What is the absence of expectation?
Love.
WHOA.
yeah, completely rocked my world.
Do I truly love that way? Am I capable of that?
I don't know. Hearing this almost took away my crush on you know who. almost.
its made me search my heart, take a step back, and let go for a while. I ran into him today, and could barely talk, but I managed to ask how his class was, and offer him a ride since my car was parked in the church. He turned me down since he had to go to Student Development. ugh. oh well. and of course, not courage on my part to go invade their little "weight lifting" session in the gym. I'm sure they would all be nice if I approached them, but I'm sweaty, bright pink and exhausted. hmmm. so tomorrow I'll get another chance. I will say HI. at least. its friendly, not creepy, right? yes. friendly.
anyway,back to this whole idea that LOVE is the absence of expectation thing...uh... I honestly don't know what to say. I know that I messed up this summer. I went into the team expecting things to happen a certain way. I thought being on a ministry team we would have all been on the same page. WRONG. and the cool thing is, THATS OKAY! yes, we are all different, and yes, we tolerated each other. definitely. but I think I could have let go more, understood more than wanting to be understood. As a follower of Christ, who is a servant, so that makes me a servant of a servant, so that basically means, I HAVE NO RIGHTS. k. and no right to have any expectations, or to be understood.
well anyway, I guess this just means I need time, I need to process, and allow myself to breathe. I'm watching the Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers. I will most likely watch The Return of the King next. I love this trilogy. well, that's all i have for today. I just wanted to get some thoughts down to begin to process.
back to Aragorn and Legolas and Gimly :)
cm
thats a good goal for this summer. I'll hold you accountable for that.
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