Friday, January 8, 2010


I just finished watching Disney's The Princess and the Frog. Of course I've heard the story as a child, but this twist was absolutely fantastic!

Tiana's father is my Dad. My father is a warrior, a fighter, and a loving man. He has always told me to dream, but to remember dreams only take you so far, and hard work is the way to go. I'll admit, I did tear up a little bit seeing him encourage Tiana to wish upon the evening star. beautiful. When I have children that is what I want for them. I want the mystery in life to remain, their imaginations to be active and healthy. Why is imagination so scarce today? I would rather spend time daydreaming, and imagining stories than remaking movies of the same ones we've been told for decades.

To put it simply, I adore film. I adore that it is life and story in motion; a glimpse into the life or the imagination of someone else. I love leaving the theatre in awe-filled silence. My brain is desperately trying to compute and file everything it has seen over the course of the last two hours. My heart is trying to deal with the joy, pain, torment, love, and hate of the story I just witnessed.

Sometimes I question if this type of adoration for storytelling is normal. I think its just the manifestation of the desire to be heard and to hear others, to be known. Why is it that I want to be known? I don't want to be famous, I just want some other human being to truly KNOW me.

Then I convince myself that no one wants that with me. I let Satan, and myself tell me that I'm not good enough. That I'm too much, that I'm overwhelming to people. Then I am not good enough. That I don't measure up to the other woman around me. My biggest fear is ending up alone. I feel like it is all my fault. That its something I did to make the men in my life run away. 

I've never had a boyfriend. It might sound pathetic, but no one has ever asked me out. I've been on group outings, but never a date. I don't know what's wrong with me. Why no guy is ever interested enough to reach out and take me out. It would be nice. I feel like I have a lot to offer. I love unconditionally to a fault, I forgive easily, I am quiet, I love to laugh, I enjoy sports and watching them on TV. I also enjoy the occasional video game. So that's enough about how pathetic I am. alright. so these are my passions, family, film, and people. so sue me.


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