*sigh* today has been a long day.
I filmed this afternoon for my video. its going to be epic. :)
Zachariah, Casey, Heather, and Eric all helped me out today. Marrissa LeClair and Kim Walker appeared "randomly" in it too :) awesome. I can't wait to get started on editing it. I think I'll finish filming on monday. Then i will edit on tuesday since I don't have chem lab <3 Zachariah can witness my mad editing skillz...lol...
tonight I'm hanging around the house, getting some things done, making sure I get the sheets changed, I need a shower, i smell awful, then I'm on my way home...
tomorrow we're headed to the race track. EEP! oh my goodness! so excited!
cm
Friday, April 30, 2010
The Adventure Called Life Day 212...comparing...
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Have you ever compared yourself to others? Well I have. I just did it today. I am very frustrated with myself.
Zachariah tells me all the time how beautiful I am. Then tonight, we were sitting rather close together and he just simply states, after I asked, "what are you thinking?" he says, "that you don't love yourself,"
WOW.
I've been working on that. I've been working on loving myself. I guess he just noticed when I "felt sorry for myself". Our relationship is amazing. that's all I'm going to say...
so, don't go comparing yourselves to anyone else. I am reminded that each of us are unique and wonderfully made, bearing the image of God.
cm
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
The Adventure Called Life Day 211...papers, papers, papers...
You think after six semester of university (yeah, i said it :) i would be able to plan better when it came to the end of the semester.
nope.
oh well. I have around six papers due in the next week, and a final video project to pull together in two weeks. I CAN DO THIS :)
at least I have the support of my family, my wonderful boyfriend, my friends, and of course my beautiful Savior. I stopped into a practice room today after my 4 o'clock class and just played this piece i've been writing lately. I think its almost finished, now I have to transcribe it. Then I would like Dr. Brown to look at it. I am thinking it could possibly turn into a piano/strings piece. something like an accompanied string quartet.
Porchfest is tonight. that is something i am definitely looking forward to. I'm debating whether or not to bring any homework. I'm thinking that one last break from the ridiculous load of papers coming my way would be nice :) then I can get my CMI paper done tomorrow, my CHEM paper done friday, or at least outlined and finished then on saturday. I write my lab write up on sunday and start my PSY 110 paper on monday. This should work out nicely :) I'm thankful that Zach might be able to breathe after turning in his WOR 200 paper...
well now its time to eat the dinner I threw together, unpack the box my Mom sent me, then head over to Porchfest! *sigh* great night :)
cm
nope.
oh well. I have around six papers due in the next week, and a final video project to pull together in two weeks. I CAN DO THIS :)
at least I have the support of my family, my wonderful boyfriend, my friends, and of course my beautiful Savior. I stopped into a practice room today after my 4 o'clock class and just played this piece i've been writing lately. I think its almost finished, now I have to transcribe it. Then I would like Dr. Brown to look at it. I am thinking it could possibly turn into a piano/strings piece. something like an accompanied string quartet.
Porchfest is tonight. that is something i am definitely looking forward to. I'm debating whether or not to bring any homework. I'm thinking that one last break from the ridiculous load of papers coming my way would be nice :) then I can get my CMI paper done tomorrow, my CHEM paper done friday, or at least outlined and finished then on saturday. I write my lab write up on sunday and start my PSY 110 paper on monday. This should work out nicely :) I'm thankful that Zach might be able to breathe after turning in his WOR 200 paper...
well now its time to eat the dinner I threw together, unpack the box my Mom sent me, then head over to Porchfest! *sigh* great night :)
cm
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
The Adventure Called LIfe Day 210... know the word...
Phil Wickham. I admire this man. He is very talented, but also just plain real. He is a christian musician, I would even call him a "worship leader". His concerts are not a "show" they are an opportunity to enter into the throne room of God. Its awesome.
I was watching this video on youtube of him answering the first 10 questions on his latest blog. He answered a question, "What is the best advice you can give to a worship leader?"
"Know the word,"
wow.
that's pretty much it.
Its been my mission this semester. know the word. that's why I'm working my way through John right now. I want to know the gospel. i want it to be hidden away in my heart so God can draw it out of my heart when the time comes.
so. that's my daily mission. know the word. in turn i will begin to truly know God.
cm
I was watching this video on youtube of him answering the first 10 questions on his latest blog. He answered a question, "What is the best advice you can give to a worship leader?"
"Know the word,"
wow.
that's pretty much it.
Its been my mission this semester. know the word. that's why I'm working my way through John right now. I want to know the gospel. i want it to be hidden away in my heart so God can draw it out of my heart when the time comes.
so. that's my daily mission. know the word. in turn i will begin to truly know God.
cm
Monday, April 26, 2010
The Adventure Called Life Day 209...joyful...
have you ever had someone inspire you to be a better person? someone who you looked at and challenged your soul? someone who challenges you to be your best and give your best all the time.
I've been very fortunate to have a couple of these people in my life. Now I have Zachariah Deitrich.
I don't think i've ever seen that kid angry. frustrated? yes. angry? no. also, he is always kind to me. He is a musician, a songwriter, and most importantly a passionate pursuer of Christ.
well, this is going to be cut short. because you see, well its like this. its 11:30 at night. im taking a study break. Zachariah and I are going to walk the P loop with Jesus. catch you later.
see? totally growing in Christ together. gotta love it.
cm
well, this is going to be cut short. because you see, well its like this. its 11:30 at night. im taking a study break. Zachariah and I are going to walk the P loop with Jesus. catch you later.
see? totally growing in Christ together. gotta love it.
cm
Sunday, April 25, 2010
The Adventure Called Life Day 208...'dega...
today's NASCAR race is at Talledega. or as we NASCAR nuts all affectionately call it, 'Dega.
I love this race. Its like a 200 mile 'n hour parking lot. Its fascinating to watch the cars sling shot past each other, its also nerve wrecking when they try to go four wide into turn four.
well I do need to do some homework. I'm supposed to go over to Zachariah's room tonight @8 to help him organize his room. I'll also take my computer and my lab book so I can do my lab write up. This afternoon I'm going to watch the race, play some guitar, email my ministry leadership paper person to interview and then make dinner :)
here's to cozying up on the couch, watching the race and enjoying the thunderstorms! i do wish my boo was here, but im sure he's either napping or doing homework like a good kid. lol...
GO DALE JR #88 GO!
cm
I love this race. Its like a 200 mile 'n hour parking lot. Its fascinating to watch the cars sling shot past each other, its also nerve wrecking when they try to go four wide into turn four.
well I do need to do some homework. I'm supposed to go over to Zachariah's room tonight @8 to help him organize his room. I'll also take my computer and my lab book so I can do my lab write up. This afternoon I'm going to watch the race, play some guitar, email my ministry leadership paper person to interview and then make dinner :)
here's to cozying up on the couch, watching the race and enjoying the thunderstorms! i do wish my boo was here, but im sure he's either napping or doing homework like a good kid. lol...
GO DALE JR #88 GO!
cm
Saturday, April 24, 2010
The Adventure Called Life Day 207...on the road again...
here we go again! this afternoon Well Spring team 2 hits the road. We're headed out for a revival gig tonight. I believe our set starts at 7pm. We greatly appreciate your prayers :)
im excited. EEP! im a little sad though that i am missing Zachariah's sister Ariel's dance recital. I will have to visit, and then Ariel and i will have to choreograph a serious dance to a silly silly song and make everyone laugh really loud. i bet we could do a Go Fish song, or maybe a Satellites and Sirens tune. that would be so. much. fun.
anyway, i've got just a few minutes to get somethings together for tonight. its gonna ROCK! my team is absolutely amazing! Jesus is so alive in us. Its amazing to watch each of them worship, even in practice. very cool. very encouraging and inspiring.
Lord,
we surrender. we empty ourselves of our own thoughts, agendas and desires. we want you. fill us up, send us out O Lord. use us for your Glory! we love you.
In Jesus' Name
Amen
cm
im excited. EEP! im a little sad though that i am missing Zachariah's sister Ariel's dance recital. I will have to visit, and then Ariel and i will have to choreograph a serious dance to a silly silly song and make everyone laugh really loud. i bet we could do a Go Fish song, or maybe a Satellites and Sirens tune. that would be so. much. fun.
anyway, i've got just a few minutes to get somethings together for tonight. its gonna ROCK! my team is absolutely amazing! Jesus is so alive in us. Its amazing to watch each of them worship, even in practice. very cool. very encouraging and inspiring.
Lord,
we surrender. we empty ourselves of our own thoughts, agendas and desires. we want you. fill us up, send us out O Lord. use us for your Glory! we love you.
In Jesus' Name
Amen
cm
Friday, April 23, 2010
The Adventure Called Life Day 206...lucky as us...
so this song has been running through my head all day.
its Paramore - Where the Lines Overlap - off of Brand New Eyes -
awesome song. and it has just been running through my head, especially the line...
no one, is as luck as us...
so true. Zachariah and I are the luckiest. ever. so. much. fun. I pray that this fairytale never ends and no one pinches me so i don't wake up from this amazing dream. God has truly answered my prayers!
so heres a link to the song. enjoy.
WHERE THE LINES OVERLAP - PARAMORE - BRAND NEW EYES
be blessed.
cm
its Paramore - Where the Lines Overlap - off of Brand New Eyes -
awesome song. and it has just been running through my head, especially the line...
no one, is as luck as us...
so true. Zachariah and I are the luckiest. ever. so. much. fun. I pray that this fairytale never ends and no one pinches me so i don't wake up from this amazing dream. God has truly answered my prayers!
so heres a link to the song. enjoy.
WHERE THE LINES OVERLAP - PARAMORE - BRAND NEW EYES
be blessed.
cm
Thursday, April 22, 2010
The Adventure Called Life Day 205...the artist struggle...
so i've conveniently coined the phrase "the artist struggle" to describe the absolutely paralyzing paradigm shift an artist experiences at semester end. Just recently have I identified myself as an artist. Usually that title is reserved in my mind for someone with a record deal or is making money and becoming famous through their art.
this just isn't true. sometimes the most inspiring and true artists are not famous, are not well know, and sometimes they can be very under appreciated. I am slowly coming to terms with the artist ego, the desire for fame, and the push for perfection. the music i produce or even "cover" is an extension of my heart, my mind and my soul. If I am giving my best, I am giving myself in my art. Its a manifestation of who I am. Thats as vulnerable as it gets.
now imagine being used to daily, even hourly creativity. imagine living through the creation of your art. life is good. right?
now imagine that being slowly taken away. assignments sort of pile up, but you can mange to get them done, but still play guitar and write. Life is still good, but it could be better...
now imagine being overwhelmed with assignments. drowning in busy work and paper after paper. throw some serious relationships and some heavy scripture in the mix. now you don't have any time to be creative. you don't have anytime to listen to Jesus. you talk to him an awful lot now, pleading with him to allow you finish this assignment soon so you can collapse to sleep. but listening? digging into the word? impossible. your guitar lays lifeless in its case. you haven written a song in a whole week. two weeks. maybe three. its eating away at you. its destroying your productivity. its robbing your joy.
how can you stop it? can you fight it? is there a way to be an artist, a student and a follower of Christ all at the same time?
the answer seems to be a resounding NO. No, you can't see any light at the end of the tunnel. Its so dark, you've forgotten what even the light from the moon and the stars feel like, let alone the sun...
somewhere deep, deep inside you. down your soul, into the blackness, around a couple of corners to the deepest part of yourself. there is hope. there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Jesus still dwells within you. Every once in a while you see him in the eyes of those around you too. You see it in the way they look at you, the kind soft words they speak to you, the soft touch of their hand, the welcomed hug of encouragement. The quiet joy of the trees, the blades of grass, all springing to life around you echos the Father's love with a resounding yes.
"Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousness will go before you,
and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.
9 Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;
you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.
"If you do away with the yoke of oppression,
with the pointing finger and malicious talk,
10 and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
and your night will become like the noonday.
11 The LORD will guide you always;
he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like a spring whose waters never fail."
just because for these couple weeks, you can't write a song, you don't spend enough time, if any, alone with God. you still see him, you still hear him. chapel helps. instead of singing your lungs out like you do in choir anyway, what if that became your time to listen? something way cool happens when you just stop singing in the midst of a worship service and listen to God speak and move through the people around you.
as cliche as it sounds, inviting Jesus into your homework time is crucial. You can be doing an assignment and it can literally change your entire mindset. allowing God to sit beside you at the computer, opening it up to his input about that sentence or this sentence. Its amazing if you do assignments with Jesus how creative they become. I'm not saying it will be instantaneous or that your research paper with touch your soul, but anything with Jesus is always more enjoyable :)
I guess it comes down to intentionality. be intentional with your time. make a list. check it off as you get done. if nothing gets done on the list, do it tomorrow. don't beat yourself up about it. ask for an extension. this time of the semester can be just plain CRAZY. don't worry about it. give it to God. ask him for focus, for productivity. He loves you. He loves us. He created us to be artists. lets embrace it, even in our mundane, routine and boring lives. creativity can come in the most terrible and inconvenient times.
like this post for instance. im in the middle of class. yup. i know, such a bad kid right? oh no. this is so much more important. this post is using exactly the servant leadership, the hope, the creativity we are talking about in class. thanks Jesus. use these words to touch your people. thank you for this gift of encouragement.
<3 carolyn marie
this just isn't true. sometimes the most inspiring and true artists are not famous, are not well know, and sometimes they can be very under appreciated. I am slowly coming to terms with the artist ego, the desire for fame, and the push for perfection. the music i produce or even "cover" is an extension of my heart, my mind and my soul. If I am giving my best, I am giving myself in my art. Its a manifestation of who I am. Thats as vulnerable as it gets.
now imagine being used to daily, even hourly creativity. imagine living through the creation of your art. life is good. right?
now imagine that being slowly taken away. assignments sort of pile up, but you can mange to get them done, but still play guitar and write. Life is still good, but it could be better...
now imagine being overwhelmed with assignments. drowning in busy work and paper after paper. throw some serious relationships and some heavy scripture in the mix. now you don't have any time to be creative. you don't have anytime to listen to Jesus. you talk to him an awful lot now, pleading with him to allow you finish this assignment soon so you can collapse to sleep. but listening? digging into the word? impossible. your guitar lays lifeless in its case. you haven written a song in a whole week. two weeks. maybe three. its eating away at you. its destroying your productivity. its robbing your joy.
how can you stop it? can you fight it? is there a way to be an artist, a student and a follower of Christ all at the same time?
the answer seems to be a resounding NO. No, you can't see any light at the end of the tunnel. Its so dark, you've forgotten what even the light from the moon and the stars feel like, let alone the sun...
somewhere deep, deep inside you. down your soul, into the blackness, around a couple of corners to the deepest part of yourself. there is hope. there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Jesus still dwells within you. Every once in a while you see him in the eyes of those around you too. You see it in the way they look at you, the kind soft words they speak to you, the soft touch of their hand, the welcomed hug of encouragement. The quiet joy of the trees, the blades of grass, all springing to life around you echos the Father's love with a resounding yes.
"Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousness will go before you,
and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.
9 Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;
you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.
"If you do away with the yoke of oppression,
with the pointing finger and malicious talk,
10 and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
and your night will become like the noonday.
11 The LORD will guide you always;
he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like a spring whose waters never fail."
Isaiah 58:8-11
just because for these couple weeks, you can't write a song, you don't spend enough time, if any, alone with God. you still see him, you still hear him. chapel helps. instead of singing your lungs out like you do in choir anyway, what if that became your time to listen? something way cool happens when you just stop singing in the midst of a worship service and listen to God speak and move through the people around you.
as cliche as it sounds, inviting Jesus into your homework time is crucial. You can be doing an assignment and it can literally change your entire mindset. allowing God to sit beside you at the computer, opening it up to his input about that sentence or this sentence. Its amazing if you do assignments with Jesus how creative they become. I'm not saying it will be instantaneous or that your research paper with touch your soul, but anything with Jesus is always more enjoyable :)
I guess it comes down to intentionality. be intentional with your time. make a list. check it off as you get done. if nothing gets done on the list, do it tomorrow. don't beat yourself up about it. ask for an extension. this time of the semester can be just plain CRAZY. don't worry about it. give it to God. ask him for focus, for productivity. He loves you. He loves us. He created us to be artists. lets embrace it, even in our mundane, routine and boring lives. creativity can come in the most terrible and inconvenient times.
like this post for instance. im in the middle of class. yup. i know, such a bad kid right? oh no. this is so much more important. this post is using exactly the servant leadership, the hope, the creativity we are talking about in class. thanks Jesus. use these words to touch your people. thank you for this gift of encouragement.
<3 carolyn marie
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
flowers and sunshine...
here's to it being spring at the arbor! *sigh*
well at least the snow is gone. lol
im sitting on the quiet floor of the library. yet again. reading for PSY 110 and writing a reflection paper. completely envious of all the people milling about in the sunshine. I take a little comfort knowing that they have to go inside to class as well :) its simply glorious outside and im stuck doing homework. oh well. such is the life of a college student!
anyway, not to be creepy, but I just saw Kimmee, Jordan, Rachel and Justin all meet in the middle of the plaza and talk for a few minutes. It brought me back to when we were all new bright eyed and bushy tailed freshmen. taking music classes and trying our best to discover who we were becoming. We've come so far. God has been so good, so faithful, such a wonderful peace and rock in our times of craziness and busyness. I am so thankful for those beautiful people whom I am blessed to call friends :)
here's to flowers, sunshine, and only three more weeks of this craziness. then I can enjoy an afternoon in the sun, on a blanket with a pen, a notebook, a bible, an acoustic guitar and Zachariah Deitrich <3
cm
well at least the snow is gone. lol
im sitting on the quiet floor of the library. yet again. reading for PSY 110 and writing a reflection paper. completely envious of all the people milling about in the sunshine. I take a little comfort knowing that they have to go inside to class as well :) its simply glorious outside and im stuck doing homework. oh well. such is the life of a college student!
anyway, not to be creepy, but I just saw Kimmee, Jordan, Rachel and Justin all meet in the middle of the plaza and talk for a few minutes. It brought me back to when we were all new bright eyed and bushy tailed freshmen. taking music classes and trying our best to discover who we were becoming. We've come so far. God has been so good, so faithful, such a wonderful peace and rock in our times of craziness and busyness. I am so thankful for those beautiful people whom I am blessed to call friends :)
here's to flowers, sunshine, and only three more weeks of this craziness. then I can enjoy an afternoon in the sun, on a blanket with a pen, a notebook, a bible, an acoustic guitar and Zachariah Deitrich <3
cm
The Adventure Called Life Day 204...curfew...
I guess I should be thankful that my boyfriend's roommate comes looking for him, all the way across campus! geez! Ryan scared the bejesus out of us! man. I am so freakin' embarrassed right now.
anyway.
Zach and I have had a couple breakthroughs. We are working some things out, understanding each other some more, and growing together closer to God. I am super thankful for that.
so. curfew. maybe that will fix my extreme lack of sleep eh? yeah. maybe. not sure. yeah, you're right. IT WILL. so. curfew. MIDNIGHT. sun-thurs. then on fri and sat 1 am. NO LATER. that's it. Its midnight, conversation cut off, and we say goodnight! no exceptions! We both need sleep, and to get our school work done. we both have a lot of stuff to do between now and the end of the semester.
here's to sleep. which I am going to go do right now :)
cm
anyway.
Zach and I have had a couple breakthroughs. We are working some things out, understanding each other some more, and growing together closer to God. I am super thankful for that.
so. curfew. maybe that will fix my extreme lack of sleep eh? yeah. maybe. not sure. yeah, you're right. IT WILL. so. curfew. MIDNIGHT. sun-thurs. then on fri and sat 1 am. NO LATER. that's it. Its midnight, conversation cut off, and we say goodnight! no exceptions! We both need sleep, and to get our school work done. we both have a lot of stuff to do between now and the end of the semester.
here's to sleep. which I am going to go do right now :)
cm
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
The Adventure Called Life Day 203...sleep, what's that?...
rest. sleep.
I'm not quite sure what those are anymore! I seem to be so busy, so tied up with everything that I haven't had time to adequately rest.
granted i stay up into the wee hours of the night with my significant other, and i love it, but maybe i need to stop this before i make myself sick. I really do love the time we spend together, but I think it might kill me eventually, this lack of sleep. I think I need to grab a coffee or something. ugh. oh well.
tonight is the string ensemble concert after my chem lab. then I have small group. then I am going to pass out on the couch :) maybe put in a movie and just CHILL. we'll see.
cm
I'm not quite sure what those are anymore! I seem to be so busy, so tied up with everything that I haven't had time to adequately rest.
granted i stay up into the wee hours of the night with my significant other, and i love it, but maybe i need to stop this before i make myself sick. I really do love the time we spend together, but I think it might kill me eventually, this lack of sleep. I think I need to grab a coffee or something. ugh. oh well.
tonight is the string ensemble concert after my chem lab. then I have small group. then I am going to pass out on the couch :) maybe put in a movie and just CHILL. we'll see.
cm
Monday, April 19, 2010
The Adventure Called Life Day 202...meeting...
tonight is our first Resident Assistant meeting for the fall of 2010! AH! soooo excited! I'm especially excited that I get to share this experience a little bit with Zachariah. I know being RA's will make us both extremely busy, but I can hardly contain the joy I have about us sharing this experience! We get to swap stories, share pain, share what God is doing on our floors and in our hearts.
needless to say. I'm stoked.
time to do a little homework before the meeting.
cm
needless to say. I'm stoked.
time to do a little homework before the meeting.
cm
old made new...
"Therefore if anyone is in Christ, He is a new creation, the old has gone and the new has come,"
2 Corinthians 5:17
I can remember as a little girl, getting a new dress or a new pair of shoes. There was something about wearing that piece of clothing for the first time. The cloth was spotless, stainless, wrinkle-free. They had that "new" smell, that only comes from the department store. I usually felt really pretty, or now as I have matured, I've identified this feeling as false confidence. I say false because it does not last.
"Repent then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord," Acts 3:19
Repentance is not just "saying you're sorry" to God. Repentance is a mental change. It is a decision to let go of the wrong and grab a hold of the right. Its a decision to turn away from evil and walk back into the son-light.
I guess to bring this into focus, grace is something that is so misunderstood. Grace isn't a guilt-trip. Grace is also not a "get out of jail free" card or even the "collect $200 pass go" card. Grace is like one of those cards, but instead of just a couple per game, you get an unlimited amount. Grace merits a response. The response is our lives, our souls, our entire being surrendered for the cause of Jesus Christ. By receiving grace, we accept the responsibility of responding.
Truly receiving grace is humbly soul drenching. To think that Jesus Christ eternally petitions before the Father on our behalf. that because he hold the keys to the gates of Hell we can accept the gift of eternal reconciliation to God. wow.
so. now what do you do? you've messed up. fallen flat on your face because you stupidly thought that you knew better than the creator of the universe.
"So we fix our eyes on not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal," 2 Corinthians 4:18
That is the answer. accept grace. let it wash over you. but don't stop there. let it overflow out of you. let it be the source of what you do, say and think. let it be the reason you breathe. God's grace covers us. completely. now go. live by his grace, forgiving others as you have been forgiven. loving others as you have been loved. what a blessing it is to be the hand and feet of Lord Jesus Christ. what a blessing indeed.
cm
2 Corinthians 5:17
I can remember as a little girl, getting a new dress or a new pair of shoes. There was something about wearing that piece of clothing for the first time. The cloth was spotless, stainless, wrinkle-free. They had that "new" smell, that only comes from the department store. I usually felt really pretty, or now as I have matured, I've identified this feeling as false confidence. I say false because it does not last.
"Repent then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord," Acts 3:19
Repentance is not just "saying you're sorry" to God. Repentance is a mental change. It is a decision to let go of the wrong and grab a hold of the right. Its a decision to turn away from evil and walk back into the son-light.
I guess to bring this into focus, grace is something that is so misunderstood. Grace isn't a guilt-trip. Grace is also not a "get out of jail free" card or even the "collect $200 pass go" card. Grace is like one of those cards, but instead of just a couple per game, you get an unlimited amount. Grace merits a response. The response is our lives, our souls, our entire being surrendered for the cause of Jesus Christ. By receiving grace, we accept the responsibility of responding.
Truly receiving grace is humbly soul drenching. To think that Jesus Christ eternally petitions before the Father on our behalf. that because he hold the keys to the gates of Hell we can accept the gift of eternal reconciliation to God. wow.
so. now what do you do? you've messed up. fallen flat on your face because you stupidly thought that you knew better than the creator of the universe.
"So we fix our eyes on not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal," 2 Corinthians 4:18
That is the answer. accept grace. let it wash over you. but don't stop there. let it overflow out of you. let it be the source of what you do, say and think. let it be the reason you breathe. God's grace covers us. completely. now go. live by his grace, forgiving others as you have been forgiven. loving others as you have been loved. what a blessing it is to be the hand and feet of Lord Jesus Christ. what a blessing indeed.
cm
Sunday, April 18, 2010
The Adventure Called Life Day 201...deeper...
I want to go deeper. deeper in. further than i've ever been before. I want to dwell in God's presence fuller, deeper, longer, than i've ever before. There is this deep desire within me, burning inside my soul, wanting desperately to know my creator. wanting desperately to converse with my savior. but one word stops it.
shame.
the feeling that i've messed up. i've deliberately defiled my body, mind, and spirit. i've taken ahold of myself, yanked my life out of Christ's open arms and lived.
how. dare. I.
who am I to think I can control even one second of my being? Who am I to think that I can do better? that's just it. who am i? who is God? I've slowly been coming to terms with the reality of my situation. I'm broken, worthless, empty with out Christ's life dwelling within me. Its the image that I bear which makes me worthy of his presence. The fact that I bear the image of God, that he created me for his Glory is what gives me hope. It allows Christ's sacrifice and the Holy Spirit to transform and reconcile that image back to God.
so this is it. this is me taking the step.
Lord,
I want to understand this image that I bear. I want to honor it. I don't just want to "believe in" it. That's not enough. You have called your people to HONOR YOU. Not just to believe. Help me to do this in all areas of my life. Help me to confess when I have wronged you, I am thankful for your forgiveness and mercy. Help me to learn from the mistakes and to turn from my wicked ways. I love you.
In Jesus' name,
Amen.
again, thank you for your prayers. I am trying desperately to not be ashamed of myself. I will hold fast to God's promises of grace and mercy. PRAISE THE LORD!
cm
shame.
the feeling that i've messed up. i've deliberately defiled my body, mind, and spirit. i've taken ahold of myself, yanked my life out of Christ's open arms and lived.
how. dare. I.
who am I to think I can control even one second of my being? Who am I to think that I can do better? that's just it. who am i? who is God? I've slowly been coming to terms with the reality of my situation. I'm broken, worthless, empty with out Christ's life dwelling within me. Its the image that I bear which makes me worthy of his presence. The fact that I bear the image of God, that he created me for his Glory is what gives me hope. It allows Christ's sacrifice and the Holy Spirit to transform and reconcile that image back to God.
so this is it. this is me taking the step.
Lord,
I want to understand this image that I bear. I want to honor it. I don't just want to "believe in" it. That's not enough. You have called your people to HONOR YOU. Not just to believe. Help me to do this in all areas of my life. Help me to confess when I have wronged you, I am thankful for your forgiveness and mercy. Help me to learn from the mistakes and to turn from my wicked ways. I love you.
In Jesus' name,
Amen.
again, thank you for your prayers. I am trying desperately to not be ashamed of myself. I will hold fast to God's promises of grace and mercy. PRAISE THE LORD!
cm
The Adventure Called LIfe Day 200...alive...
Saturday, April 17th, 2010
i am not dead
i am ALIVE!i am ALIVE!
After swinging by Marshall to see Zachariah's family, we went to the Alive Band Concert in Milan, MI. It was a good experience. I'll have to post some more about it when im actually awake :)
now its time to wind down some, prepare my heart for worship tomorrow at River Tree Community Church. I've got to re-evaluate some things, give everything up to the Lord, and begin thinking about what it truly means to love someone else...
cm
Friday, April 16, 2010
The Adventure Called Life Day 199...forgiveness...
there is a God
who loves me
who wraps me in his arms
that is the place where im changed
that is where i belong
take me to that place Lord
to that secret place where
I can be with you
you can make me like you
wrap me in your arms
wrap me in your arms
wrap me in your arms
Psalm 119 : 25-32
25 I am laid low in the dust;
preserve my life according to your word.
26 I recounted my ways and you answered me;
teach me your decrees.
27 Let me understand the teaching of your precepts;
then I will meditate on your wonders.
28 My soul is weary with sorrow;
strengthen me according to your word.
29 Keep me from deceitful ways;
be gracious to me through your law.
30 I have chosen the way of truth;
I have set my heart on your laws.
31 I hold fast to your statutes, O LORD;
do not let me be put to shame.
32 I run in the path of your commands,
for you have set my heart free.
Dearest Lord,
how can you love a wretch like me? I stand here now, broken, filthy, selfish, and scared and yet you wrap me in your arms and say. I. LOVE. YOU. how can this be? how can you love me? I don't know how, but I do know that you do. Forgive for not honoring you. Forgive me for not pursuing you enough. Consume O Lord. Come and fill me up with you. I lay down my life so you can live through me. Find me worthy. Find me faithful. You are God. You are beautiful, worthy of praise, You alone are good. Nothing this world could ever have can satisfy me like your love. I was made for your Glory. Show me what that means. Teach me to live according to your spirit and your love. Lord, I thank you for your unfailing love, your deep compassion, your good and perfect will. Lord, I love you, I love you, I love you.
In Jesus' name,
Amen.
please pray that I remain pure mind, body, soul, spirit. pray that the Lord would consume me, that it is truly Christ alive inside of me and not myself. pray that I am found faithful. thank you. I covet your prayers and I am so thankful for your friendships. you all are so amazing. thank you. thank you. thank you.
cm
who loves me
who wraps me in his arms
that is the place where im changed
that is where i belong
take me to that place Lord
to that secret place where
I can be with you
you can make me like you
wrap me in your arms
wrap me in your arms
wrap me in your arms
Psalm 119 : 25-32
25 I am laid low in the dust;
preserve my life according to your word.
26 I recounted my ways and you answered me;
teach me your decrees.
27 Let me understand the teaching of your precepts;
then I will meditate on your wonders.
28 My soul is weary with sorrow;
strengthen me according to your word.
29 Keep me from deceitful ways;
be gracious to me through your law.
30 I have chosen the way of truth;
I have set my heart on your laws.
31 I hold fast to your statutes, O LORD;
do not let me be put to shame.
32 I run in the path of your commands,
for you have set my heart free.
Dearest Lord,
how can you love a wretch like me? I stand here now, broken, filthy, selfish, and scared and yet you wrap me in your arms and say. I. LOVE. YOU. how can this be? how can you love me? I don't know how, but I do know that you do. Forgive for not honoring you. Forgive me for not pursuing you enough. Consume O Lord. Come and fill me up with you. I lay down my life so you can live through me. Find me worthy. Find me faithful. You are God. You are beautiful, worthy of praise, You alone are good. Nothing this world could ever have can satisfy me like your love. I was made for your Glory. Show me what that means. Teach me to live according to your spirit and your love. Lord, I thank you for your unfailing love, your deep compassion, your good and perfect will. Lord, I love you, I love you, I love you.
In Jesus' name,
Amen.
please pray that I remain pure mind, body, soul, spirit. pray that the Lord would consume me, that it is truly Christ alive inside of me and not myself. pray that I am found faithful. thank you. I covet your prayers and I am so thankful for your friendships. you all are so amazing. thank you. thank you. thank you.
cm
Thursday, April 15, 2010
The Adventure Called Life Day 198...shadow...
last night Zachariah and I took a walk around the "p" loop (or the upside down b loop as Shelby Love and I like to call it) we shared prayer requests and then we prayed together. Him first, then me. It was awesome. I loved it. I am so thankful.
On our first walk around the loop, we encountered a little cat. I thought that it was just a stray, but after it followed us for a couple of minutes, Zach spotted its collar. I named it Shadow, mostly because I think its a girl, and she's super cute.
Shadow followed us for our second loop and then followed us all the way to the edge of campus! Something struck me about the way the cat was darting ahead and surveying the area ahead. Then she also would try to rub our legs and I had to stop walking sometimes to not trip over her! but anyways, thats my little anecdote for the day. Shadow. she's super cute. and so is Zachariah. well, he's more along the lines of dashingly handsome. :)
cm
On our first walk around the loop, we encountered a little cat. I thought that it was just a stray, but after it followed us for a couple of minutes, Zach spotted its collar. I named it Shadow, mostly because I think its a girl, and she's super cute.
Shadow followed us for our second loop and then followed us all the way to the edge of campus! Something struck me about the way the cat was darting ahead and surveying the area ahead. Then she also would try to rub our legs and I had to stop walking sometimes to not trip over her! but anyways, thats my little anecdote for the day. Shadow. she's super cute. and so is Zachariah. well, he's more along the lines of dashingly handsome. :)
cm
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
guest posting...wither...
I am one of many invited guests to post on Britta's blog in the next couple of weeks. I would really like to share this guest posting with you. Its called Wither.
http://brunettecashier.blogspot.com/2010/04/guest-poster-wither.html
be blessed :)
cm
http://brunettecashier.blogspot.com/2010/04/guest-poster-wither.html
be blessed :)
cm
The Adventure Called Life Day 197...study, nap, study, repeat...
Its that time of the semester yet again. crunch time. this is when push comes to shove and you realize who your true friends are. Whether you actually spend time with them doesn't mean anything. Its usually if you miss them a whole lot, then you realize you truly love them. I miss Marc and kyle and Callie, e and b. I miss hanging out with them! They are super cool peeps. Also I miss my roommates! I hardly ever see them. I guess I didn't think being in a relationship would completely compromise all my time.
yet part of me doesn't mind one bit. I still need to nurture those relationships. I deeply care about my friends. I pray for them daily and I want to keep in touch with them, but I also know they are really busy too :)
I am so incredibly happy. I am so *sigh* living in a dream! Someone pinch me! Zach looks at me like I'm the most beautiful thing in the world. Its very overwhelming. I just hope he is beginning to understand how much he means to me and how much I care for him. Its officially been a week. I've got to SLOW DOWN. I've got to just stop and smell the roses for a while. I've got two more years here, there is no rush. none at all. Besides I'm going to be an RA next year! EEP!
I interviewed Casey Mellinger for that yesterday. For PSY 110 I have to write a mentoring session reflection paper. I'm excited to start that tonight. As soon as I'm done with this post I'm going to start writing it :) For some reason, I've been able to get a head start on all my homework. its such a blessing! I just pray that I don't fall behind! That would be terrible.
so. I'm asking that you keep praying for my relationship with Christ. As Paul says, that I would continue to work out my salvation with fear and trembling. I also would covet your prayers regarding Zachariah. Our relationship is so beautiful. Its truly remarkable how great friends we are, and how much I care for him :) also, keep my friends in your prayers. I love them so much. I would be nothing without them!
cm
yet part of me doesn't mind one bit. I still need to nurture those relationships. I deeply care about my friends. I pray for them daily and I want to keep in touch with them, but I also know they are really busy too :)
I am so incredibly happy. I am so *sigh* living in a dream! Someone pinch me! Zach looks at me like I'm the most beautiful thing in the world. Its very overwhelming. I just hope he is beginning to understand how much he means to me and how much I care for him. Its officially been a week. I've got to SLOW DOWN. I've got to just stop and smell the roses for a while. I've got two more years here, there is no rush. none at all. Besides I'm going to be an RA next year! EEP!
I interviewed Casey Mellinger for that yesterday. For PSY 110 I have to write a mentoring session reflection paper. I'm excited to start that tonight. As soon as I'm done with this post I'm going to start writing it :) For some reason, I've been able to get a head start on all my homework. its such a blessing! I just pray that I don't fall behind! That would be terrible.
so. I'm asking that you keep praying for my relationship with Christ. As Paul says, that I would continue to work out my salvation with fear and trembling. I also would covet your prayers regarding Zachariah. Our relationship is so beautiful. Its truly remarkable how great friends we are, and how much I care for him :) also, keep my friends in your prayers. I love them so much. I would be nothing without them!
cm
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
you won't relent...
guest posting on Britta's Blog
many of you know the song written by Misty Edwards, performed by Jesus Culture called You Won't Relent.
Its been running through my being for a couple of weeks now. Its just simply four chords, but the "montra" aspect of it just has me hooked. here's the youtube link for it: Jesus Culture - You Won't Relent
Now I know this is completely "my style" when it comes to worship. BUT i would like to defend the "pentecostal" way of worship for a minute. Being "spirit-filled" and "spirit sensitive" is uber important. Its basically the whole deal. A lot of the time our worship services are planned, but there is always room for "planned spontaneity" as we like to call it. This song depicts this. You don't have to sing it necessarily in a specific order, it can be different every time.
Think about it. Aren't you different and changed every time you come to worship? Are you the same person you were yesterday? Are you allowing God to change and shape you daily? I think who we are, or rather Christ in us, should be reflected in our worship. Its the act of proclaiming God above everyone and everything else.
switching gears. Idolatry. In the Old Testament God hated Idolatry so much. Idolatry ultimately destroys us. Addictions drain us, it doesn't ever deliver. God is jealous. He offers us a source of life, a way for us to gain strength, to be completely full and ALIVE. Being addicted, or worshiping and Idol doesn't fill us, it empties us and leaves us to die.
I would say that my relationships have the potential to become an idol in my life. I love people. I adore them. I really enjoy getting inside someone's head, sharing dreams and experiencing their heart. I guess that's one of my fears with my new relationship. I am holding fast to Jesus. I want to be so in love with Jesus Christ. I don't want to fear "losing" myself to Zachariah. I am pursuing Christ with everything I have. That would be why I want to rediscover the Gospel. I hope to begin studying John tonight. I'm not sure what Zach is doing after small group, but I would love to spend some time in the Gospel :)
full circle. "You won't relent until you, have it all, my heart is yours..." It makes sense now. God is always pursuing us. He is unrelenting. He is jealous, and wants ALL of us. He loves us. He wants us to be full of him, full of life, love, and grace.
I challenge you to find a quiet place. sit and listen. Ask God to fill you with his spirit. I also challenge you to listen to this song. Notice how it repeats, realize that these verses can become a cry to God, something thats coming straight from not only your heart, but your very soul.
"may the Grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you," 1 Thessalonians 5:28
thank you for your time :)
~ Carolyn Marie
The Adventure Called Life Day 196...awaken...
yesterday my wellspring team sat down with Greg Martin, director of youth at Simpson Park. He is going to be a camp director for us this summer. He is an awesome guy! I am very excited to see what God is going to do thorough and in us during that week. We will be in Indianapolis for the missions trip. Its not really a camp, its more of a missions oriented week. so. awesome.
He had each of us go around the table and talk about what God has been doing in our lives. He then sat back and came up with the idea of "awaken" or "come awake" to what God is doing RIGHT NOW in our midst. I immediately thought of two Shane and Shane songs.
Awaken what's inside of me
tune my heart to all you are
and even though you're here
God come
May the vision of you be the death of me
and even though you've give everything
even though you're here
God come
***
Lord I want to Yearn for you
I want to burn with passion
over you, and only you
Lord I want Yearn for you
I want to burn with passion
over you, and only you
Lord, I want to Yearn...
so. This is my prayer today.
Lord,
may the vision of you be the death of me. God, come, dwell within me. Awaken the fire you have burning inside of me. use me for your glory. may I bring all honor, glory and praise to you alone. I love you.
In Jesus' name,
Amen.
cm
He had each of us go around the table and talk about what God has been doing in our lives. He then sat back and came up with the idea of "awaken" or "come awake" to what God is doing RIGHT NOW in our midst. I immediately thought of two Shane and Shane songs.
Awaken what's inside of me
tune my heart to all you are
and even though you're here
God come
May the vision of you be the death of me
and even though you've give everything
even though you're here
God come
***
Lord I want to Yearn for you
I want to burn with passion
over you, and only you
Lord I want Yearn for you
I want to burn with passion
over you, and only you
Lord, I want to Yearn...
so. This is my prayer today.
Lord,
may the vision of you be the death of me. God, come, dwell within me. Awaken the fire you have burning inside of me. use me for your glory. may I bring all honor, glory and praise to you alone. I love you.
In Jesus' name,
Amen.
cm
Monday, April 12, 2010
The Adventure Called Life Day 195...just hold on...
love is gonna make it right
just hold on, just hold on
there's mercy in the morning light
just hold on, hold on
- Hold On - Heaven and Earth - Mr. Phil Wickham :)
here are the scripture passages that I'm holding on to:
"Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, 13for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.
14Do everything without complaining or arguing, 15so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe 16as you hold out the word of life."
just hold on, just hold on
there's mercy in the morning light
just hold on, hold on
- Hold On - Heaven and Earth - Mr. Phil Wickham :)
here are the scripture passages that I'm holding on to:
"Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, 13for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.
14Do everything without complaining or arguing, 15so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe 16as you hold out the word of life."
Philippians 2:12-16a
"With this in mind, we constantly pray for you, that our God may count you worthy of his calling, and that by his power he may fulfill every good purpose of yours and every act prompted by your faith. 12We pray this so that the name of our Lord Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in him, according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ."
2 Thessalonians 1:11-12
I am a servant of the Lord and servant Jesus Christ, Son of the living God. This is my true purpose.
Just hold on.
cm
The Adventure Called Life Day 194...confessions of the heart...
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Happy Birthday Grandma!
today is my Grandmother's birthday! Zachariah is coming with me to celebrate her birthday! I am excited for him to meet my family. this is going to be fun! I am a little nervous :)
trying to find the delicate balance of keeping in touch with friends, but also having alone time with God and just alone time with myself, and then throwing a budding relationship in the mix isn't actually coming out to be my most graceful of days...
Zachariah is an amazing warrior of the King. He is strong, compassionate, deep, godly, spirit-filled, dashingly handsome, and just so funny. I have never met someone who I have connected with this much. Its downright scary. I'm not even sure if I should be writing this for you all to see. Its a little frightening. I am just holding on to Jesus. I have found a couple of passages in Philippians and Philemon to hold on to. I will post those tomorrow.
cm
Saturday, April 10, 2010
The Adventure Called Life Day 193...to know the gospel...
i desire to truly know the Gospel. I mean really know it. I know how it has changed my life, I know how you can be saved by it and live by it, but I'm not sure exactly how to go about reaching people with it in a practical manner. Telling someone "you need Jesus." is kind of not good enough in my opinion. I want to be able to express the story and overwhelming hope of the Gospel to people I meet everyday. I desire to be full of Christ, living as he would have me live, living for his glory and working to bring his kingdom to earth.
so I want to propose to Zachariah we begin studying the gospel together. I think it would be cool to re-discover Jesus together. How neat? what a blessing! we can discover who Jesus was and is among his disciples, and by doing that, we can grow together as followers of Christ! so. cool.
alright, its just too beautiful outside. I have yet to make it out there to just sit and study, but it WILL happen. I have to re-make my bed with fresh sheets, organize my desk, switch my laundry over to the dryer and hang up my clothes to dry, THEN i will be outside for a while. If you need me, just come and find me outside my house. my phone is dead. sad. day.
cm
so I want to propose to Zachariah we begin studying the gospel together. I think it would be cool to re-discover Jesus together. How neat? what a blessing! we can discover who Jesus was and is among his disciples, and by doing that, we can grow together as followers of Christ! so. cool.
alright, its just too beautiful outside. I have yet to make it out there to just sit and study, but it WILL happen. I have to re-make my bed with fresh sheets, organize my desk, switch my laundry over to the dryer and hang up my clothes to dry, THEN i will be outside for a while. If you need me, just come and find me outside my house. my phone is dead. sad. day.
cm
The Adventure Called Life Day 192...sold out...
Friday, April 9, 2010
several years ago, my youth pastor challenged us to be "sold out" for Jesus in a sermon series. I remember rededicating my life to Christ, to be completely "sold out" for the kingdom. I am not perfect, but I have managed to stay on the path God has for me at this point in my life.Ron Kopicko spoke in chapel today. All I kept thinking about was that moment in youth group, when Rhonda, my youth leader, challenged us to "sell out" for Jesus. I'm sure I was smiling very silly, and I was very happy. I felt that God was reminding me of that commitment I made, but I also felt him smiling too. I don't know how to describe it. I'm not saying I've been perfect, but i know that God is pleased with me because I came to Spring Arbor, I am a worship arts student, I am involved in Awaken 24, Wellspring, choir, and I'm going to be an RA. its nice to be smiled upon :)
Awaken 24 is tonight! I'm super excited. Casey, Zach and I are doing a set from 8pm to 10pm. it should be good. it always is...
Lord,
use us, this time is for you, not us. We are here for your praise, your glory and your honor. PRAISE BE TO YOU OH HOLY ONE! i love you.
In Jesus' name,
AMEN.
cm
Thursday, April 8, 2010
The Adventure Called Life Day 191...encouragement...
is it odd that i long to give someone encouragement? is it odd that i have desired to be that rock, that stable person who someone can muse with, bounce ideas off of, dream with, and share fears with? I also want to encourage them.
today I wrote Zachariah a little note, folded it up all cutesy and girly, because, lets face it, I am a woman, and I slipped it to him in choir with a simple, "because I can." I hope he gets used to it. I'm not much for PDA or being "that couple" but I do like to encourage and extend a line every now and again. I am still so nervous, so "new" at this.
I just hope this doesn't fade. This feeling, this utterly wordless feeling that is welling up inside me. I don't want it to fade. I have heard constant stories about how the "passion" or "fire" fades. I don't want it to. I don't want the ridiculous butterfly feeling I get when he holds my hand to go away. Is it odd to want that forever? Its been two stinkin' days. lets not get ahead of ourselves. *deep breath* *sigh*
so. now im getting ready to go swimming with Rachel :) I'll have to spill my guts to her, okay, so i don't HAVE to, but she is like a sister to me, and I'm sure it'll happen, sorry Zach! anyway, then its on to homework. After play rehearsal, Zach is coming over to do homework. hopefully now that "the cats out of the bag" we can actually get work done :) I hope to pray and discuss some more about Awaken 24 as well.
again, here's to passionately pursuing Christ in everything we do!
cm
today I wrote Zachariah a little note, folded it up all cutesy and girly, because, lets face it, I am a woman, and I slipped it to him in choir with a simple, "because I can." I hope he gets used to it. I'm not much for PDA or being "that couple" but I do like to encourage and extend a line every now and again. I am still so nervous, so "new" at this.
I just hope this doesn't fade. This feeling, this utterly wordless feeling that is welling up inside me. I don't want it to fade. I have heard constant stories about how the "passion" or "fire" fades. I don't want it to. I don't want the ridiculous butterfly feeling I get when he holds my hand to go away. Is it odd to want that forever? Its been two stinkin' days. lets not get ahead of ourselves. *deep breath* *sigh*
so. now im getting ready to go swimming with Rachel :) I'll have to spill my guts to her, okay, so i don't HAVE to, but she is like a sister to me, and I'm sure it'll happen, sorry Zach! anyway, then its on to homework. After play rehearsal, Zach is coming over to do homework. hopefully now that "the cats out of the bag" we can actually get work done :) I hope to pray and discuss some more about Awaken 24 as well.
again, here's to passionately pursuing Christ in everything we do!
cm
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
wow...
im a little in awe of what God is doing in my life right now. He has brought me someone who is affectionate, who cares about me, who will listen to me babble on and on. okay, so i'm really in awe of what he is doing.
all i can say is WOW. just no words can do justice what is happening to me. Its sort of like a fairytale, but we are being pretty real about it. We are trying to remain friends, but its hard being so attracted to him! ah! I don't want to be a stumbling block. I don't want to be the cause of making him stumble. I want to glorify God in all we do. I mean that. ALL that we do. boundaries are to be set, and I think it would be cool to study a book of the Bible together.
keeping God the center of our relationship is so important to me. If I am going to do this, I want to be excellent in it. I want to glorify Him and give him all the praise for this wonderful connection to Zachariah.
Lord,
I am in awe of you. I desire to be closer to you. I desire to know you. I desire to be used by you. I ask that you continue to speak to me, continue to guide me through each day. I am so in love with you. I ask that you allow Zachariah and I to seek you together, that we wouldn't be selfish, that we would desire to know you more, deeper than ever before.
come be the fire inside of me
come be the flame upon my heart
come be the fire inside of me
until you and i are one
thank you Lord for all you are doing. I am so thankful. there is no one like you. there is no one like you. I love you. i love you. i love you. Holy Holy Holy are you Lord Almighty!
in Jesus' name,
AMEN.
well that's enough for today. I just wanted to record how happy I am. I'm completely radiant. I'm falling. I just want this to be the right thing to be falling for. I desire to be in love with Jesus first, then the other can come. I want Zach to have to grow closer to God to find my heart. I want him to have to search for my heart in God and in God alone. I am so happy. PRAISE THE LORD! let me remember this day when the going gets tough, let me remember how joyful my heart is.
Lord, I want to be this joyful always. I don't want my joy to be dependent on circumstances. Joy should be a reflection of who you are, not what I am going through. PRAISE THE LORD! amen :)
cm
all i can say is WOW. just no words can do justice what is happening to me. Its sort of like a fairytale, but we are being pretty real about it. We are trying to remain friends, but its hard being so attracted to him! ah! I don't want to be a stumbling block. I don't want to be the cause of making him stumble. I want to glorify God in all we do. I mean that. ALL that we do. boundaries are to be set, and I think it would be cool to study a book of the Bible together.
keeping God the center of our relationship is so important to me. If I am going to do this, I want to be excellent in it. I want to glorify Him and give him all the praise for this wonderful connection to Zachariah.
Lord,
I am in awe of you. I desire to be closer to you. I desire to know you. I desire to be used by you. I ask that you continue to speak to me, continue to guide me through each day. I am so in love with you. I ask that you allow Zachariah and I to seek you together, that we wouldn't be selfish, that we would desire to know you more, deeper than ever before.
come be the fire inside of me
come be the flame upon my heart
come be the fire inside of me
until you and i are one
thank you Lord for all you are doing. I am so thankful. there is no one like you. there is no one like you. I love you. i love you. i love you. Holy Holy Holy are you Lord Almighty!
in Jesus' name,
AMEN.
well that's enough for today. I just wanted to record how happy I am. I'm completely radiant. I'm falling. I just want this to be the right thing to be falling for. I desire to be in love with Jesus first, then the other can come. I want Zach to have to grow closer to God to find my heart. I want him to have to search for my heart in God and in God alone. I am so happy. PRAISE THE LORD! let me remember this day when the going gets tough, let me remember how joyful my heart is.
Lord, I want to be this joyful always. I don't want my joy to be dependent on circumstances. Joy should be a reflection of who you are, not what I am going through. PRAISE THE LORD! amen :)
cm
The Adventure Called Life Day 190...passion...
what are you passionate about? I am passionate about the Lord. So that makes me just as passionate about people. I am so very passionate about music used in worship. I feel the most connected, the most open and surrendered when I am singing to Almighty God.
have you ever been afraid of passion? I know I am. Last night I took some very scary steps with someone i admire most ardently. Time to announce that Zachariah Deitrich and I are dating. *sigh* isn't it wonderful? I know! EEP! well, now that you know, let me tell you the story...
yesterday morning, between my video class (which was let out early) and i left the music building in search of a piano (talk about irony) and encountered Zachariah on the side walk between the door by Heydenburg's studio and the tunnel. I said, "Hey! How are you?" rather playfully, and he responded, "Good," with this odd look on his face and that was IT. awesome. I thought for sure I had done something. but I brushed it off. I continued to the practice rooms and alas, no piano vacancy in sight. So then I retraced my steps, only to round the corner from the corridor into the main hall and there He was again. perfect. I tried to have a conversation with him, but I could tell something was bothering him. I wasn't sure how to go about asking if everything was okay, so i bolted. Liz and Phil were hanging out by the first practice room, but I slipped in and sat at the piano. I played some, continued to explore "You Wont Relent" and also this new instrumental i'm working on...
Then I went into choir. He was doing spanish homework before class. We joked as usual, and I didn't go to dinner. to avoid him. I needed time to think. so I made dinner, chicken, green beans and rice. I watched an episode of Gossip Girl. then I went to small group. then the awkwardness started. We had great discussion until Wesley and Alyssa probed Zach about a "girl." they asked if she was in the room. CUE AWKWARD SILENCE. oh it was terrible! He didn't say anything. my heart sunk. but what was I to expect, him to admit it right then. I know I wouldn't have. Then we took a little side trip to Frosty Boy. Alyssa got the bright idea to "hold hands" I managed to hold hands with Wesley, then her. then came time for Zach and I to hold hands. and all I could think was, "Crap! I don't want to do this, but i do, but i don't! This is so not fair!" i enjoyed it. not going to lie :)
then im not quite sure how we got on the topic of my blog, but as you know, a couple of days ago i posted on the topic of "attraction." and lo and behold Zach read it. I felt like such an idiot. I was so embarrassed. I guess that it was the best blog post i could have written because after I "ran away" again into a practice room, he sent me a twitter message saying that we should talk.
after Bible Study, I tweeted back. Then we went on a walk. I was terrified. completely and utterly terrified. I was so afraid he would just say, "Now Carolyn, I think you're a great girl. I do admire you. But I don't think that we can be more than friends. I just don't see you that way..." I was totally preparing myself for that.
thankfully I was wrong. AH! so good. I am still a little nervous. I'm completely new at this. We're taking it slow, I don't want to take him away from his friends, his floor. I just would like to be that someone special in his life. I don't want to detract from his life, I want to enrich it, refresh it. How i have desired to do that for a man! God is so good. He is faithful. All the time, I know that I can rely on Him. I am so thankful.
so we talked, and talked. three hours to be exact! Then I "made" him do homework. hopefully he'll sleep this afternoon :) I would like to hang out with him this evening, but I think he may still be busy with homework. We are meeting for dinner. that shall be grand. well, now its time to meet with my RA, take a nap, and then go to class at 4. I would appreciate your prayers, and your encouragement as Zach and I seek to glorify the Lord and grow together as we grow closer. Thank you!
cm
have you ever been afraid of passion? I know I am. Last night I took some very scary steps with someone i admire most ardently. Time to announce that Zachariah Deitrich and I are dating. *sigh* isn't it wonderful? I know! EEP! well, now that you know, let me tell you the story...
yesterday morning, between my video class (which was let out early) and i left the music building in search of a piano (talk about irony) and encountered Zachariah on the side walk between the door by Heydenburg's studio and the tunnel. I said, "Hey! How are you?" rather playfully, and he responded, "Good," with this odd look on his face and that was IT. awesome. I thought for sure I had done something. but I brushed it off. I continued to the practice rooms and alas, no piano vacancy in sight. So then I retraced my steps, only to round the corner from the corridor into the main hall and there He was again. perfect. I tried to have a conversation with him, but I could tell something was bothering him. I wasn't sure how to go about asking if everything was okay, so i bolted. Liz and Phil were hanging out by the first practice room, but I slipped in and sat at the piano. I played some, continued to explore "You Wont Relent" and also this new instrumental i'm working on...
Then I went into choir. He was doing spanish homework before class. We joked as usual, and I didn't go to dinner. to avoid him. I needed time to think. so I made dinner, chicken, green beans and rice. I watched an episode of Gossip Girl. then I went to small group. then the awkwardness started. We had great discussion until Wesley and Alyssa probed Zach about a "girl." they asked if she was in the room. CUE AWKWARD SILENCE. oh it was terrible! He didn't say anything. my heart sunk. but what was I to expect, him to admit it right then. I know I wouldn't have. Then we took a little side trip to Frosty Boy. Alyssa got the bright idea to "hold hands" I managed to hold hands with Wesley, then her. then came time for Zach and I to hold hands. and all I could think was, "Crap! I don't want to do this, but i do, but i don't! This is so not fair!" i enjoyed it. not going to lie :)
then im not quite sure how we got on the topic of my blog, but as you know, a couple of days ago i posted on the topic of "attraction." and lo and behold Zach read it. I felt like such an idiot. I was so embarrassed. I guess that it was the best blog post i could have written because after I "ran away" again into a practice room, he sent me a twitter message saying that we should talk.
after Bible Study, I tweeted back. Then we went on a walk. I was terrified. completely and utterly terrified. I was so afraid he would just say, "Now Carolyn, I think you're a great girl. I do admire you. But I don't think that we can be more than friends. I just don't see you that way..." I was totally preparing myself for that.
thankfully I was wrong. AH! so good. I am still a little nervous. I'm completely new at this. We're taking it slow, I don't want to take him away from his friends, his floor. I just would like to be that someone special in his life. I don't want to detract from his life, I want to enrich it, refresh it. How i have desired to do that for a man! God is so good. He is faithful. All the time, I know that I can rely on Him. I am so thankful.
so we talked, and talked. three hours to be exact! Then I "made" him do homework. hopefully he'll sleep this afternoon :) I would like to hang out with him this evening, but I think he may still be busy with homework. We are meeting for dinner. that shall be grand. well, now its time to meet with my RA, take a nap, and then go to class at 4. I would appreciate your prayers, and your encouragement as Zach and I seek to glorify the Lord and grow together as we grow closer. Thank you!
cm
The Adventure Called Life Day 189...awkward...
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
and talk about awkward. i really didn't want to hold his hand. okay, that's a lie. of course i wanted to hold his hand! but i shouldn't be feeling this way! i SHOULD NOT be doing this. I shouldn't even be discussing this! AH!
well. i just received a twitter message saying he wants to talk. EEP. so. stinking scared. im shaking. ugh. this is not good. way to go get your heart broken once again Carolyn. awesome stuff. i'll finish this later
***
okay. so i admit. i was wrong. turns out that things were not entirely awkward for an awful reason. things were awkward for a rather great reasons really. you guys will get the details in person first. then I will write about it here! love you all so much. please keep praying. pray. pray. pray. thanks :)
cm
Monday, April 5, 2010
The Adventure Called Life Day 188...attraction...
so. attraction. desire. chemistry. these are things that we deal with on a daily basis. think about it. everyone of your friends, something about them is attractive to you. I'm not saying that its sexual by any means. Just that something about them attracts you, that you desire to know them or spend time with them because you are attracted to them for some reason or another.
I would say that I am attracted to Zachariah. I'm not saying that its sexual in nature, but I am a girl, and as far as I know he is a boy...anyway...thats off topic. Attraction. oh yes. I am intrigued by him. I also think its cool that he's passionately pursing Jesus. He's a song writer/worship leader that is intrigued by my passionate encounters with the Holy Spirit. I can tell he wants to be able to "tap in" to the Holy Spirit. I have been praying that he finds what he is pursuing. I know that God is faithful, especially when we are running after him.
I desperately don't want to be attracted to him romantically. He is a couple of years younger than me, he's also shorter. But he is quite handsome, and he's smart, funny and did i mention, passionately pursuing Christ? Oh yeah, he's also a guitar player, an acoustic, guitar, player. yes. I am a girl alright! lol...I just don't want a romantic attraction to him to ruin my admiration for him and how our friendship develops. I don't want to have that "unspoken expectation" in the back of my mind. its one of my greatest fears, that a relationship will be ruined because I pushed too far or was "too creepy" or something like that. And so what if he's short. that doesn't bother me one bit. It might, however, bother him that i'm taller? rats. oh well...
He whisked me away to Marshall, his humble abode, and we jammed with a couple of his good friends this afternoon. Then we stopped by his house, grabbed a few things, then headed to a delightful little sandwich shop. also, I got to see the House with A Clock in its Walls! THE HOUSE! apparently John Bellairs, one of my most favorite childhood authors, lived there for some time. I can still picture the shelf that held all the books in the intermediate school library. It was directly in the back of the library, the top encased shelf, and there were all there. ah. good times. good times.
I think I should take him around Hartland one afternoon. and soon. Its beautiful this time of year. I guess I could wait for the trees to get their leaves back first. maybe after school lets out, we can hit my house or Eric's for a weekend. that would be sweet :)
I recently purchased a daily devotional. I finished my current one, and now I am starting with it today. 365 days of "conversating" with God. im excited!
here's to passionately pursuing Christ!
cm
Sunday, April 4, 2010
The Adventure Called Life Day 187...afraid...
i am scared. i do not need to be afraid. Jesus is ALIVE, he is King! but yet, I feel afraid. i understand that i do not have reason to feel this way, but i am human. so i am afraid.
my mother has been ill for quite sometime now. she has had a nasty bout with bronchitis. Now i know that bronchitis can be serious in "normally healthy people" but the real kicker is that my mother is also on dialysis. She is also diabetic, and her hands and hips are gnarled from rheumatoid arthritis. She is so frail, so weak. I haven't been afraid for a long time. But today for some reason I was overwhelmed by it. I have never been paralyzed by fear, but I was pretty close to it today. I tried to sing for my family, but I got halfway through the chorus and couldn't stop crying. I cried for about twenty minutes in the bathroom, then came out, and proceeded to cry some more. I didn't stop crying until I said good bye twenty minutes later to my family, then got in the car and cried all the way back to Spring Arbor. I'm crying even now. Its been well over two hours now that I have been teary eyed with this awful knot in the pit of my stomach. I need prayer. My mother needs prayer. If you're reading this, please STOP and PRAY right now....
thank you.
cm
my mother has been ill for quite sometime now. she has had a nasty bout with bronchitis. Now i know that bronchitis can be serious in "normally healthy people" but the real kicker is that my mother is also on dialysis. She is also diabetic, and her hands and hips are gnarled from rheumatoid arthritis. She is so frail, so weak. I haven't been afraid for a long time. But today for some reason I was overwhelmed by it. I have never been paralyzed by fear, but I was pretty close to it today. I tried to sing for my family, but I got halfway through the chorus and couldn't stop crying. I cried for about twenty minutes in the bathroom, then came out, and proceeded to cry some more. I didn't stop crying until I said good bye twenty minutes later to my family, then got in the car and cried all the way back to Spring Arbor. I'm crying even now. Its been well over two hours now that I have been teary eyed with this awful knot in the pit of my stomach. I need prayer. My mother needs prayer. If you're reading this, please STOP and PRAY right now....
thank you.
cm
Saturday, April 3, 2010
The Adventure Called Life Day 186...an invitation...
so I thought it was just absurd for Mitchell to spend Easter dinner away from home, on campus and away from people. so i invited him to come with me to my Grandma's house.
in a few minutes I'll be meeting up with Eric and Zach. I'm not sure if Callie and Kyle are joining us, but that would be cool. We are meeting at Jcpennys! one of my favorite stores :) I am going to check out some skirts for Wellspring. Also, I just want this one skirt. I am making the excuse of it being Easter...lol...
anyway, I just wanted to say that I really want Mitchell to come to my Grandparent's with dinner, but I think he might just make the excuse of "having too much to do" and not come. I just don't know what to do anymore. I try to get to know him, but he's just not interested. oh well! time to go hang out with Eric and Zach! yay!
I'll be back at the arbor tonight for some sleep! then its off to Grandma's for dinner. I'll be back again at the latest monday night! wohoo for another busy break!
cm
in a few minutes I'll be meeting up with Eric and Zach. I'm not sure if Callie and Kyle are joining us, but that would be cool. We are meeting at Jcpennys! one of my favorite stores :) I am going to check out some skirts for Wellspring. Also, I just want this one skirt. I am making the excuse of it being Easter...lol...
anyway, I just wanted to say that I really want Mitchell to come to my Grandparent's with dinner, but I think he might just make the excuse of "having too much to do" and not come. I just don't know what to do anymore. I try to get to know him, but he's just not interested. oh well! time to go hang out with Eric and Zach! yay!
I'll be back at the arbor tonight for some sleep! then its off to Grandma's for dinner. I'll be back again at the latest monday night! wohoo for another busy break!
cm
Friday, April 2, 2010
sunrise...
so i looked up the time for the sunrise tomorrow morning.
and its early.
7:11 am
wOw. oh boy. well, I do think it would be a good thing to do. Get up, grab a cup of coffee, go out on the porch and watch the sunrise. that would be amazing. I don't get to do it often. I'm sure I could though. I do get up at 7:30 everyday for class. It wouldn't kill me to get up a half hour earlier. would it? probably. LOL.
so I'm going to do it tomorrow. I'll probably end up going back to sleep!! I do like sleep.
but that's my goal. I want to see the sunrise, spend sometime just me and God at the very first part of my day. I don't want it to just stop there. I want to be constantly connected to Him all the time. every moment. I don't want to miss his voice, his call, and his moving. I want to be used by Him!
cm
and its early.
7:11 am
wOw. oh boy. well, I do think it would be a good thing to do. Get up, grab a cup of coffee, go out on the porch and watch the sunrise. that would be amazing. I don't get to do it often. I'm sure I could though. I do get up at 7:30 everyday for class. It wouldn't kill me to get up a half hour earlier. would it? probably. LOL.
so I'm going to do it tomorrow. I'll probably end up going back to sleep!! I do like sleep.
but that's my goal. I want to see the sunrise, spend sometime just me and God at the very first part of my day. I don't want it to just stop there. I want to be constantly connected to Him all the time. every moment. I don't want to miss his voice, his call, and his moving. I want to be used by Him!
cm
The Adventure Called Life Day 185...remember...
savior i come
quiet my soul
remember
redemptions hill
where your blood was spilled
for my ransom
everything i once held dear
i count it all as loss
lead me to the cross
where your love poured out
bring me to my knees
Lord I lay me down
rid me of myself
i belong to you
Oh lead me, lead me to the cross
you were as I
tempted and tried
human
the word became flesh
bore my sin and death
now YOUR RISEN!
everything i once held dear
i count it all as loss
lead me to the cross
where your love poured out
bring me to my knees
Lord i lay me down
rid me of myself
i belong to you
oh Lead me, lead me to the cross...
on this Good Friday, I just want to take time to reflect and meditate what my savior has done for me, what he has done for the world. Its amazing. Its heartbreaking, its awe-inspiring. I challenge you to go to a service today, allow the Holy Spirit to grab a hold of you, let him speak to you on this remembrance day.
cm
quiet my soul
remember
redemptions hill
where your blood was spilled
for my ransom
everything i once held dear
i count it all as loss
lead me to the cross
where your love poured out
bring me to my knees
Lord I lay me down
rid me of myself
i belong to you
Oh lead me, lead me to the cross
you were as I
tempted and tried
human
the word became flesh
bore my sin and death
now YOUR RISEN!
everything i once held dear
i count it all as loss
lead me to the cross
where your love poured out
bring me to my knees
Lord i lay me down
rid me of myself
i belong to you
oh Lead me, lead me to the cross...
on this Good Friday, I just want to take time to reflect and meditate what my savior has done for me, what he has done for the world. Its amazing. Its heartbreaking, its awe-inspiring. I challenge you to go to a service today, allow the Holy Spirit to grab a hold of you, let him speak to you on this remembrance day.
cm
Thursday, April 1, 2010
The Adventure Called Life Day 184...lets take another break...
yes please. oh lets! take another break, that is!
its Officially Easter Break here at Spring Arbor University. well, actually im not on campus anymore. I am at home, sitting, okay, laying on my full size bed, surrounded by sweet smelling slightly damp laundry that's been hung by yours truly to dry. so now im going to watch an episode of Gossip Girl, fold laundry and then watch CSI at 10pm with my Dad. such a great day. I think im going to spend saturday with Eric and Zach. that should be awesome. tomorrow is Good Friday. I want to wake up at a decent hour, im thinking about seeing the sunrise, that would be cool. I can always take an afternoon nap. yay for break!
cm
its Officially Easter Break here at Spring Arbor University. well, actually im not on campus anymore. I am at home, sitting, okay, laying on my full size bed, surrounded by sweet smelling slightly damp laundry that's been hung by yours truly to dry. so now im going to watch an episode of Gossip Girl, fold laundry and then watch CSI at 10pm with my Dad. such a great day. I think im going to spend saturday with Eric and Zach. that should be awesome. tomorrow is Good Friday. I want to wake up at a decent hour, im thinking about seeing the sunrise, that would be cool. I can always take an afternoon nap. yay for break!
cm
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