parenthood...

if you know me at all, family is my first love, right after Christ, of course.

I just finished watching the last half of the movie "Parenthood" with Steve Martin. such a funny flick. I don't know if you've seen it or not, but regardless, I know that you've seen it in real life. All of our families are quirky, dysfunctional and messy.

I am blessed with a close knit family. My parents are still happily married, 21 years of wedded bliss this coming February. My Grandparents are still together, and the Aunt and Uncle that I am closest too are still together as well. I am blessed with many examples of working relationships in my life.

and someday, in the next ten years, I would like to have that. Is it odd that I want the mess, the chaos, the constant running? I want the kids, I want a "little man". My goodness. I was watching The Bachelor, and a woman on this show named Ella has a little boy. and she called him her "little man" and my heart clenched. I WANT THAT. I don't know if i'll get that, but oh how I desire that someday.

so I guess this post is just in response to my desire to have a family one day. I know that scares some men. I'm not quite sure why. I want to GIVE not get in a marriage relationship. Of course security is nice, but I want to be secure in who I am in Christ, not defined by who my husband is. I long for a partner, not someone that is going to become "my life". I have yet to completely define what this really means, and why I truly desire this type of relationship.

I guess my biggest fear is ending up alone. I don't want to not have a "little man" in my life someday. How amazing would it be to have kids. Extremely scary and completely out of my comfort zone, but worth it? Oh yes. I've seen what a couple can go through, like my parents, all the health and financial issues anyone could imagine, and yet they still are together, love each other deeply and I know that they are committed to our family. They support me in all my endeavors and are there emotionally as well. My Mom is my best friend. I know its lame, or cheesy, but I'm completely okay with that. I love my mother. She's the sweetest, most selfless woman I know. I want to be just like her when i grow up :)

so here's to family, love and life. Thank you God for all the blessings in my life. Allow me to share them and not keep them to myself. Show me your purpose here at this time in my  life. Help me to live in it. Thank you. I love you.
In Jesus' name
Amen

cm