awkward.
and
nothings changed
I thought maybe, just maybe that the people I spent the summer with were different outside of wellspring, that somehow, being on the team made them react differently...I was wrong. I also thought that maybe after they had time to reflect, they would have changed, or at least had a different outlook on life...wrong again.
I guess I was the only one who remained changed. I left Wellspring joyous and high on life. I haven't stopped feeling that way. I pray that others on the team were changed by what transpired this summer. I have always been joyful, but this summer really did me in. I was told by heather that people think I'm fake. that I'm too nice, and too happy. People cannot discern if I'm authentic or not. This really hurt. What's the title of this blog again? oh yeah, AUTHENTICITY. nice, real nice. now I'll just go over in the corner and cry, because I wear my heart on my sleeve and everyone secretly thinks I'm fake...
I also found out that I'm pretty complex. Alright, I'm just plain complex. I do things just because I like it. I usually can't tell you why, I just like it. Okay, well the truth is, I didn't want to tell Mitch why I liked driving the "inconvenient" way back to SAU from Wal*Mart. Actually its quite lame. I was proud that I learned a new way, that I remembered that robinson connects to both Spring Arbor Rd and Michigan Avenue, which connects to McCain, which connects to Reynolds rd that again connects to M-60 and SA campus...and its different than the other ways that EVERYONE ELSE takes to and from campus. I usually love convenience, since it is a time saver at its best quality. Taking robinson rd to McCain then to Reynolds Rd to Spring Arbor is INCONVENIENT. and I like it that way. because I discovered it works, and I like taking the back way. I don't like expressways, and it seems lame to take it in this instance...okay this is getting to be really dumb. I'm sorry I mentioned it in the post. I guess the deeper issue is that I discovered it, and I like to take it. It reminds me of home, and reminds me of my family, which in turn makes me feel connected to my parents, whom I love and miss terribly. I'm sure everyone at school is really sick of hearing it. I know Mitch is, all he hears from me is, my family this, and oh yeah, my family that....
I often wonder how others see me, mostly just out of curiosity. I know that their opinion doesn't matter, that God's is the only one that truly matters. I just wonder if they see past my awkwardness, do they see the complex, dreaming, driven, willing to love deeper than anyone in history, person inside? I have also been told that I love too deeply. How can you love too deeply? Its literally killing me, that Heather brought this up. I feel like I should talk to her again. I know she was trying to help, that she is coming from a place that I've never been.
I have often wondered why that is, what about me causes men to literally run the other way? What's so wrong with me that no one has taken an interest in me? I have never been told by a guy that they "like" me, or that they are interested in getting to know me better, or anything like that. I feel so naive, and completely at a loss for even attempting to consider how that would feel. I know that God is supposed to be enough...but what about this desire within me that was so desperately to love someone so deeply, so unconditionally, so boldly, that they never doubt how I feel about them, and that they know that they're okay, and a success, no matter how they fail in life. That I LOVE THEM. I want to be that for someone. I don't even want that for myself, I just want the chance to LOVE SOMEONE.
and this is the part where God goes, "Okay, then LOVE ME."
....
oh.
So this is me taking that step.
Lord, I LOVE YOU. with everything that I am, I LOVE YOU. no matter what I think you should do, or what you do, I LOVE YOU because you are GOD. there is no one like you. You are Lord and I surrender to your will, and your power. To you be all the Glory Honor and Praise, Almighty God. I LOVE YOU. thank you.
In Jesus' name,
amen
So Its been about a year since I said that prayer. I'm still working on being completely in love with God. Its a daily battle. I still have this burning desire to love a man. It sits there in the back of my heart, and just burns. I've asked God to take it away, I've asked God to put it out, I've surrendered it, thrown it away. And yet it still burns. I pray everyday that God does with that desire what HE wants and I don't do with it what I want. That what he wants will become what I want.
So if anyone has any advice on these issues, since I have no experience in these kinds of matters, that would be most welcome and most helpful. Thank you.
cm
The Adventure Called Life Day 046
Wellspring J reunion :) minus Casey and Phillip :( sad day.
but i ROCKED choral conducting today! Dr. Livesay was very happy with my conducting. He was NOT happy with the rest of the class. Apparently he wasn't happy with their preparation.
so anyway, Wellspring re-union...I'll write a review later...
chapel tomorrow! Senior Expedition! its going to be packed, but its going to be great! I love to see all the prospective students experience campus and then chapel. Sometimes I think its the best time of the day. Its like we come together, laying aside everything else that fills out lives, to remember that we ARE ONE. that we are one in the body, united with Christ. there will be a follow-up to the wellspring reunion...
cm
but i ROCKED choral conducting today! Dr. Livesay was very happy with my conducting. He was NOT happy with the rest of the class. Apparently he wasn't happy with their preparation.
so anyway, Wellspring re-union...I'll write a review later...
chapel tomorrow! Senior Expedition! its going to be packed, but its going to be great! I love to see all the prospective students experience campus and then chapel. Sometimes I think its the best time of the day. Its like we come together, laying aside everything else that fills out lives, to remember that we ARE ONE. that we are one in the body, united with Christ. there will be a follow-up to the wellspring reunion...
cm
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
The Adventure Called Life Day 045
today in my music and ministry class we received articles, and were sent out to work on them in groups. I chose to work in the group that was most out of my box. I chose the gaming article. our group is Heath, Mitch, Kayla and myself. It stressed the importance of community, and the importance of acceptance that the teenagers crave. so this will be rather interesting, seems that my group is unsatisfied by what the articles have to offer. WE ARE GOING DEEPER! yay :) I LOVE when this happens. This is when I truly feel like I am at University, going off of what the Professor started and gave us, and exploring what else is out there. so great.
melanie is still sick. please keep praying she is well soon. We miss her, but I know that missing class is not very easy at this time in the semester!
well, I think I might grab a coffee, then head over to the Wellspring Room to get things set up for practice! so excited! phil is going to be there to play electric! yay! I think that might be the second time i've typed yay. wow. LOL...well its time to get moving. I have conducting to study for tonight, and piano to work on also! busy busy busy day!
cm
melanie is still sick. please keep praying she is well soon. We miss her, but I know that missing class is not very easy at this time in the semester!
well, I think I might grab a coffee, then head over to the Wellspring Room to get things set up for practice! so excited! phil is going to be there to play electric! yay! I think that might be the second time i've typed yay. wow. LOL...well its time to get moving. I have conducting to study for tonight, and piano to work on also! busy busy busy day!
cm
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
The Adventure Called Life day 044
It seems that I am in over my head. oh boy. I have so much to do, so little time, and so little energy. why does it seems to happen that way! so much to do, and yet it seems there is not time or energy to complete it.
could it be that im relying on the wrong energy source to complete and finish my tasks and get through my day? could it be that im relying on my own strength to accomplish things, rather than relying on God to take care of me? I would like to telll you no, but YES. that's exactly what I have been doing.
every once in a while, I need a reminder that I have no business in trying to do things on my own. Today, Kyle gave a devotion in Choir that confirmed this. He used Psalm 22 as an example. Here the Psalmist is crying out, asking God for help, realizing that he has been doing things on his own. God has promised to walk with me, and even carry my burdens. Its time I let him. Of course I have the responsibility to complete the tasks, and get everything done. but I can do it without my strength. I can do it with His. that's just beautiful. thanks Lord.
cm
could it be that im relying on the wrong energy source to complete and finish my tasks and get through my day? could it be that im relying on my own strength to accomplish things, rather than relying on God to take care of me? I would like to telll you no, but YES. that's exactly what I have been doing.
every once in a while, I need a reminder that I have no business in trying to do things on my own. Today, Kyle gave a devotion in Choir that confirmed this. He used Psalm 22 as an example. Here the Psalmist is crying out, asking God for help, realizing that he has been doing things on his own. God has promised to walk with me, and even carry my burdens. Its time I let him. Of course I have the responsibility to complete the tasks, and get everything done. but I can do it without my strength. I can do it with His. that's just beautiful. thanks Lord.
cm
Monday, November 9, 2009
The Adventure Called Life Day 043
so im super stoked. Im sending an "audition tape" to a local rock worship band. they're looking for either a female or male vocalist. If they go with a female vocalist, then they want a Paramore/flyleaf sound. I'm a little nervous. Hayley Williams is one of my favorite vocalists of all time.
well, I think im going to try covering We Are Broken and Misery Business or Decode. That one really shows off my range. Yes, We Are Broken and Decode it is...now I just need to finish my score analysis assignment.
to the library!
cm
well, I think im going to try covering We Are Broken and Misery Business or Decode. That one really shows off my range. Yes, We Are Broken and Decode it is...now I just need to finish my score analysis assignment.
to the library!
cm
Sunday, November 8, 2009
The Adventure Called Life Day 042
so this morning at River Tree was a blast. First off, I got to lead a song :) yay, and I also was able to persuade Mitch to keep the key for Here in Your Presence, I just like the harmony better for the key of D than if we would have lowered it to C.
im working on my score study assignment for conducting. Eric helped me a ton! He's amazing. He came over, just to hang out and I shoved my theory woes at him, and he fixed them! so amazing...I want to do something to thank him, but I know that might be taken the wrong way. I know that Heather and I are both struggling with being single. Its hard. Especially when I feel like I could love someone so deeply. I have been told I am not mysterious. That I wear my heart on my sleeve. I need to STOP that. So here's a moment where I am saying, NO MORE. i no longer will share my heart with anyone who will listen. I am now going to be asked...
I do, however fear, never being asked to share my heart. For so long, I have been left alone, not asked to do anything, left out, unthought of by my group of friends...I guess I've just over compensated with sharing my heart to whoever will listen. I guess I have lost the mystery factor. great. how do I get it back?
Lord,
I ask that you guard my heart. Help me to not wear my heart on my sleeve. God give me back the mystery, making others search out you to find me. When someone doesn't understand why I am so joyful, point them to you. Help them to see my strength, happiness, and joy all comes from you and you alone. I love you. thank you for another beautiful day.
in Jesus' Name,
amen
cm
im working on my score study assignment for conducting. Eric helped me a ton! He's amazing. He came over, just to hang out and I shoved my theory woes at him, and he fixed them! so amazing...I want to do something to thank him, but I know that might be taken the wrong way. I know that Heather and I are both struggling with being single. Its hard. Especially when I feel like I could love someone so deeply. I have been told I am not mysterious. That I wear my heart on my sleeve. I need to STOP that. So here's a moment where I am saying, NO MORE. i no longer will share my heart with anyone who will listen. I am now going to be asked...
I do, however fear, never being asked to share my heart. For so long, I have been left alone, not asked to do anything, left out, unthought of by my group of friends...I guess I've just over compensated with sharing my heart to whoever will listen. I guess I have lost the mystery factor. great. how do I get it back?
Lord,
I ask that you guard my heart. Help me to not wear my heart on my sleeve. God give me back the mystery, making others search out you to find me. When someone doesn't understand why I am so joyful, point them to you. Help them to see my strength, happiness, and joy all comes from you and you alone. I love you. thank you for another beautiful day.
in Jesus' Name,
amen
cm
Saturday, November 7, 2009
The Adventure Called Life Day 041
happy saturday. and a happy saturday it has been :)
Mitch, Heath and I visited Holy Ascension Orthodox church. It was a very interesting experience. The priest/pastor gave us a little tour afterwards. I was a little anxious to see if he would let us see the altar, but alas, even though I know we all wanted to see it, he did not show it to us. I'm sure its considered to be a "Holy of Holies" of sorts...anyway....
I am super excited for tonight! 8o's skate night! YEAH! Eric and I are going...I think Michelle and Susanna are also going to be there! I hope Kimmee is going too. This is going to be so much fun!
okay...correction. I am not going to 80's skate night. well. that. just. sucks. Heather cancelled, Eric called and cancelled, Heath and Mitch refused to go, and I AM NOT GOING ALONE. no way. oh well.
well at least I'll get enough sleep, and I will be able to finish this article. yay. okay well, now that i've found the bright side, its time to get back to work. thanks for the break. yay day 41.
cm
Mitch, Heath and I visited Holy Ascension Orthodox church. It was a very interesting experience. The priest/pastor gave us a little tour afterwards. I was a little anxious to see if he would let us see the altar, but alas, even though I know we all wanted to see it, he did not show it to us. I'm sure its considered to be a "Holy of Holies" of sorts...anyway....
I am super excited for tonight! 8o's skate night! YEAH! Eric and I are going...I think Michelle and Susanna are also going to be there! I hope Kimmee is going too. This is going to be so much fun!
okay...correction. I am not going to 80's skate night. well. that. just. sucks. Heather cancelled, Eric called and cancelled, Heath and Mitch refused to go, and I AM NOT GOING ALONE. no way. oh well.
well at least I'll get enough sleep, and I will be able to finish this article. yay. okay well, now that i've found the bright side, its time to get back to work. thanks for the break. yay day 41.
cm
Friday, November 6, 2009
The Adventure Called Life Day 040
today I got to talk to my best friend. Gordon Wright is currently in Texas at an Honor Academy. He is getting college credits, but growing and serving in the Lord! It is so exciting to hear all the stuff that has been happening in his life. I did feel as if our friendship might have ended, or at least changed a lot. I know that we have changed, but it seems we are both willing to work maintain our friendship. that is very exciting.
so i've been thinking a lot about what Ron keeps pushing about relationships. how there isn't that ONE PERSON we all dream about. WE are that one person. We are supposed to work and strive to be the person God has created us to be. otherwise, how can we expect our spouse to do the same? It seems I've been looking for love in all the wrong places (great song by the way) so I need to cool it, chill out and start working to be the woman I am meant to be. I can at least be proactive about that. this is exciting.
cm
so i've been thinking a lot about what Ron keeps pushing about relationships. how there isn't that ONE PERSON we all dream about. WE are that one person. We are supposed to work and strive to be the person God has created us to be. otherwise, how can we expect our spouse to do the same? It seems I've been looking for love in all the wrong places (great song by the way) so I need to cool it, chill out and start working to be the woman I am meant to be. I can at least be proactive about that. this is exciting.
cm
Thursday, November 5, 2009
The Adventure Called Life Day 039
happy thursday!
im listening to MUSE and can't think of anything that might be wrong with the world right now...LOL...
i just finished another web article for The Pulse. I have a love/hate relationship with it right now. I love to write, but I think that sometimes I would like to just "poof" and the interview, thinking, and writing is DONE.
oh well. and the beat goes on.
so tonight is TAKE HOME CHEF, the RA's and Carey, our RD are here to make Quesadillas for us! YAY! then I have a mtg with John G for music for PSW tomorrow. I think I might ask him to play electric guitar, I know he likes to, and he rarely gets to do it. Maybe I'll ask Emily to do powerpoint? hmmm...just a thought
then Im going to a V for Vendetta party at Callie Cothern's room. that should be fun :) i think Eric is going, Mitch and Phil will probably be there too....well that should be interesting.
now its time to eat and get on with the evening. I'll be in the library later doing some Espanol homework since I'm such a great procrastinator :)
cm
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
The Adventure Called Life Day 038
today in Chapel a lady from The Hollywood Prayer Network spoke. I think I might have found a kindred spirit :) Listening to her talk with such hope, such passion for American citizens was so uplifting. I have always felt called to America.
Sometimes I think, like that it might be hopeless, and that its the most "uncool" calling EVER. When I tell people that I am called to America, they just roll their eyes and make some comment about how messed up and hopeless we are. Or how we are consumers, and that they don't want to be a part of it. Is it wrong that I'm patriotic? Is it wrong that I love America? Is it wrong that I don't wish I was in another state, or another country? Sometimes I think I might be too comfortable. That I might not be willing to go into the mission field.
This past may, I went to China on my school Cross Cultural trip. That trip helped further solidify my calling to America. Seeing Chinese Christians worshiping God in the face of severe persecution and death, I kept thinking about bringing that reverence and passion back to the American Church. My passion is for authentic worship. Worship meaning a life purposed with serving God and bringing him glory, not just the music portion of Sunday church services. The passion that Chinese Christians had and even the compassion they had for their fellow citizens was astounding.
I can see that same compassion in Karen Covell when she speaks. Karen is the director of The Hollywood Prayer Network. She said something that struck me square in the chest, "We don't boycott people who don't love Jesus in foreign missions, why do we do that to Hollywood?"
what a concept.
she also said something else that hit me, "The Power of the Media can be met by the Power of God." I loved that. It gives hope. God is ALL ABOUT hope. Why do we let ourselves dispair?
Psalm 23 comes to mind...
"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me."
I just want to hold on to hope, and keep working on being in the Mission field I find myself at SAU. I know that I can help Hollywood by praying for them. That is so exciting.
what would the world look like if instead of writing hate letters in our hearts, we whispered prayers instead?
better yet, what would it look like in my own life if I prayed, truly prayed for those in need and those who hurt me?
visit www.hollywoodprayernetwork.org to find out how you can partner with this important mission in America.
cm
Sometimes I think, like that it might be hopeless, and that its the most "uncool" calling EVER. When I tell people that I am called to America, they just roll their eyes and make some comment about how messed up and hopeless we are. Or how we are consumers, and that they don't want to be a part of it. Is it wrong that I'm patriotic? Is it wrong that I love America? Is it wrong that I don't wish I was in another state, or another country? Sometimes I think I might be too comfortable. That I might not be willing to go into the mission field.
This past may, I went to China on my school Cross Cultural trip. That trip helped further solidify my calling to America. Seeing Chinese Christians worshiping God in the face of severe persecution and death, I kept thinking about bringing that reverence and passion back to the American Church. My passion is for authentic worship. Worship meaning a life purposed with serving God and bringing him glory, not just the music portion of Sunday church services. The passion that Chinese Christians had and even the compassion they had for their fellow citizens was astounding.
I can see that same compassion in Karen Covell when she speaks. Karen is the director of The Hollywood Prayer Network. She said something that struck me square in the chest, "We don't boycott people who don't love Jesus in foreign missions, why do we do that to Hollywood?"
what a concept.
she also said something else that hit me, "The Power of the Media can be met by the Power of God." I loved that. It gives hope. God is ALL ABOUT hope. Why do we let ourselves dispair?
Psalm 23 comes to mind...
"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me."
I just want to hold on to hope, and keep working on being in the Mission field I find myself at SAU. I know that I can help Hollywood by praying for them. That is so exciting.
what would the world look like if instead of writing hate letters in our hearts, we whispered prayers instead?
better yet, what would it look like in my own life if I prayed, truly prayed for those in need and those who hurt me?
visit www.hollywoodprayernetwork.org to find out how you can partner with this important mission in America.
cm
The Adventure Called Life Day 037
tuesday, November 3rd 2009
sitting in Steeby House with Marc and Kyle...working on homework, munching on a cookie and listening to David Crowder ON VINYL.
total OLD SCHOOL win :)
oh and Marc made dinner. It was yummy :)
anyway, working on COM 102. and going to the store soon.
so i hate when I do this. try to post and get caught up with other things...I'll finish this conversattion tomorrow
cm
Monday, November 2, 2009
The Adventure Called Life Day 036
welcome to another busy week on the campus of Spring Arbor University!
I'm sitting in the library with Kimmee and Jordan, and Eric. not working on homework since I'm a professional procrastinator, and partaking of a wonderful creme de menthe mocha made by Brad Moss from Sacred Grounds. simple divine. and writing. coffee, writing and friends, three of my favorite things.
just now we were discussing "ugly christmas sweaters". I think this is a sign of great things to come. Its november 2nd and we're discussing ugly, or should I say, "unique" christmas sweaters! awesome.
anyway. I think I just spilled the beans on Eric's major change. oops! oh well. they would have found out soon enough. well i need to go shopping. for earrings. and maybe a third hole? yes. oh yes. that would be great :) enough about shopping. no. not spending extra money right now. no. just say no.
and another thing...why did i ever stop listening to Paramore? what brought that on? I have NO IDEA. but we're changing that...two words
MISERY. BUSINESS.
I definitely adore Hayley Williams. She rocks. period.
well its almost 3:40 and I have somewhere to be. choir. right. duty calls.
cm
I'm sitting in the library with Kimmee and Jordan, and Eric. not working on homework since I'm a professional procrastinator, and partaking of a wonderful creme de menthe mocha made by Brad Moss from Sacred Grounds. simple divine. and writing. coffee, writing and friends, three of my favorite things.
just now we were discussing "ugly christmas sweaters". I think this is a sign of great things to come. Its november 2nd and we're discussing ugly, or should I say, "unique" christmas sweaters! awesome.
anyway. I think I just spilled the beans on Eric's major change. oops! oh well. they would have found out soon enough. well i need to go shopping. for earrings. and maybe a third hole? yes. oh yes. that would be great :) enough about shopping. no. not spending extra money right now. no. just say no.
and another thing...why did i ever stop listening to Paramore? what brought that on? I have NO IDEA. but we're changing that...two words
MISERY. BUSINESS.
I definitely adore Hayley Williams. She rocks. period.
well its almost 3:40 and I have somewhere to be. choir. right. duty calls.
cm
The Adventure Called Life Day 035
Sunday November 1, 2009
Today I saw PARANORMAL ACTIVITY...beware of the ending. The entire movie, I was like "this isn't bad, I can handle this," then the end came and I thought I was going to be sick. I felt the same way when I saw Cloverfield. It was awful.**spoiler alert** if you haven't seen the film, do not read...
so the entire movie i thought that Micah was a JERK and that Kate needed real help, not his practical jokes. I noticed that their "relationship" bits on camera started to dwindle as the demonic activity escalated. I wonder why the filmmaker did that. I guess because it is, after all, a film not a real life portrayal. I guess when I watch film, i really take an interest in the characters, not necessarily what is happening to them. The way Micah reacted and the way he treated Kate was just plain wrong. anyway, in the end THE DEMON WINS! The last "night" on the tape is very creepy and disturbing. Kate gets out of bed at like 2am and stands and stares at Micah sleeping in the bed. Then after a few minutes the sheet on Micah is pulled off by some unseen force. Then Kate goes down stairs. After some moments of silence Kate starts screaming, like she's woken up again or something. Micah leaps out of bed and runs downstairs. Suddenly the screaming gets a whole lot worse. Then SILENCE. Then it sounds like something very big is coming up the stairs. I'm now convinced she was dragging him up the stairs. Then out of the black door way comes Micah thrown across the room at the camera. Kate comes in next, blood all down the front of her shirt. Then she kneels down at Micah and sniffs or licks him. Then she looks at the camera, and smiles this terrible, awful smile and it goes black. Then the screen informs us that Micah was found by the police, and Kate was never found. THE END. i was so ANGRY, UPSET and mostly just sick to my stomach. it was awful.
**spoiler done**
anyway, I never watch horror films, and this is really why. I can't seem to separate being scared silly with reality I guess. Especially when things like Demonic possession really happen to people...
well its time for bed. pray i don't have any nightmares.
cm
Sunday, November 1, 2009
The Adventure Called Life Day 034
blessed. that's how I feel right now. and unbelieveable peace. I am currently at home, enjoying the company of my little brother, and my parents :) I love them so very much. I am very blessed. and at peace for the first time in a long time :)
well it looks like today is going to rather uneventful, but productive. I did finish all of my homework and I am caught up with classes!
God is good. all the time, GOD IS GOOD.
cm
well it looks like today is going to rather uneventful, but productive. I did finish all of my homework and I am caught up with classes!
God is good. all the time, GOD IS GOOD.
cm
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