why do i get so nervous when performing? why do i literally freak out? im not sure.
well I had Paul play for me again. I sang "Turn it Off" by Paramore. He wouldn't rehearse with me. I sort of freaked out. well im still freaking out. I'm sure he enjoyed it, making me squirm. ugh. i really need to quit doing this to myself. I just need to calm down, and stop freaking out. *deep breath* im not sure if he just wanted to make me not want to work with him anymore? im not sure *deep breath* i can't do this to myself. its not fair to do this to myself. but if he EVER does that again. I think i might not speak to him. seriously. wow, now there's a word i haven't used in awhile :)
well im just flustered. and im not happy with my performance to top it. so ugh. double ugh. *scream of frustration*
*sigh*
Lord,
you alone are worth of praise, you alone are worthy of all the glory. I love you. You are HOLY HOLY HOLY. I am so unworthy of your love. i love you. i exalt your name. PRAISE THE LORD O MY SOUL PRAISE THE LORD!!
in Jesus' Name,
AMEN
cm
Showing posts with label perfection. Show all posts
Showing posts with label perfection. Show all posts
Monday, March 1, 2010
Sunday, January 31, 2010
The Adventure Called Life Day 126...weekend's end...
Sunday. what a glorious day.
we finished camp at Somerset today. I didn't know what I expected to happen at camp, but I am pleasantly surprised and just so thankful from my teammates. They are amazing. I am glad to be back on campus, but I am sad to not be with my team anymore. We work so well together! Its amazing! I am so thankful for all of them. As some of you know, I struggled last summer a little bit, and I don't expect this summer to be a walk in the park either, but that's just it, I'm choosing to have no expectations. I am not going to expect people to act a certain way, or respond this way or that. I know that I am a servant of a servant. that I have no rights, and that I have no right to expect anything from anyone. I am responsible for myself, and how I react to what happens. i am not to judge anyone or make assumptions.
God has been chipping away at my critical heart for a couple of years now. I am better at not criticizing others, but I still struggle deeply with self criticism. I know that everyone is hard on themselves, but I am terrible to myself. I demand perfection from myself. always. no exceptions. If I can't do it perfect, I don't do it at all.
That's another thing that I need accountability on. I need to realize and come to terms with my imperfections. I need to remember that when I am weak, because of Christ, then I am strong!
cm
we finished camp at Somerset today. I didn't know what I expected to happen at camp, but I am pleasantly surprised and just so thankful from my teammates. They are amazing. I am glad to be back on campus, but I am sad to not be with my team anymore. We work so well together! Its amazing! I am so thankful for all of them. As some of you know, I struggled last summer a little bit, and I don't expect this summer to be a walk in the park either, but that's just it, I'm choosing to have no expectations. I am not going to expect people to act a certain way, or respond this way or that. I know that I am a servant of a servant. that I have no rights, and that I have no right to expect anything from anyone. I am responsible for myself, and how I react to what happens. i am not to judge anyone or make assumptions.
God has been chipping away at my critical heart for a couple of years now. I am better at not criticizing others, but I still struggle deeply with self criticism. I know that everyone is hard on themselves, but I am terrible to myself. I demand perfection from myself. always. no exceptions. If I can't do it perfect, I don't do it at all.
That's another thing that I need accountability on. I need to realize and come to terms with my imperfections. I need to remember that when I am weak, because of Christ, then I am strong!
cm
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