Sunday, January 31, 2010

The Adventure Called Life Day 126...weekend's end...

Sunday. what a glorious day.

we finished camp at Somerset today. I didn't know what I expected to happen at camp, but I am pleasantly surprised and just so thankful from my teammates. They are amazing. I am glad to be back on campus, but I am sad to not be with my team anymore. We work so well together! Its amazing! I am so thankful for all of them. As some of you know, I struggled last summer a little bit, and I don't expect this summer to be a walk in the park either, but that's just it, I'm choosing to have no expectations. I am not going to expect people to act a certain way, or respond this way or that. I know that I am a servant of a servant. that I have no rights, and that I have no right to expect anything from anyone. I am responsible for myself, and how I react to what happens. i am not to judge anyone or make assumptions.

God has been chipping away at my critical heart for a couple of years now. I am better at not criticizing others, but I still struggle deeply with self criticism. I know that everyone is hard on themselves, but I am terrible to myself. I demand perfection from myself. always. no exceptions. If I can't do it perfect, I don't do it at all.

That's another thing that I need accountability on. I need to realize and come to terms with my imperfections. I need to remember that when I am weak, because of Christ, then I am strong!


The Adventure Called Life Day 125...oh happy day...

Saturday,  January 30, 2009 
oh happy day! happy day!
you washed my sin away
oh happy day! happy day!
i'll never be the same
forever im changed

this is the song that I get the privilege to lead. so. much. fun :)

This weekend has been such a blessing so far. Tonight, we had an extended response time for the kids. Dozens of kids came down to pray with their leaders, and we stayed up and played. Jacob lead, and he sang a couple of songs that I didn't know very well, but it didn't matter. We meshed, and let the spirit lead us. Such a blessing! Lord, you are good. Let me never forget that. ever.

I am in awe of what God is doing in each person on our team. He is so alive in us, and I am just so thankful that my team is open to the spirit. Its so vital to effective ministry, spirit filled ministry is the best :)

well I'm tired, and its time for sleep. God is so good!!


Friday, January 29, 2010

The Adventure Called Life Day 124...weekend retreat...

so its finally here, my Well Spring team is hitting the road and going to Somerset Beach Campground for the weekend! and its only the second day of classes for second semester :) I only have one more class today, its Spanish 2. 

and i think i'll have to stop at Sacred Grounds before my next class. I need a little caffiene to ensure i don't fall asleep before its time tonight. I think I'm almost all packed, so i can just come back from class, eat a sandwich, take a nap, get a quick shower and run out the door to meet up with the team.

I am super pumped for this retreat. I've been praying that God will show up and move in a might way in these kids' hearts and lives. I'm excited to get to know my teammates better, but also to get to know the kids and serve them!!

grant us your protection as we travel, and keep up all healthy and warm this weekend. We are going to Somerset to meet with you, and to serve your purpose of bringing your Kingdom to Earth. We love you. We adore you, we exalt you and praise you for this opportunity and the talents and gifts you have given us!! 
In Jesus' name,


Thursday, January 28, 2010

The Adventure Called Life Day 123...let the headaches begin...

so either i didn't drink enough water today, or i am just in over my head, because its the first day of the semester and I already have a headache. no good.

well, im singing in the music lab next friday :) oh joy...and its the one were EVERYONE will be there too...just great! anyway, my Well Spring team is traveling to Somerset this weekend. super excited for that. We are going to be playing FOUR SETS!! yikes! four, that's a lot for our first time out in just three short days! but we can do it, or should I say, that God can do it, through us, if we allow.

i think i just need to relax, i was very stressed due to new music today for choir and chambers. that could be the entire cause of this headache. i hope thats all it is :)


Wednesday, January 27, 2010

The Adventure Called Life Day 122...ready, set, go!

second semester starts tomorrow. ugh. im not ready! I want to be busy again, but I don't want to be overwhelmed. I know that I am going to be. I have so many classes. im crazy.

and i have something to confess.

I haven't been dancing. I don't know why, I've been pushing that part away from my thoughts, I don't know if i want to know why. So if you could keep me accountable. ask me how I am doing in this area, if i've danced, or if i've figured out why God has taken this desire away from me.
thank you


Tuesday, January 26, 2010

The Adventure Called Life Day 121...Resisdent Assistant...

I want to become a Resident Assistant on campus. I want to give back in this way, by being an RA for a village or apartment. I really wouldn't mind being in Lowell either. I just remember how awesome it was to have a senior hardworking RA my freshman year, and I would like to do that as well. I am taking the leadership class, and crossing my fingers and asking for prayers about this.

anyway, today we finished up J-term! WOOT! WOOT! I took CPS 150, and man am I glad that its over with. I did enjoy class, but the material really stunk...I made some new friends, Paul Reif and Jeremiah Rupp. Also, Nora Griffin, whom I met this summer was also in my class. So it was fun.

Paul offered to help me re-string my guitar. That was super generous of him. Then he played, and we sang. Goodness he has an amazing voice! He also has an amazing heart. I can't wait to get to know him better :)

well there's laundry to be folded, dishes to be finished and im watching State Fair.


Monday, January 25, 2010

The Adventure Called Life Day 120...second semester prep...

J-term 2010 is almost done. I'm sitting in CPS 150, listening to the LAST lecture, I hope, of the term. We are reviewing software. *sigh*

NASCAR starts next weekend!!! AH! the Budweiser shootout is next saturday (feb 6) super super super stoked for that!!! then the 500 is on Valentine's Day. Such an awesome way to spend "singles awareness" day :)

anyway, I'm headed to the library later after some winding down and dinner. I can't wait to be done with this class. I'm just not that into technology and programs like this is all...i am excited for my movie :) it will be super fun to present. I'll tell you about it tomorrow. till then


Sunday, January 24, 2010

The Adventure Called Life Day love...

is it wrong to be in love with life?

I don't know exactly how to describe it. I feel like I am in love with life. I enjoy the simple things, like puffy white clouds, deep blue skies, sunshine, driving, hanging out with my parents and my younger brother. I enjoy coffee black, tea unsweetened, and unseasoned meat. Some would say, I'm my father's daughter. But then you could also argue I'm my Mom's little girl. Both of my parents enjoy simplicity. 

today after i arrived back home from church with Hannah, Scott and Mitch, i was sitting in the living room. and I just had a daydream off...

im driving, and i'm looking out the window, upwards at the sky, its full of white puffy clouds and the sky is deep blue. 
we're on our way to the race track, its saturday. I'm driving, and my mother is in the passenger seat. And this feeling of deep contentment washes over me. I really don't know how to describe the joy, the happiness that I feel when i am with my family. Knowing that you belong, that they love you no matter what you do, is probably biggest blessing I have ever been given. 

so yes, i am in love with life. Is this wrong? I've often felt like it is. I am told by God to love and serve him, to not have any other God's before him. I would say that I struggle with this as anyone does...but because I am in love with life, does that mean I am not also in love with my Savior? 

I want to say no, it does not. That, yes, I am in fact in love with Jesus Christ, because I love life. The reasons why I love life, exude Christ-like qualities. My "interests" on facebook are; authenticity, prayer, worship, listening, people watching, God's voice, learning from other people, listening to other people, serving, kids...All things that Jesus merits. So the reasons why I love life, do not make Jesus smaller in my life, I would like to think that the things I love in life make him bigger.

I love NASCAR. deal with it. Jesus loves NASCAR too. true story. He loves the Community and he loves the family. I'm sure of it. There is something about the way they take care of each other, of course there is business, but the families are all involved, and they genuinely care for one another. Its wonderful. The same thing happens at the local short tracks. The staff become like a family, they racers have a certain air of respect and camaraderie. 

I do not like feeling like I need to "justify" my love for certain things. I always feel like I'm justifying my "weirdness" or my "oddity". Its rather odd in itself...LOL. I meet again with Ron tomorrow. that should be interesting. I like talking with him, I just wish that someone my own age would take an interest in me. I guess its a lot of work. Its just that desire within myself to "be okay." So.

You are enough. I am stripping away the part of me that doesn't believe that and letting you take it. I love you. I desire to do your will. Lord, allow me to serve you without expecting ANYTHING. I pray for River Tree, and I lift up Andy and Janelle to you. They need your provision and guidance right now. You are God. We are not. We are depending on you for everything. You are faithful. Thank you.
In Jesus' name,


Saturday, January 23, 2010

The Adventure Called Life Day 118...stories...

culture shock. experiencing culture shock is rare on Spring Arbor University's Campus. But today, sitting in Lowell Lobby with Nora Griffin, whom I met this summer during our stay in Canada at Maple Grove Family Camp for Well Spring. We were working on our project for CPS 150 and she brought out these "turtles". Of course I know what "Turtles" are, but for some reason, the packaging, and the candy was just screaming FOREIGN to me. It was a split second reaction, and I felt culture shock. it was hilarious. 

Drumline today was epic. there's no other way to describe it. i loved it. EPIC. well, after getting to practice late, we ran through some stuff, then reconvened at 2:30. After loading up Chad's truck with our stuff, we we're off. Then SOMEONE forgot the Gong mallet. That's right, Spring Arbor University COUGAR Drumline has a GONG. we're just cool like that :) anyway, that SOMEONE just happened to be ME. So off I went running back to the band room for a mallet. I think its a record. Field house, to band room, grab mallet and back in SIX minutes. I sure hope it is, I was tired after it...LOL...

Then after the game, we loaded up the truck again. Kyle, Shannon and I rode back to the band room in the truck. Kyle commented on how the Men's games are so much faster and better than the Women's games. I think the Women are good, but they have struggled a bit when we have been there...anyway, He proposed we give them testosterone. LOL. Then he said in his "girl voice" something like, "Well, we won the game, but we got in like four fights, I just don't get it..." SO. FUNNY. I know we were sort of making fun of them, but I think it would actually be quite hilarious if they were to go on testosterone. LOL :)

tonight I had a little "alone time" which is good. very good. I cleaned up the kitchen, made dinner, then sat down to watch Beauty and the Beast. LOVE that movie. I'm such a girl. Then I watched Beauty and the Beast - An Enchanted Christmas. A - MAZING!!

So much to discover
I do it all the time
I could live inside right pages
Where the words all rhyme

We will slay the dragons
I'll still follow him around
And he'll smile
Yes, he'll smile
As his dreams leave the ground!

Stories and stories
About mermaids, kings and sunken treasure
Magic worlds where the impossible
Becomes the everyday
I know a tiny place
Just a dot,
Too small to measure
I'll lead him there, I know the way!

this is my favorite song right now. I am so this. SO this. I love God, and the way he can even work through DISNEY movies! so awesome :)


Friday, January 22, 2010

The Adventure Called Life Day 117...writing...

I'm siting in Lara's Coffee House, in Spring Arbor University. I'm surrounded by fellow SAU students, and sipping on a Caramel Macchiato. mmmmMMMMmmmm. I love this place.

I've am so blessed  to be at Spring Arbor University, What a privilege! I been taking advantage of it, I've been taking it for granted. I've been such a fool. I've been chasing boys, chasing fame. I've been sort of running after God. Sort of.

J-term has been really good. I've been able to ease back into the routine of living on my own and classes. I haven't been doing a good job at getting homework done, but I have been getting good grades and all that stuff. I have also managed to get the courage up to start a prayer group for our ministry at River Tree Community Church. A lot of things have been happening at River Tree. Andy, the lead pastor, is now the chaplain of the YMCA where we meet. His wife is also pregnant with their third child! And to top it off, he's cutting back on hours. So they are completely depending on God right now. As it should be.

I've been thinking about this a lot. Completely dependent upon God. WOW. to really live that way would be amazing. To be honest, I really shouldn't want it to be any other way. Life would be, and is an adventure. I will continue to strive live this way. I will continue to pray that God would make me more and more dependent upon Him each day.

so the title of this random post is WRITING. and that is one of my passions. its a hobby. Its a way for me to express myself, let off steam. Music is different. Music is something that lets me BREATHE. It allows me to physically LIVE. I don't know how else to describe it, but singing, im not talking in the shower singing, real vocalization, is so sweet. It is breath and life itself sometimes to me. I know it sounds weird, it sounds creepy, and its sounds weird. But its me. Its who I am. When people ask me who I am, I reply that I am a vocalist. Then comes the writing and the dancing. But primarily who am I? a SINGING CHILD OF GOD. if I could sing my words, rather than just speak them? OH YES. ever wish you're life was a musical? I do. All the time. I constantly am thinking of songs that would go along with what is going on at that moment.

I often wonder if I miss out on life because I'm so absorbed in music, and its story. I also love film, and the stories that come from that. I often wonder if I miss the story of my own life...I'm also consumed with what the Bible stories are, or what the movies stories are, or what the story behind the song is...I just wonder if I'm missing the story in my life right now...well. probably. to be honest, yes. I am. not all the time, but once in a while, I miss it. As much as I love story, I miss my own life's story. Now that is just sad. I'll work on that. Right now.

so story. tell a story of what happened, what crossed my path today. Hmmm...

I'll have to get back to you on that. I'm going skating for Tuques tonight, so there should be a story somewhere...


Thursday, January 21, 2010

The Adventure Called Life Day 116...patience...

we sang a song this summer called "patience"

have patience have patience
don't be in such a hurry
have patience have patience
you'll only start to worry
remember remember
that God has patience too
so just think of all the times that
others had to wait on you

I am struggling with patience right now. I want things to MOVE, faster would be nice. I would like to be further along in many areas of my life right now than I currently am. Its annoying. I know that I am to be content in where I am at, and enjoy every moment. So that is my prayer. Patience.

grant me patience. I want to enjoy the moments, the little things in life. Help me not to get a head of you and what you are doing here and now. The future is important, but I am not promised tomorrow. Let me never live that way. Let me never take today for granted because I'm looking forward to tomorrow. You alone are worthy of all the praise, the glory, the honor. I love you. You alone are GOD. Lord, I also lift up Haiti. I pray that those that are lost will be found, that you will give wisdom to the doctors and people rescuing others. Lord, let your spirit fall upon Haiti today. Show yourself mighty in the midst of this storm. Thank you.
in Jesus' Name,



if you know me at all, family is my first love, right after Christ, of course.

I just finished watching the last half of the movie "Parenthood" with Steve Martin. such a funny flick. I don't know if you've seen it or not, but regardless, I know that you've seen it in real life. All of our families are quirky, dysfunctional and messy.

I am blessed with a close knit family. My parents are still happily married, 21 years of wedded bliss this coming February. My Grandparents are still together, and the Aunt and Uncle that I am closest too are still together as well. I am blessed with many examples of working relationships in my life.

and someday, in the next ten years, I would like to have that. Is it odd that I want the mess, the chaos, the constant running? I want the kids, I want a "little man". My goodness. I was watching The Bachelor, and a woman on this show named Ella has a little boy. and she called him her "little man" and my heart clenched. I WANT THAT. I don't know if i'll get that, but oh how I desire that someday.

so I guess this post is just in response to my desire to have a family one day. I know that scares some men. I'm not quite sure why. I want to GIVE not get in a marriage relationship. Of course security is nice, but I want to be secure in who I am in Christ, not defined by who my husband is. I long for a partner, not someone that is going to become "my life". I have yet to completely define what this really means, and why I truly desire this type of relationship.

I guess my biggest fear is ending up alone. I don't want to not have a "little man" in my life someday. How amazing would it be to have kids. Extremely scary and completely out of my comfort zone, but worth it? Oh yes. I've seen what a couple can go through, like my parents, all the health and financial issues anyone could imagine, and yet they still are together, love each other deeply and I know that they are committed to our family. They support me in all my endeavors and are there emotionally as well. My Mom is my best friend. I know its lame, or cheesy, but I'm completely okay with that. I love my mother. She's the sweetest, most selfless woman I know. I want to be just like her when i grow up :)

so here's to family, love and life. Thank you God for all the blessings in my life. Allow me to share them and not keep them to myself. Show me your purpose here at this time in my  life. Help me to live in it. Thank you. I love you.
In Jesus' name


Wednesday, January 20, 2010

The Adventure Called Life Day 115...purple lace...

what is it about lace that makes me feel so utterly feminine? I stopped by Hot Topic after my little outing to Wal*Mart and stumbled upon these really cute lace gloves and of course they're purple. So what is it? I don't know, but it inspired me to paint my nails, and even wait the extra time to put a clear coat on before heading out to the library.

too much homework. too little time. I've got an exam tomorrow. I just wanted to say that I love purple lace gloves :)


Tuesday, January 19, 2010

The Adventure Called Life Day 114...creative living...

So back to school. Not my favorite thing in the world, but eh, we endure. So back to class I went today, I got up late, and started Marc's scarf. so excited to finish it for him. I know he wants one :)

well today was good. im pretty worn out and i really didn't do anything. great. well homework is next, and then dinner with Heather, then NCIS. we have television at the house now, just the local stuff, but welcome back tv!

time to go get dinner started. but i just wanted to say that im making nice progress on my fan fiction, and i have an idea for another called "Sway" a little one shot off of Michael Buble's song....

here's to creative living...


Monday, January 18, 2010

The Adventure Called Life Day 113...deep living...

I met with Ron again this morning. He analyzed my results of my temperament test. I scored all of my points above the middle line. Ron found my results to be very interesting, considering not many people do that. I am in the high 90th percentile for sympathy, social interaction, and self expression. which basically means I care about people, and i want people to care about me.

Ron also said that what the graph tells him is that I live deeply, that i feel everything in life. awesome. so life hurts more, but also, I experience JOY abundantly and deeply. that's cool. very cool.

also,  tonight i meant with with my wellspring team! YAY! it was lots of fun. we jammed. Jacob is leading the band, and Jake is final say. I like that dynamic a lot. plus our team is very talented, and fun, fun, fun :)

now im watching the bachelor with the girls. so funny.


Sunday, January 17, 2010

The Adventure Called Life Day 112...untouchable...

silence or untouchable (not sure which title yet)
by carolyn marie
you’re untouchable
you’re unreachable
i can’t see you
but i can feel your heart

what can i do 
against your walls of silence
i can’t come in
when there’s no window
to let the light in

i stand here
powerless in the face of your pain
you can’t open the door
there’s no key out here
but a lock on the inside
a lock on the inside

you’re untouchable
you’re unreachable
i can’t see you
but i can feel your heart

something tells me
it doesn’t have to be this way
it doesn’t have to hurt this bad

what can i do
against your walls of silence
i can’t come in
when there’s no window
to let the light shine in

i can't see you
but i can feel your heart
you're unreachable
oh you're untouchable...

just a little ditty i wrote after watching Lady Gaga's video for Speechless. I love this video. Please click the link below and watch it, I promise you won't be disappointed! this is my favorite performance of 2009 :) enjoy!

some men may follow me, but you choose death and company...why you so speechless? oh, oh, oh~


Saturday, January 16, 2010

The Adventure Called Life Day 111...make a wish...

have you ever had someone look at the clock, and see it was 1:11 and say, "make a wish" well, that's what popped into my head when i typed "Day 111" in the title of this entry. weird. I am not one for wishes and fairy tales. I do dream, but usually in "real world" terms as my mother so candidly puts it.

what makes us dream? What makes us wish upon a star with all our hearts? I've often wondered it this is just another facet of bearing the image of God. Does God dream? Does God "wish" for things, some would say no, He's God. He doesn't need to dream. Well, okay, but what about when he looks at us, and sees what we can become? Is that dreaming? Is that a wish? Granted, he's God, he knows what the outcome will be, but could it be? I'm not sure. I'd like to think that God dreams, I wonder if he dreamed the world before he created it? Did he imagine what to create, I wonder if he imagined us with more limbs that just two legs and two arms? I wonder if the water was green until he decided he liked blue better for the color of the sky.

This might seem childish, but I don't agree. I love things like this. I love moments where I am reminded to be a child when I look at God. God wants us all to have childlike faith. I also believe he desires for us to dream, and imagine, to create. and I also know that he desires us to SHARE these dreams and imagination adventures with Him. He's jealous, he wants to be the first one to know. He wants to be the first one we tell about our new vision or idea. He loves us. oh how he loves us.

so DREAM. IMAGINE. CREATE. BE YOURSELF. God loves you just as you are. and wishes are meant to lift us up, to bring hope. so make a wish. after all, its Day 111 :)


Friday, January 15, 2010

The Adventure Called Life Day 110...everybody's workin' for the weekend...

happy friday everyone! the weekend is here! and its a three day weekend at that! YAY!

well I have a hot date...with the laundry room, ah, at least it smells nice. I have lots to get done tonight, I just wanted to quickly post something that God has been showing me today...

today at 3:30 Mitch, Hannah and I all met in the Lowell Prayer Chapel to pray for River Tree and our campus. I am so excited about this. I LOVE things like this. I'm excited to see where God takes us in this, and how he answers our prayers. God has been faithful. I got up the courage to get this meeting in order, and it worked! And God showed up. I know he did. Mitch was exhausted though. I felt bad. I can't really do anything to help him, except to pray... I don't have any brownies or anything to bake in the house. I guess I could make Heather's cup cakes and bring him two of them. I'm sure she wouldn't mind. maybe I'll do that...we'll see...

well, time to make dinner, and then switch over my laundry so I can have clean clothes. Drumline tomorrow bright and early at 11am, I'm singing the national anthem for both basketball games on saturday. wish me luck. until next time


Thursday, January 14, 2010

The Adventure Called Life Day

Last night at Deeper, our chaplain Ron Kopicko, challenged us with the reality of a Revival, and what it truly means. Revival isn't all fire and brimstone, its a party, its a celebration of love and redemption, acceptance and grace.

He told a wonderful story about Tony Campolo. Tony was speaking in Honolulu, and he's from Boston, so his internal-clock was a little off. So up at 3am, he wandered down the street from his hotel to find a bite to eat. He found this sleazy, dirty diner and went in. He tried to read a menu, but it was covered in grease and food. Then he heard a shout from the back, "What can I getcha?" It was the cook. His name is Harry, his a big, burly fella. So Tony says, "a coffee and a donut." Then eight prostitutes walk in the door.
So there Tony sits, in this sleazy, dirty diner, sipping coffee and eating a donut, with eight prostitutes and the cook named Harry. He is sitting at the service bar. The girls all sit up at the bar as well. Sitting next to him is a woman named Agnes. She is 39. Suddenly she says to her friend, "Tomorrow is my birthday." Her friend says back, "So, what? do you want a party?" Agnes looks at the counter, "I've never had a birthday party." The friend doesn't say anything else, but the girls keep chatting. Then they leave a little while later. Tony says to the cook, "Harry, tomorrow is Agnes' birthday. Let's throw her a party." Harry stares back at him and then says, "That's a great idea!" So he calls his wife and says, "Honey, there's a man here that wants to throw Agnes a birthday party tomorrow."

So the next day, Tony returns to the diner at 2:30am in preparation for the party. By now, word has gotten out that there is going to be a party for Agnes' birthday at the diner at 3:30am. The diner is full of prostitutes and other street folk. Then it hits 3:30 and in walks Agnes and her friends. The people in the diner burst out with, "Surprise! Happy Birthday Agnes!" Then they begin to sing Happy Birthday. Harry brings out the birthday cake for Agnes. There are candles lit on top. She has almost fainted and tears are streaming down her cheeks, so some people are helping her to sit. Harry places the cake in front of her, and says, "Agnes, blow out the candles," and she only cries harder. Harry again prompts, "Agnes! blow out the candles." So someone helps her and blows the candles out. Then Harry says, "Cut the cake Agnes," She shakes her head, "I can't, I've never had a birthday cake before." Someone says to Agnes that Tony is the one who put the party into motion. She thanks him for the cake, "Can I take it home? I want to show my mother. I only live two blocks away." So Agnes picks up the cake and leaves the diner.

An awkward silence fills the diner and Tony does what any good preacher would do, he says, "Let's pray."
So he prays, and then Harry says to him, "I didn't know you were a Preacher! What church kind of church do you preach at?" Tony say, "The kind of church that throws birthday parties for whores at 3 am in a diner in honolulu." Harry says, "No you don't. If there was such a church I would go there."

I love those last two lines. To think that people would be willing to come to church if we would only truly follow Christ and accept people rather than condemn them. I'm not saying to brush their sin aside, but I'm saying that if we love them as Christ loves them then we allow God to do the rest. Sometimes I think we need to trust in the power and conviction of the Holy Spirit, rather than relying on our own words, messages, strength, songs, dramas to bring people to their knees.

So this community that we live in at SAU is extremely blessed and amazing. Where else do you live, eat, do life together in a true community such as this? We all even gather together for worship (chapel) twice a week, and seek God together. That's amazing. So let's not take it for granted. What would it look like if you loved those around you instead of judging them and refusing to open your arms to them? What's wrong with hanging out and spending time in God's word together instead of video games? What's wrong with talking about what God is doing in your life instead of the cool thing you did this weekend? What if we challenged each other to a deeper walk with Christ, held on another accountable, and went into this community thing armed with love instead of apathy and hate? I think it would make God smile, and shout and sing for JOY. a revial. yes.

Lord, COME. Come and invade this place, start with me, empty me of myself, and fill me with you, your love, your joy, your grace. Help me to see others as  you do. Lord, you are so good, worthy of all the praise and glory, forever and ever. AMEN.


Wednesday, January 13, 2010

letting go...

most of you know that the following song "Coming Alive" by Phil Wickham has become an obession of mine. Its an anthem of sorts that has poured into my soul and out of my heart:

I see a banner of love
lifted over our heads
its waving in the sky
and its stained in red

from the far away hills
comes a voice in the night
its ringing in our hearts
like a battle cry

now we're Coming Alive
coming alive
open your heart
take what's inside
and let it go...

Its time. I've done this repeatedly, but lately I've been neglecting this simple, but needed everyday surrender. Taking what's inside my heart, and LETTING IT GO. This act allows God's love, mercy, grace, and peace to flood my heart and mind. By spending time in His word, and listening to him speak, I am filling my heart with God rather than my own selfishness and desires.

I firmly believe that some desires God can use, like my desire and delight in singing. Also my passion for storytelling and prayer can be used by God, but I still have to LET IT GO. I still have to be willing to be surrendered, empty of myself and open to what he's doing.

I just read a friend's Facebook status of, "Waiting for something beautiful." and it struck me. I want that. I want to wait upon the Lord, be patient, and wait for something beautiful. Isaiah 40:31 says, "Yet those who wait for the LORDwill gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary."So we're waiting. Seeking God's face. letting go. waiting for something beautiful.


The Adventure Called Life Day 108...change...

so getting a hair cut for most people might not be a big deal. But for me, it is. I have had long hair since the fifth grade. TEN YEARS. That was the last time I had my hair cut short! AH! and now I want a change. I love my hair, its very beautiful long, but I'm just tired of the same old same old look. So HERE WE GO.


that's something that seems to just point and laugh at me. If you haven't guessed already, I like consistency. I like balance and PEACE. Change seems to always tear me a part and eventually I get put back together, I just don't like the process before that. But change is necessary. Change is vital to my walk with God and my servanthood to Jesus Christ. I have not rights, no expectations that I will be understood, EVER.


I'm going to choose to embrace it, welcome it for right now. It will eventually grow back, and for a CHANGE, I can have a little different hair cut. Big whoop. really now...


Tuesday, January 12, 2010

The Adventure Called Life Day 107...who's your peter pan?

I just watched the last ten minutes of Peter Pan (2005) when I arrived back from class. I was just reminded of the peter pan in my own life.

His name is Gordon Wright. I met him at Royal Family Kids' Camp the spring of my senior year of high school. He is my best friend. He is actually a year behind me in school, and is at the Teen Mania Honor Academy in Garden Valley Texas. So I barely see him, but I do talk to him on occasion. Royal Family Kids' Camp is a free week of camp for abused and neglected children in the foster care system. We were on the drama team together both summers that I was there at camp. I still help my Grandmother with getting clothes together for the Sunshine shop, and I'm on the prayer team list. So I'm still connected, but because of Wellspring, I'm not there AT camp :( But anyway, we were construction workers. so. much. fun.

I was a prissy construction worker, pink gloves, rhinestones, and compact in hand. I was always leaving for hair appointments, and complaining of the "icky" callouses and dirt. LOL. Totally not me. but oh so much fun to play.

well, back to why Gordon is my peter pan. He is the person that rekindled that "childlike" part of my soul. He basically made it okay for me to be like a kid again, and be true to myself, all the way through to what I was projecting out to the world. Being Authentic. That's what really sparked this whole journey inside of me. It made me not take light heartedness or childlike faith for granted. It made me long for it, desire it and ultimately seek to obtain it.

I guess this post is just to commemorate that, and to say THANK YOU. to him. He's amazing, and I am so blessed to call him a friend. Thanks Gordon for being faithful, and accepting me, for me!


Monday, January 11, 2010


So Ron asked me today, how do you see yourself? a girl or a woman?

and I thought about it for a minute. um. a young woman? is that an option?

I am definitely not a girl anymore. I have been through too much, handle things that no girl should ever have to think about. I am mature in the way that I am responsible for myself, and I am also responsible for my own personal spiritual growth.

Then he asked how have I changed during this transition from girl to young woman?

I am thinking that this desire to have a relationship, a real, meaningful relationship with a man is a result of this transition. I didn't have the deep desire for connection at this time last year. what happened? what sparked inside of me to make me feel this way. ugh. I don't know. but I figured writing it down would be a good idea. well im tired. emotionally drained. and just upset. pray for peace and patience. thank you.


the desire for adventure...

I just finished watching 500 days of summer. and now I want to cry. Why is it that we have this expectation that we'll meet that special someone, and then BAM! it will be fate.

I guess I just don't like the idea that to the men in my life right now, i'm not good enough, that I'm not an "adventure" so to speak, when I feel like they never took the chance to really get to know me. For years, I've been told that I "demand" standards from people. I've never posted these "standards" anywhere, so I don't know how people get a hold of them. I just have this standard that they know Jesus, and they are serving him to the best of their ability. Its something I expect out of myself everyday. I also expect quality rather than quantity. I like to see people put effort into the things they do, rather than just doing more in a short length of time. I do know that the Bible talks about this, so I feel a little justified in this feeling. I guess I also demand a respect, an expectation that we can mutually commune as human beings, no matter what our view points, or our desires or our beliefs. I believe that all people are objects of God's desire.

maybe I'm being too emotional, too critical, but right now, most of me doesn't care. I'm struggling with the whole "life isn't fair" concept at the moment. I just want to be told I'm okay. I know I'm okay, but its different when it comes from another  human being. There's this bond that happens, this moment of community that is embodied in that instance.

patience. I still have no patience when it comes to waiting for "Mr. Right" to come waltzing into my life and ask me out on a date. The waiting is KILLING ME. am I that uninteresting? am I that ugly? am I that weird that no man on campus is willing to take me out on a date? or just HANG OUT here? Oi. I'm such a proactive person, that I have literally had to bite my tongue to stop myself from asking men on dates. Its awful! I love to entertain and have people over to the house, but it rarely works out. I don't like to call people just randomly. But maybe I have to learn to do that. I do not have texting and it SUCKS. I feel completely out of the loop, and I fear rejection. I fear that this small tiny light of hope that I cling to is going to be blown out and never re-lit. ugh. I AM pathetic. great, just great. I'm sure this post is probably really entertaining to read, watching me talk myself in circles. LOL...

well, thats about it. I could keep going, but its pretty much just the same stuff. I just feel uninteresting, and boring. I long to be pursued, to be sought after. that would be nice :)

but remember that love is the absence of expectations...


The Adventure Called LIfe Day 106...the absence of expectation...

 What is the absence of expectation?



yeah, completely rocked my world.

Do I truly love that way? Am I capable of that?

I don't know. Hearing this almost took away my crush on you know who. almost.

its made me search my heart, take a step back, and let go for a while. I ran into him today, and could barely talk, but I managed to ask how his class was, and offer him a ride since my car was parked in the church. He turned me down since he had to go to Student Development. ugh. oh well. and of course, not courage on my part to go invade their little "weight lifting" session in the gym. I'm sure they would all be nice if I approached them, but I'm sweaty, bright pink and exhausted. hmmm. so tomorrow I'll get another chance. I will say HI. at least. its friendly, not creepy, right? yes. friendly.

anyway,back to this whole idea that LOVE is the absence of expectation thing...uh... I honestly don't know what to say. I know that I messed up this summer. I went into the team expecting things to happen a certain way. I thought being on a ministry team we would have all been on the same page. WRONG. and the cool thing is, THATS OKAY! yes, we are all different, and yes, we tolerated each other. definitely. but I think I could have let go more, understood more than wanting to be understood. As a follower of Christ, who is a servant, so that makes me a servant of a servant, so that basically means, I HAVE NO RIGHTS. k. and no right to have any expectations, or to be understood.

well anyway, I guess this just means I need time, I need to process, and allow myself to breathe. I'm watching the Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers. I will most likely watch The Return of the King next. I love this trilogy. well, that's all i have for today. I just wanted to get some thoughts down to begin to process.

back to Aragorn and Legolas and Gimly :)


Sunday, January 10, 2010

The Adventure Called Life Day 105...courage...let me

I'm watching 500 days of Summer. depressing so far. LAME.

anyway. I got up the courage to suggest a "prayer time" for our ministry team at River Tree. so I'm excited for that. Friday 3:30 in the Lowell Prayer Chapel. yay.

now I think that I might puke. I would give ANYTHING for a man to look at me that way. AHHHHH!!!!
Is it too much to ask for? To be known, I mean to want to know what I dream of, to accept the fact that I cry at Disney movies? To want someone to desire my company in that way? UGH. now im becoming cynical. not good. Thank you Bryan Dennis.

I am blessed. so so so blessed. I have great friends. Marc Anderson, you're amazing. Marc called as I was watching said movie, and I was like, THANK YOU LORD!!! such a great thing. So off to Applebee's we went. Katie Gilbertson came as well, and my fellow teammate, Liz!!! YAY :) I'm super excited for this summer. so exciting to be with a group of passionate, creative, selfless people. awesome.

well, back to this whole BOY thing. Why do I do this to myself? What do I think something will come of my caring. Is this what this is? Is this what caring feels like? You know that feeling where you can't get a deep breath, you feel on the brink of tears, and your heart feels like its being put through a shredder? yup. that's me. and yet, I'm thankful.

I'm thankful that I care this much. It may hurt, it may suck, but this is a gift. I care because God cares. I can see God reaching out for this person, and it kills me to see them brush it aside. I want so bad to look him in the eyes and tell him simply, "I care, let me in. Let me bear this with you,"

Its completely idiotic. We're not "best friends". Sometimes I wonder if we're even friends. Who am I that he would choose to let me close to him? Who's to say that I won't hurt him. I know I wont. But he doesn't know that. All he knows is I'm this GREEN, PATHETIC, UNWANTED, UNKISSED, UNDATED girl.

is it ever going to happen? or am I going to "date" Jesus forever? Is that supposed to be enough?
Not so sound concieted, but I'm pretty awesome. I love pretty quirky things, but I love PEOPLE. I love to get to know people, hanging out, talking, laughing, playing silly board games, video games, jamming with guitars, I also adore my family. They are THE WORLD to me. I haven't talked to my Mom all week, and its killing me.

I can't promise I won't hurt Him if he did let me in. But He's worth more than that. He's so worth more than i could ever give him. I guess I'm just being selfish, wanting to be a part of someone else's life, getting to share in their journey. He's so wonderful. He's a complex, compassionate, passionate, creative, stubborn, silly, sexy because he loves Jesus and looks good in a button down and jeans, man. I can see how bitter he is towards relationships. He may be "kidding" but it pains me to see him act that way. I feel like I missed out. Maybe he's still hung up on someone else. That would explain the "at arms length" syndrome. Someone as attractive as he is would have no problem getting dates. Heck, I'd go now if he asked :) But since that has never happened to me, I highly doubt its going to now and come from him.

I don't want to sound whiny, but I never get the guy. NEVER. I like someone, and they RUN in the other direction. I guess its a good sign that he still allows me to be on the worship team, that is if he knows I have a serious crush on him. Part of me says that I shouldn't like him. That he's not what I'm looking for. Then something inside me says, NO. He's great. A little young, but wonderful. I guess I would just like to be "accepted" by him. If just as good friends, that would be wonderful. He's just so mysterious, and surprises me a lot. it makes me want to scream. a lot.

I want to tell him so much. I think I've resolved that after second semester, if nothing has happened to reveal my feelings, then I will write him a letter, and give it to him when we leave campus for the summer. I might even be able to conjure up the courage to say it to his face. That would be great. Maybe write my feelings down, then read them to him? no that's lame. I guess maybe I should as a guy how to approach this. I would find that sweet. That the boy had to "write out" his feelings, but he still had the courage to say them to me in person. well, I'll see him during training week again, but that will be three weeks after. I pray that he "sees the light" as Ron so nicely put it.

That's another thing, I'm meeting with Ron tomorrow. I'm a little nervous for this. I like to talk, but things like this make me feel so stupid. I feel like feeling this way makes me extremely pathetic and weak.

I'm writing a song/poem about it. here's the lyrics so far...

Let me

you don't want to know
how i've cried so
how i've tried
letting go
but im sure you know
you have to see
what it is that you do to me

I'm afraid to even meet your eyes
afraid my heart's spilling into view
who am i?
that you would care?
that you would desire
to know me

im not talking simple things
like favorite color or favorite sport
dreams, fears, struggles,
things I don't tell even
my closest friends

is it too much to ask
to be gifted a chance
a window to shine through
into your life
into your heart

I see how you frown
even in your smiles
i see the sorrow
even in your laughter
why won't you let me
let me in

you don't want to know
how i've cried so
how i've tried
letting go
but you have to know
you have to see
what it is that you do to me

you say you aren't wanted
you say that you aren't desired
you want someone to share
someone to trust and care

Let me

So that's pretty much what I have so far. Its a little rough. But its going somewhere. anyway, I just want to say again, I appreciate all of you reading this stuff. Its mushy, its complicated, dirty and unrefined. Its me. thank you.

carolyn marie

Saturday, January 9, 2010

The Adventure Called Life Day 104...something more...

So I pour over pages
desperate to find out why
the cripple at your table
has what I'm longing to find

teach me how to hum it
'cause I don't know the words yet

help me see the light
I'm reaching through the fight
Yawhea show me the Kingdom
arms open wide
death swallowed up by life
Yawhea show me the Kingdom
SHOW ME THE KINGDOM - Bethany Dillon - Waking Up
I awoke this morning at 9 am. I was not thankful to be breathing yet again. I wanted to roll over and go back to sleep. I had tried to go to bed last night at 11 pm. But to no avail, I was restless, and I found myself back at the computer. Finally I went to sleep around 1:30.

so anyway, Drumline today was such fun. I love hanging out with those people. I also LOVE playing cymbals! I'm not very good at keeping my place in the music sometimes, but Ben indulges my love of Drumline quite graciously. The women's bball team put up a fight, but lost against Grace this afternoon. Eric sang the national anthem very well, then joined us on Shannon's bass drum because she couldn't be there. She's not feeling well :(

Rachel came over this evening, so good to see her! I really enjoy hanging out with her. She is still dating Justin, and they are doing well. Justin is going through some tough stuff right now, so prayers for him are appreciated.

back to the song I put up on the top of this post. I heard this song in the shower this morning. and it hit me really hard that I have been listening, but not allowing God to show me his Kingdom in the world around me. So today, I did that. I let myself sit back and take the world in. Its times like this, away at school, bogged down my academic responsibilities that I am the most frustrated. I feel like I cannot make a difference. Maybe I'm not supposed to at particular moments. What if I stepped back and allowed someone else around me to make the difference for a change? What if I allowed God to SHOW me rather than just tell me my "orders" and send me out? What if I was constantly aware of Him, and what he was doing in every moment?

My life would look drastically different! I would be less worried about what others thought of me, and more in tune with what God was saying and doing. He is always at work. Why do I think that I dictate that? In a way I dictate his effectiveness. I can either be an open and surrendered vessel, or I can just be another obstacle for Him to work around. I desire to be that vessel.

O Lord, empty me of myself. Fill me up with you. Quiet my spirit, my heart, my soul. Speak O Lord, for your servant is listening...In Jesus' Name, AMEN.


Friday, January 8, 2010


I just finished watching Disney's The Princess and the Frog. Of course I've heard the story as a child, but this twist was absolutely fantastic!

Tiana's father is my Dad. My father is a warrior, a fighter, and a loving man. He has always told me to dream, but to remember dreams only take you so far, and hard work is the way to go. I'll admit, I did tear up a little bit seeing him encourage Tiana to wish upon the evening star. beautiful. When I have children that is what I want for them. I want the mystery in life to remain, their imaginations to be active and healthy. Why is imagination so scarce today? I would rather spend time daydreaming, and imagining stories than remaking movies of the same ones we've been told for decades.

To put it simply, I adore film. I adore that it is life and story in motion; a glimpse into the life or the imagination of someone else. I love leaving the theatre in awe-filled silence. My brain is desperately trying to compute and file everything it has seen over the course of the last two hours. My heart is trying to deal with the joy, pain, torment, love, and hate of the story I just witnessed.

Sometimes I question if this type of adoration for storytelling is normal. I think its just the manifestation of the desire to be heard and to hear others, to be known. Why is it that I want to be known? I don't want to be famous, I just want some other human being to truly KNOW me.

Then I convince myself that no one wants that with me. I let Satan, and myself tell me that I'm not good enough. That I'm too much, that I'm overwhelming to people. Then I am not good enough. That I don't measure up to the other woman around me. My biggest fear is ending up alone. I feel like it is all my fault. That its something I did to make the men in my life run away. 

I've never had a boyfriend. It might sound pathetic, but no one has ever asked me out. I've been on group outings, but never a date. I don't know what's wrong with me. Why no guy is ever interested enough to reach out and take me out. It would be nice. I feel like I have a lot to offer. I love unconditionally to a fault, I forgive easily, I am quiet, I love to laugh, I enjoy sports and watching them on TV. I also enjoy the occasional video game. So that's enough about how pathetic I am. alright. so these are my passions, family, film, and people. so sue me.


The Adventure Called Life Day 103...snug as a bug in a rug...

so I have spent the last hour calling around, trying to find someone to go to the movies with, and to no avail, no one is available. Oh well. After grabbing dinner at Subway with my gift card :) I've just resigned to stay in, snug as a bug in a rug. Ashley is here :)

anyway, so I've managed to work out everyday this week! YAY for keeping resolutions...and of course the guys are always there. always. It never fails. oh well. I'll get over the mortification that I turn bright pink and sweat like a pig when I work out...LOL

well after I worked out, then I shoveled snow. Lots of snow. I dug my car out, then helped melanie a little bit with hers. Then I re shoveled our walkways. Its a good thing I'm used to work.

anway, Im meeting with Ron, our chaplain, for a couple a of weeks. I am a little nervous about this. I usually don't like to discuss my problems with anyone. so this will be interesting.
well drumline is tomorrow, and I want to finish the movie.


The Adventure Called Life Day 102...sweatin' to the oldies...

Thursday, January 7, 2009

i am living in another snow globe! YAY :) I LOVE snow! it has been snowing non stop for the last six hours. its quite beautiful, and I am super thankful I did my grocery shopping yesterday!! PRAISE THE LORD!

I had class today, then I went over to Liz Dusseau's office. Liz wanted to talk about this summer. So now I am going to talk to Ron about last summer. Work through some confidence issues on my part, and also confrontation phobia that I have. So meeting with Ron confirmed for 3:3o tomorrow.

Then after stopping by liz's office, I got back to the house, and headed to the gym. It was amazing. I did 35 minutes on the cross trainer machine, then another 15 on the bike to cool down. I LOVE that machine. AH! and I just feel invincible afterwards. Tomorrow I'm going to try to lift a little bit. I would like to do free weights, but maybe I should get help. I would ask Mitchell, but I don't know if thats in some unwritten code as a "do not" for our relationship, whatever it is...LOL...anyway, I will probably just do the machines. I will still do the cross trainer machine, the bike to cool down, then some weights.

so maybe I'll get the courage up to ask him for help. I'm sure he would be willing to at lease show me what to do. He won't have to be there all the time, just a couple to get me started. It would be nice to go and work out with someone regularly. Maybe I'll call him tomorrow. Maybe

also, I had a wonderful talk with Matt Voiles. He did not make Wellspring. He is a great musician, and he has a wonderful heart for the Lord's ministry. Its so encouraging to see how he is handling this closed door. He is going to grow so much from this, and I am praying that doors will open for him this summer. He's worried about money, and is being realistic about school. he's paying for it on his own. So money is an issue. I've had my own money issues. My father has been paying for school, but I buy all my groceries, and clothes, gas, pay car insurance, and misc stuff. Which is probably normal for everyone else. But somehow I've managed to get lots of hidden fees on my bank account and a resulting over draft charge because I didn't account for the monthly maintence fee. Its rather embarrassing what a mess I've made of my finances. yuck. so this year, money is scarce, as it should be. I should not be focusing on money. God is my focus. AMEN.


Wednesday, January 6, 2010

The Adventure called Life Day 101...early bird gets the worm...


I stared at the ceiling, and wondered WHY ON EARTH my alarm was going off so early.

then i remembered.

a smile slowly spread across my face, and i squealed.

yes, I squealed. Okay, so I'm a girl, what do you want? anyway, I quickly covered my mouth because I quickly realized that I was in fact staring up quite closely at the ceiling. I found myself on my bunk bed at school. so I rolled off the bed, and got myself into the shower and some oatmeal for breakfast. After quickly reading my bible and blow drying my hair, I was out the door.

I then drove to Ann Arbor. Yes you read correctly. Ann Arbor, to meet my mother. There waiting for me was a beautiful dress. I am going to wear it my best friend's brother's wedding in February. Its a formal wedding, and I wanted something special. Actually the prospect of finding a new dress was just too lovely to resist.

so I went to Dress Barn, and found a wonderful black and white dress. The bodice is a halter style, and black. Its rather short, it stops just above my belly button. the shirt is beautiful black, white and silver silk. It s a lovely draping style. and I'm wearing it sunday. yes, its a bit much for River Tree. But how I want to wear it! It is so lovely for my figure...I feel like such an attractive woman in it. Maybe a little inappropriate feeling for sunday, but Its so lovely. Its not revealing, its just very flattering to my waist and hips. I feel very feminine in it.

well now I'm watching Finding Neverland. It is my favorite film. I love it. I am a writer myself. I have so many stories floating around in my head. There is the story of Summer and Trace and Stone Ridge. Then there is Christine and Garrett and the little town of Maxton, Texas. and yet another tale of Severus Snape and Lumora Ollivander and the wonderful world of Hogwarts. And there are countless others that I long to tell. I have short little tid bits that I want to tell. Little stories of things that happen at the music building on campus, then things that happen at the race track. I want to also write a "semi fiction" of our travels this summer on Wellspring. I do hope to be able to write this coming term and the semester, and this summer. I love to write. words are my favorite.


Tuesday, January 5, 2010

The Adventure Called Life Day 100...back to the arbor...

today I travel back to my home away from home, Spring Arbor University. This marks the beginning of my third J-term. Three weeks of one class, three hours a day, five days a week. This is an relaxing term, but it is also wear new habits can be formed. So far I've managed to read my Bible when I get up and when I go to bed everyday this year (all FIVE days WOOT) and I would like that to keep going, and I also would like to hit the gym everyday this term since homework will be less, and I don't have class until 12:30. Piano becomes a priority since I need to continue to work towards getting my proficiency done. I just want this to go better than last term. I didn't do well with routine at all. so here goes nothing.

I sent Mitch a message on face book a couple of days ago, and it was about John 4:23-24. I ran across this verse again today. Ron Kopicko, our SAU Chaplain send each student a birthday card on their birthday. I spend my 20th birthday at Camp Burton, wonderful place to spend it. Kay and Bridgett had the kitchen staff make a cake. It was beautiful. So anyway, Ron included all these wonderful verses in our cards. Well this morning I ran across this card. I opened it up and went through the stack of cards. I came upon one that says "Be a Worshipper" on the top. The verse is:

"But the hour is coming and now is, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth; for the Father is seeking such to worship Him. God is Spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth." John 4:23-24

this brought a smile to my face. I had read this previously, and shared it with someone else, a fellow worship arts major :) Then today I get the reminder again. I love this. God is so good!

so this is my resolve, to LISTEN. truly listen. Prayer is important, but the most important part of prayer is to LISTEN. so now I need to pack my car, clean the catbox, make sure i have everything, and then check again, then I drive back to the arbor. pray for no snow. everyone is heading back today!!



Monday, January 4, 2010

The Adventure Called Life Day 099...your love never fails...

this summer I rediscovered Jesus Culture, and Kay Hinkle brought to our wellspring team the song, "Your Love Never Fails."

today I was reading Lamentations and I came across Lamentations 3:22-24 "Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed. for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning, great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "the Lord is my portion, therefore I will wait for him."

I usually don't like to lament, or even think about lamenting. I like to be happy, joyus all the time. But there is a place for lament. So, I am reading Lamentations as my old testament book for now...a couple of weeks ago Andy Merritt, lead pastor at River Tree Community Church in Jackson, MI. It was the third week of advent, and the sermon was on Hope in the waiting. He used this Lamentations passage as an example. I read this this morning, let it mull over, then went about my day. I was listening to some music off of my ipod while lifting weights and the song, "your love never fails" came on. I almost dropped the weight in my hand! the lyrics are straight out of this passage. I loved it. I always found this song to be hopeful. I guess I just never put it into the context of lamenting. You can remain hopeful while lamenting. I believe if to be entirely possible. Praise the Lord!

You stay the same through the ages,
your love never changes
there maybe pain in the night
but joy comes in the morning
and when the oceans rage
i don't have to be afraid
because I know that you love me
and your love never fails
-Jesus Culture -  Your Love Never Fails

tomorrow I will find myself back at the arbor. I'm excited.I can't wait to see everyone, and most importantly get back to River Tree. I am anxious to learn what God has been doing while we've been away...and I"m nervous. God has been doing a lot in me these past three weeks. I'm not the same woman who left Gregory House at noon, thursday afternoon during exam week. I just pray that I stay this way, open, surrendered and LISTENING.


Sunday, January 3, 2010

The Adventure Called Life Day 098...something better...

I recently received a word from the Lord for someone amazing in my life. It took me awhile, but after some prayerful consideration I delivered it. It was, "there is something better," I didn't know what it meant for them, I still don't. That's between the Lord and them.

anyway, I'm reading a Psalm, a chapter in the Gospels and two chapters in the Old Testament everyday. So today I read John 2. Jesus' first miracle, turning the water into wine, has always puzzled me. I guess I never tried to understand it until now. John 2:9-11 says, "and the master of the banquet tasted the wine. He did not realize where it had come from, though the servants who had drawn the water knew. Then he called the bridegroom aside and said, "Everyone brings out the choice wine first and then the cheaper wine after the guests have had too much to drink; but you have saved the best for now."

Then it hit me. There is something better. but i have to be patient, trust, and rest in his promise. Culturally the Jews brought out the good wine first, then the cheap second, because everyone was drunk already and would not notice. But Jesus did not turn the water into "cheap" wine, he broke cultural norm and made it "choice". I take this to mean that what i have right now under my own power can be good, but if I wait and receive it from the Lord, it will be better. Maybe I can use it more to bring him glory that what I am able to gain on my own. Mary took the initiative and asked, maybe I should learn to ask as well.


Saturday, January 2, 2010

The Adventure Called Life Day but not of...

John 1:10-12 says, "He was in the world and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him. He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive Him. Yet to all who received him, he gave the right to become children of God."

I started re-reading the gospels, and my favorite is John. I love how it starts off with, "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God." I LOVE words. I find it fascinating how they can paint a picture, reveal emotion, explain a problem, cast away doubt, diminish fear, build someone up, and tear them down. Words are so powerful. I know that I have used words to hurt people, But I am also thankful that I have learned how to use words to build people up.

anyway, back to verse 10. I read this, and immediately thought of the coined phrase, "In the world, but not of it." Do we truly know what this means? Do we really follow this simple, but hard principle? In the world but not of it. Let me take a stab at it...We are in this world, living and breathing, loving those around us, but we are not comprised of it. We say the "world" as if its a bad thing, and Jesus CREATED the world. The "world" is full of people crying out with a glimmer of hope, and the Truth. How do we claim to be "in and not of" without making people feel like because they are "of" that they're dirt? LOVE. HUMBLENESS. HUMILITY. recognizing that we were once "of" the world, and that in certain areas of our lives, WE STILL ARE. that's hard to admit, especially if we quote and desire to live by this principle.

I'm not saying to scrap this saying and start over. I think the phrase and principle has true merit. I guess I'm just unsure of how to go about this. How to be "in the world and not of it." sounds so easy, yet it feels so impossible.

you have revealed this scripture to me. show me what you mean. reveal to me what this means for my life, and for those around me. Help me to apply this to my everyday walk with you. Lord, I am so thankful for friendships and relationships I have. You have blessed me immensely. Help me to continue to give, and be content in that alone. I love you.
In Jesus' name

well that's all I have for today. I'm going to continue to mull this one over. enjoy your day.
"May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with you," 1 Thessalonians 5:28


Friday, January 1, 2010

The Adventure Called Life Day year...

HAPPY NEW YEAR! Marc has pointed out that this is one of the best complements you can give a person.

this is the first day of 2010. *sigh* now this could be a monumental moment, since it is, after a start of a new decade. cool. I guess this could just be another day, of another new year. But why not make it special? Why take it for granted.

alright. not taking new day and new year for granted.

now what?

well I started by taking down the Christmas decorations without being told to do so. Then I took up all the boxes for Mom's dialysis in the same fashion. Now I'm siting here, thankful that I go it done and oddly satisfied that I did.

well Marc and I are heading off to Great Lakes Crossing. Don't know if I'm going to be able to find a shrug. my luck, probably not :) well, here's to a new year!


PS I can't WAIT to get started on Wellspring stuff. I love to sing. But I love to sing even more when its for Jesus!! YAY :)