I want to go deeper. deeper in. further than i've ever been before. I want to dwell in God's presence fuller, deeper, longer, than i've ever before. There is this deep desire within me, burning inside my soul, wanting desperately to know my creator. wanting desperately to converse with my savior. but one word stops it.
shame.
the feeling that i've messed up. i've deliberately defiled my body, mind, and spirit. i've taken ahold of myself, yanked my life out of Christ's open arms and lived.
how. dare. I.
who am I to think I can control even one second of my being? Who am I to think that I can do better? that's just it. who am i? who is God? I've slowly been coming to terms with the reality of my situation. I'm broken, worthless, empty with out Christ's life dwelling within me. Its the image that I bear which makes me worthy of his presence. The fact that I bear the image of God, that he created me for his Glory is what gives me hope. It allows Christ's sacrifice and the Holy Spirit to transform and reconcile that image back to God.
so this is it. this is me taking the step.
Lord,
I want to understand this image that I bear. I want to honor it. I don't just want to "believe in" it. That's not enough. You have called your people to HONOR YOU. Not just to believe. Help me to do this in all areas of my life. Help me to confess when I have wronged you, I am thankful for your forgiveness and mercy. Help me to learn from the mistakes and to turn from my wicked ways. I love you.
In Jesus' name,
Amen.
again, thank you for your prayers. I am trying desperately to not be ashamed of myself. I will hold fast to God's promises of grace and mercy. PRAISE THE LORD!
cm
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